Another LA Mom Blog

Eczema Part 3: The Allergist

2012-01-25T11:38:00.000-08:00

So last time I posted about Baby S's eczema we were seeing a naturopath, avoiding gluten and doing some homeopathic remedies. After 6 weeks of brown rice pasta and mealy gluten free bread Baby S's cheeks were still a red mottled mess. We returned to the naturopath, hoping to get the okay to pick up some bagels on the way home, but instead were instructed to stay off gluten and eliminate about 20 other foods from our diet. The 6 page list included corn, avocados, lentils, dairy and more. I decided I just couldn't do it. So after a 2 week binge where I ate absolutely anything I wanted, we proceeded to meet with an allergist.

The allergist did a scratch test which revealed Baby S is allergic to dairy, eggs, peanuts, dust mites and dogs. So we are back to eliminating problematic foods. We also ditched our down pillows, bought allergenic covers for our mattresses, started vacuuming daily and sent our dog for a 3 week vacation at my parent's house. We're using coconut oil and CeraVe cream on his skin. After 3 weeks Baby S's face was nearly clear. It had been so long since his face had been smooth and just wanted to rub my cheeks against his all day long. No toddlers pointed at him shouting "boo-boo". No well meaning strangers told me I just needed to buy a tub of Aquaphor. A week ago Baby S caught the stomach flu and the eczema flared up again, but it is starting to subside and I am hopeful that this new regime will keep it under control.

M's Busytown Birthday!

2011-10-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

M turned four this week and I can't really justify calling him "Baby M" any longer, so from here on out it's just "M". For his fourth birthday party we decided to do a "Busytown" theme. M loves the Richard Scarry books and is a bit obsessed with the show Busytown Mysteries. Now every year I say I'm going to make it easy on myself and just take M to PartyCity and make him pick out a pre-packaged theme, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I spend too much time looking at sites like ohdeeoh and Pinterest and keep forgetting that I am not that crafty or patient.

Case in point: here is the inspiration for one of our party activities

and here is how it actually turned out

You will notice I did not get out my jigsaw and fiberboard to create the cutouts. In fact, I did not even bother to cover up the copy on cereal boxes. Minus 1 for me, I should have at least glued some construction paper on the back of the boxes.

Anyway, if you are looking for the gold standard of Busytown Birthday parties, check out this post over on stitch/craft. It's a really beautiful party. But if you are looking for some ideas that the average, lazier, Type-B parent can pull off you have come to the right place.

We had our party outside at a local park, so we didn't have a lot of decorations. We had the "town" and figures for the kids to play with. I photocopied the pages out of What Do People Do All Day and The Adventures of Lowly Worm, glued them to the back of cereal boxes and stuck them on the end of the table. I purchased the figures online; we had Huckle, Sally, Lowly, Mr. Fixit, Hilda Hippo, Pig Will and Bananas Gorilla. I put out a few of our Richard Scarry books so that guests who weren't familiar with Busytown would have some context. We had crayons and coloring pages from the Hello Busytown! coloring book for guests as well. Although I must admit none of these activities were nearly as popular as the Stomp Rockets that we decided to bring along at the last minute. No connection to Busytown, but the kids were lining up to launch them while the coloring pages blew around in the wind.

When it was time for cake we surprised our guests with a mystery. We gathered everyone around the table and then opened the cake box to reveal not a cake, but a picture of Goldbug with a note that read

It's the Mystery of the Missing Birthday Cake!

It's a Busytown Mystery just for you! To find your cake follow the clues!

For your first clue, ask where would Lowly go? He likes to play tic, tac toe

At first the kids were a little confused, but we had rehearsed this game with M a few weeks prior to the party so he knew what was going on. He led all of his friends over to the Tic Tac Toe board in the park where a friend of ours was waiting with a picture of Lowly and another clue. The kids had to go to 4 different locations in the park and eventually ended up back at the table where we had the actual cake waiting for them. I wasn't sure if this game would work, but it ended up being lots of fun and I cannot tell you how cute it was to see a line of 20 kids running around the park chanting "Cake! Cake!"

My mother-in-law is an excellent and adventurous cake maker and volunteered to make us a Huckle cake. Since we were at the park and didn't have a cooler big enough to hide the cake she wrapped it as if it was a present and hid it in plain view. When the lid was removed the sides fell down to reveal the cake. (My mother-in-law probably could pull off an ohdeedoh worthy party).

In our favor bags we had mini magnifying glasses, little notebooks that I decorated with Busytown stickers (which came with the Hello Busytown! coloring book), party blowers and pretzels. M loved his party and even his friends who had never heard of Busytown had a great time.

Eczema Part 2: The Naturopath

2011-07-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

So I kept waiting to write a follow up post on Baby S's eczema. I was hoping that if I tried enough treatments sooner or later I would find some lotion or change to my diet or strange folk remedy and I could come back to the blog and write "Hooray! Baby S's skin is clear! Here's the solution!" Well, that has not happened, although I did try a lot treatments. I eliminated dairy, soy and caffeine from my diet. I tried various creams obtained from the corner drugstore, the herbal pharmacy, even the Indian Market. Everywhere Baby S and I went some well meaning stranger claimed to know a miracle cure-- everything from rubbing Baby S's cheeks with banana peels (which I tried) to peeing on his face (which I did not).

In my previous post I noted that the eczema did not bother Baby S much. That is no longer the case. During the day he does okay, but at night he thrashes around and scratches at his cheeks. He wakes every few hours and I pat or nurse him back to sleep. I cut and file his nails constantly but still wake to bloody sheets. I pledged I wasn't going to use the steroid cream anymore, but seeing him so uncomfortable led me to start using it again. The cream did help some, but even after using it for 10 days straight his skin was still red and mottled so that 's when I decided I needed to seek out additional help. Our pediatrician and dermatologist just weren't cutting it.

Yesterday we went to see a highly recommended naturopath. I'm generally not into alternative medicine, but since conventional medicine wasn't helping I decided it was worth trying. The doctor took a detailed history and observed Baby S's behavior. Because Baby S's eczema is primarily on his cheeks, as opposed to the more classical presentation on the elbows and knees, the doctor believes the root cause is related to diet or digestion. And it is true that Baby S has had problems with constipation and still spits up frequently. The naturopath recommended we eliminate gluten from our diet (for 6 weeks - ugh!), add daily probiotics, multi-vitamins and cod-liver oil for Baby S. He gave us a prescription for a homeopathic remedy and Tamanu oil to use topically. I really hope this will help Baby S.

Threats and Sighs

2011-07-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

So we've been having a little problem with Baby M for the last week or so. At three and a half he has started biting. He never bit anyone before, but now he does. Hard. And he doesn't let go until you physically unclamp his jaw from your arm. On the plus side, he only bites my husband and me, but really, is that much of a plus? We ask him why he is biting and he replies "I don't know." We've told him biting is unacceptable, that it hurts us, that he should use his words, that if he is angry or frustrated he can bite a pillow. None of these statements have had any effect. He bites seemingly without cause or provocation. Yesterday he leaned over and bit me while we were eating dinner. Tonight he bit my husband while getting into the bath. I suspect that he is biting because he feels he's not getting enough attention, and we are doing our best to spend dedicated time with him, but we still really would like the biting to stop.

Today I was sitting on the couch with the boys and I saw Baby M lean in for the bite. Tired, angry, tangled up with Baby S and unable to move away I said, "If you bite me you cannot play your Super-Grover game on the computer." (I'd told him he could play it after lunch.) He paused for a moment and then sunk his teeth into my wrist. In theory I don't believe in threatening children, especially with "consequences" completely unrelated to the problem behavior. But in practice? Well, stuff happens. But today I was reminded why I try not to use threats. As soon as I said "Ok, no computer game" he started the tantrum to end all tantrums. He screamed and cried for about an hour (apologies to my neighbor with the open house). The tantrum I could handle, but then he told me "The thing that will make me stop biting is if you let me play a game." Not exactly the message I was going for. Later that night I overheard Baby M relating the episode to my husband. His explanation of what happened was "Mommy took away my game to make me frustrated because I made Mommy frustrated when I bit her." Again, not really the lesson I wanted him to learn. Furthermore, Baby M bit my husband about 15 minutes prior to this conversation, so aside from not teaching him anything useful my threat didn't curb the problem behavior either.

I'd like Baby M to learn that biting is wrong because it hurts people and understand that hurting people is wrong. I'd like him to learn to express his feelings and ask for what he needs. I am just not sure how to teach him this. I talk about treating people with respect. I try to label his own and other's feelings. Our number one house rule is that we do not hurt people or animals. I just do not know what to do. Sigh.

The Dining Passport

2011-07-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

Baby M is not a terrible eater, but he is not a great eater and I'm always looking for ways to get him to eat a wider variety of foods. The Dining Passport is a clever idea that I got from Family Fun Magazine. The passport is a booklet your child can record all of his culinary adventures in. We kept ours very simple. I punched holes in a bunch of 3 x 5 cards and strung them together. Then we printed out flags from around the world at the CIA website. Whenever Baby M eats an ethnic meal he gets to paste the nation's flag onto one of the cards and I write in the date and a few details about the meal. Then we look up the country on the globe and see how far it is from Los Angeles. I've found this is a terrific way to expand Baby M's diet. He really loves getting to paste new flags into his passport, so much so that he'll gladly eat falafel or dosa or other foods that might normally be rejected. And as a bonus, he is learning a bit of geography at the same time. So far his passport contains flags from Egypt, Morocco, Italy, Mexico, Thailand and India.

Road Trip

2011-07-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we took a road trip up to Northern California to visit family. I was not looking forward to 8+ hours in the car with a 7 month old and a 3 1/2 year old, but it seemed preferable to spending $1000 and navigating the airport with 2 kids, 2 car seats, a stroller and all the other junk we end up taking when we travel.

Happily, the trip went better than expected. We left early in the morning and both kids were still too sleepy to be uncooperative. We stopped for breakfast, lunch and a few breaks along the way. Both boys slept a fair amount. To keep Baby M occupied I had checked out a bunch of children's books on CD from the library, but our CD player stopped working half-way through the trip. (Mysteriously, it is now working again which leads me to wonder if the malfunction was just part of my husband's plot to listen to 4 hours of The.Best.Saxophone.Podcast.Ever.) Luckily for us driving up the 5 freeway provides plenty of entertainment for preschoolers. Some of Baby M's favorite games:

Find My Foot
Raise Your Hand If You See Train Tracks
Hey, That's a Windmill
Cows: CAFO or Pasture

Admittedly not the most stimulating pastimes for me, but definitely better than the hours of whining that I had anticipated. I'm hoping by the next road trip Baby M will be ready for some more challenging car games, maybe License Plate Bingo, 20 Questions or one of these car games from Travelhacker.

A Baby Eating Solids Means No Time To Blog

2011-06-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

Well, obviously not, but now that Baby S is eating solids I certainly feel like my entire day is spent prepping meals, feeding and cleaning up after my family. Around here mealtimes are a messy, messy business. Sometimes I will walk by a woman in the park or at the mall and she'll have her baby propped up in the stroller and a jar of sweet potatoes perched on her knee. The mother will offer up a small spoon of orange mush and the baby will obligingly open her mouth, gum it, swallow and then open up for more. Invariably the baby will be dressed in something white and her bib is really just an accessory because there WILL NOT BE A SPOT OF FOOD ON IT! How is this possible?

The minute I put Baby S in his high chair he becomes a miniature many-armed Hindu God grabbing spoons away quicker than I can wash them. When I sit down to feed Baby S I bring no less than 5 spoons with me. Baby S actually does enjoy his food, but he and I have not mastered the dance that is feeding. Sometimes he leans forward too eagerly and bumps his head on the spoon. Sometimes he turns away at the last moment and gets a cheek full of peas. Sometimes he decides to practice blowing raspberries while eating and sprays pureed pears all over my face. And it doesn't help that he requires a thumb chaser after each bite. As soon as the spoon comes out, in pops the thumb. Before each new bite I extract a sticky, gooey thumb from Baby S's mouth. After a few spoonfuls Baby S's face and hands are covered in food, along with my face, the walls and floor. Food dribbles down his chin, leaks under his bib and stains the neckline of his shirt. We go through this process 3 times a day, along with the requisite clothes changing and clean up. Once Baby S is fed, I proceed to feed the rest of us, who are generally, but I must admit not always, a bit neater.

The Mess Bed

2011-05-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

For the past few months Baby M has been telling me that his toddler bed is "not comfortable". I figured this was just another one of his bedtime stalling techniques, along the lines of "I need some icy water" and "my feet are cold." But perhaps his bed really is not comfortable because last week he took matters into his own hands and made himself a "mess bed." He took every stuffed animal he could find (which is at least 30) and spread them out in the middle of his bedroom floor. He pulled his pillow and blankets off his bed and slept on his mattress of toys. He's been sleeping there every night for the last week and claims his mess bed is eminently more comfortable than his regular bed. He's going to bed without much trouble and sleeping through the night so I'm not going to mess with it. A messy bedroom is a small price to pay for a full night's sleep.

A Good School

2011-05-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

Now that Baby M and most of his friends are safely ensconced in suitable preschools, the hot topic is "where are you sending him for kindergarten?" Parents are on a never-ending quest for a "good school." I have heard the words "good school" thrown around so much in the past months that they have lost all meaning. Is a good school the one with high test scores? Involved parents? An arts focussed curriculum? A lawn? Mostly white kids? Any school that is not part of LAUSD? Depending on who you talk to it could be any of these.

So when I saw Diane Ravitch on the Daily Show talking about the state of public education, I decided to pick up her new book The Death and Life of the Great American School System. Diane Ravitch is a historian of school reform and served in the Education Department under the George H.W. Bush and Clinton administrations. Her book provides an in depth look at the last 20 years or so of school reform. Interestingly, many of the policies she once advocated for-- testing, accountability, choice and markets-- she has now reversed position on. As she explains in the book, her views changed as she "saw how these ideas were working out in reality."

The main point of the book is that market based and data driven reforms will not help, and quite possibly are hurting the quality of our public schools. She uses several case studies and, somewhat ironically, test scores to illustrate her point. Indeed, one problem with data is that depending on how you slice it, it can be used to show schools are or are not improving. Ravitch convincingly makes the case that by obsessing over scores on standardized tests of the most basic math and reading skills, we are leaving our students unable to do much more than fill in a bubble on a multiple choice test. They are "unprepared to lead fulfilling lives, to be responsible citizens and to make good choices." And by using those scores exclusively to evaluate schools, teachers and administrators will teach only the test material, will manipulate who takes the test or will cheat in order to keep their jobs. She argues that by creating a market for schools, we create winners and losers as the most motivated students and families flock to charter schools and neighborhood schools are left with unmotivated or problem students. Instead of citizens linked together by a school, we are consumers, each looking out only for our own interests. She writes, "The market, with its great strengths, is not the appropriate mechanism to supply services that should be distributed equally to people in every neighborhood in every city and town in the nation without regard to their ability to pay or their political power." She does see a role for religious, private and even charter schools, but one that does not drain away the best students from public education. Her prescription for fixing schools includes a well-defined comprehensive liberal arts based curriculum, an inspection based assessment method for schools and teachers, well-educated teachers and extra help for disadvantaged families. This was a fascinating book and if you are at all interested in education policy I highly recommend it.

So what does this all mean for me and my search for a "good school"? Well, I've always felt strongly about the importance of neighborhood schools. And I was all set to attend my local school with its pretty good API score (but very good based on demographics), diverse student body, involved parents and new playground equipment. But then I thought I should do some due diligence and learn about my other options-- charters, magnets, open enrollment. I toured a nearby charter school and found they include foreign language, arts and music in their regular school day, things my neighborhood school only offers in after school enrichment classes. The charter school also has a pretty good API score, but it is well below average based on demographics. So, what to think? Is my neighborhood school teaching to the test at the expense of other subjects? Are the charter school students lagging behind on basic skills? I'd love for Baby M to learn a second language and be well-versed in the arts. At the same time, I want to support my neighborhood school and allow Baby M to make friends who live nearby. After reading this book, I will spend a little more time researching the curriculum used by the schools and observe some classes in each. I still have least a year before Baby M starts kindergarten and plenty of time to find that all elusive "good school."

Giving Away My Baby Names

2011-05-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

We're done having kids. I've given away my maternity clothes, the bassinet, the newborn outfits and the swaddle blankets. But you know you're really done having kids when you give away your baby names. You know, the names you alway kept to yourself, the ones that you were paranoid someone else might use. So here they are, my gift to you, the list of names for the girl baby we never had. Please use one of them, really, it will make me happy.

Charlotte - I know this is a popular name (#45 according to the SSA database, and I'd guess it ranks even higher in West LA) and I'm sure that it wormed it's way into my consciousness via Sex and the City, but I still love it. And for all her neuroses, Charlotte was the kindest of the SATC girls.

Clara - I always liked the idea of naming my child after a literary character, but had a hard time finding a worthy character with an appealing name. Clara was one of the main characters in Zadie Smith's White Teeth. She was wise, funny, imperfect and determined. As I read the book I kept thinking, "Clara, now that's a nice name". Plus with historical namesakes Clara Barton and Clara Bow you can't go wrong.

Mathilda - Okay, yes, I admit, this name pick was totally inspired by Heath Ledger and Michelle William's daughter. But once in awhile celebrities do come up with a winner. I like it best with the "h" since it lends itself to the cute nickname Hildie.

Penelope - Penelope has so many great things going for it. It's sound is unique, but not weird. No one will ever get your name confused at Starbucks. And if you are looking for pop culture references, it really doesn't get much better then Penelope. Penelope was Punky Brewster's full name and Inspector Gadget's clever niece (Penny). You could sing your daughter Penny Lane as a lullaby. And don't forget about Penelope Widmore on Lost. Whenever Desmond said Penny's name there was so much love and heartache in his voice that I wished I was named Penny.

Sally - A few years ago I watched all of the episodes of BBC's Coupling and was surprised at how well the name Sally worked for a grown woman. But, if I'm totally honest, this name choice was probably influenced more by Richard Scarry's Sally the Cat on Busytown Mysteries than anything else. Anyway, the name Sally is friendly, spunky and a little old fashioned.

Tamsyn - I could never sell my husband on this one, but when we first started talking baby names I had my heart set on it. He thought it was weird and that people would shorten it to Tammy. I thought it was unique and that we could always use Tassie if we wanted a nickname. And I thought it would go so well with the name of our hypothetical son, Joss. He thought it would sound ridiculous with our son who would obviously be named Chad. It's actually kind of amazing that we ended up agreeing so easily on the names for Baby M and Baby S.

So that's the list. No extra boy names, I always found male names much harder to come up with. And no, I was not planning on having 6 daughters. I just like having options.

Baby S's Eczema

2011-05-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

So Baby S has eczema. We're lucky in that it doesn't seem to bother him too much and for the most part it is confined to his cheeks. At the same time, it is bad enough that strangers will ask me "What's wrong with his face?" and I've been putting off getting his pictures done until it clears up. The thing about eczema is that pretty much anything could cause it. Is it the detergent I'm using? The food I'm eating (Baby S is exclusively breastfed)? Our dog? Our non-organic cotton sheets? The weather? Although most doctors believe only a small number eczema outbreaks are caused by food allergies, most moms I talked to seemed to think certain foods aggravated their kid's eczema. I tried going off dairy for 2 weeks (my brother did, in fact, have a milk allergy growing up, so it seemed a good place to start). Baby S's skin didn't really improve, but I questioned myself constantly. Did his skin look a little less red? A little more red? I switched to soy milk and his skin seemed worse, did he have a soy allergy? He was particularly fussy after I ate grapefruit, maybe citrus is the cause? I could easily drive myself crazy and end up eating nothing but brown rice and avocados.

After changing our detergent, lotions and soaps, going off dairy and slathering Baby S with calendula ointment for weeks with no improvement we finally saw a dermatologist. He diagnosed Baby S with eczema and a mild bacterial infection and gave us Mupirocin ointment for the bacterial infection, Fluticasone cream for the the eczema and told us to use Cetaphil or Aquaphor on the rest of his body to help ensure the eczema didn't spread. Baby S's skin cleared up within a week of using the creams, but as soon as we stopped the eczema came right back. The dermatologist put us back on the Fluticasone cream and told us to slowly wean Baby S off it, switching from twice a day to once a day to Aquaphor only over 3 weeks. So that's what we're trying now.

I know about the risks of using steriod creams and I am not thrilled about using them-- skin damage, reduced ability to fight skin infections, permanent discoloration, etc. My pediatrician is also not thrilled. In fact, at Baby S's 6 month check up she urged me to stop the cream immediately and "see what happens". I hate it when you get conflicting advice from doctors. Her position is that eczema is a symptom of something happening internally and the steriod just covers up the problem, it doesn't solve it. A valid point, but I also want my baby to be comfortable and, vain as it sounds, I want to see his cute smiling face unmarred by crusty red patches. Or at least I'd like his skin clear long enough to get a nice photograph. So, I booked his portrait session for a few days from now and afterwards we'll start weaning him off the steriod cream. If the rash comes back I don't think will do another round of Fluticasone, we'll stick to baths and lotions and do our best to manage.

Pretend City

2011-04-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we drove down to Irvine to go to Pretend City. This children's museum is an interconnected "city" where kids can pretend to be everything from a fireman to a farmer. There is a pretend fire station, post office, restaurant, hospital, supermarket, construction site, beach, farm and theater. All of the exhibits include appropriate props and costumes. Additionally, there is a large water table and a well stocked arts and crafts room. The museum is relatively new and everything was clean and in good condition. At 3 years old, Baby M was in heaven. He spent a lot of time pretending to be a dispatcher in the fire station, served me about 20 plates of spaghetti in the restaurant, worked the sound and light board in the theater and got to hold a real live chick at the "farm."

Irvine is a bit of a drive for us, but my mother lives in San Diego so Pretend City was the perfect half-way meeting point. Aside from being a chance for us to visit, it was great to have my mother around to do some of the pretending (4 hours of make-believe play with Baby M is pushing it for me). She also watched Baby M while I fed Baby S in the nursing room. The nursing room is equipped with a glider rocker and since there aren't a lot of quiet places to sit in the museum, it's a nice amenity. We had lunch in the cafe, which was the only real disappointment-- it's just a group of tables, a microwave, some vending machines and a woman selling sandwiches and salads out of cooler. Our sandwiches were fine, but next time we'll probably pack a lunch.

There are a few padded play areas for little ones, but Pretend City is really best for kids between 2 and 8 years old. Tickets are $11 per person (free for babies under 1 year), but you can get a 2-for-1 admission on the second Friday of every month here. If we lived closer I'd consider getting a membership. We were in the museum for 4 hours and Baby M could have stayed longer, plus the museum has a full calendar of events and classes.

So how is it with 2 kids?

2011-04-26T19:23:00.000-07:00

Before I had Baby S I worried about how I'd do with two kids. Would I have enough patience, attention and energy to go around? Would Baby M regress? Would my house completely fall apart? Would we ever take a vacation again? Was a second child a bad idea?

Well I'm happy to report that two kids is fine. Better than fine. Great even. I'm not one to wax poetic about the happiness of children, but having two kids is pretty wonderful. Now it may just be that I am on a double upswing of the happiness curve (according to studies parental happiness climbs from birth to six months and again after age 3) and I'm going to come crashing down again in a few weeks, or maybe it's a hormone fueled, sleep deprivation mirage, but for now, I am really enjoying having two.

On the Baby S side, the second time around I am so much more relaxed, that I can really enjoy every little cuddle, coo and funny expression. I'm not obsessed with tracking how often he's nursing, peeing and pooping. I'm not compulsively reading sleep books trying to figure out an optimal sleep routine. And I don't have time to get bored with the monotony of caring for an infant. There is no spinning him around in an office chair 10 times a day in order to improve his spatial reasoning like I did with Baby M. I'm just making funny faces and stealing kisses between playing Thomas the Train and coloring pictures with my 3 year old.

On the Baby M side, I appreciate how far he has come in just 3 years. He can talk and reason, run and climb. All the things I can't do with Baby S yet. And I can't describe the warmth I feel when I see Baby M act lovingly towards Baby S-- bringing him a toy, singing him a song, talking to him about the bunk beds they will share someday. I'm getting glimpses of what I hope will be a strong sibling relationship.

Of course everything is not chocolates and roses. I'm still tired. I don't get enough time with my husband. I spend an inordinate amount of time doing laundry. My three year old whines a lot and seems hell bent on destroying my home. The baby is teething. He doesn't sleep through the night. But at the end of the day I know without question that it's all worth it.

My New Favorite Breakfast Recipe

2011-04-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

Baby M adores pancakes, but I generally don't have enough time or energy in the morning to make a big batch. Plus, traditional pancakes are not the healthiest way to start the morning. I love the recipe below because it is easy, healthy and Baby M gobbles them up.

Oatmeal- Banana Pancakes
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 banana mashed up
1 egg
1/4 cup skim milk
1/4 - 1/2 tsp cinnamon

Mix everything together and cook on a lightly greased skillet. Makes about 4 pancakes.

Today I added a handful of frozen blueberries and used soy milk instead of regular milk and they came out great.

Letting it All Hang Out at the UCLA Language Lab

2011-04-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

I took Baby S to the UCLA Language Lab to participate in a study this week. I'd been to the lab before with Baby M, but this was Baby S's first trip to campus. As with my previous visits, a grad student met us at the parking garage and escorted us to the lab. The researcher explained the study to us, I answered a short questionnaire about the languages spoken in our home and Baby S got his picture taken for a certificate of participation. We also go to pick out a baby T-shirt as a thank you gift for our participation.

The goal of this study was to determine when babies begin to distinguish their own language from other languages. Baby S and I sat in a small, dark room while recordings of people speaking English and Japanese played. The researcher watched us over a video feed and recorded whether or not Baby S paid attention to the voices. I wore head phones blasting Frank Sinatra tunes so that I wouldn't inadvertently influence Baby S as I held him in my lap. About 2 minutes into the session Baby S let out the loudest, smelliest fart ever. It was so loud I could hear it over Frank belting out My Way. Then Baby S proceeded to have an explosive bowel movement. It was one of those situations where you marvel at how much noise, odor and poop one tiny baby can produce. I held him, grimacing, and tried to decide if I should stop the study or not. These experiments are usually pretty short so I thought we could just tough it out, but it kept going on and on and on. The Way You Look Tonight. Luck Be A Lady. The Girl From Ipanema. All punctuated by loud noises from Baby S's bottom. Eventually the researcher came out from behind the curtain and told us we were done. I don't know if they'll be able to use our tape or not, but at least they'll get a good laugh watching it.

TV 2.0

2011-03-23T21:46:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Baby M's Waldorf-inspired preschool asked him for his favorite part of the day. He replied it was when he got to watch a video. I was horrified, but now I've decided I am giving up my guilt over Baby M's TV viewing. He watches an hour of TV a day, pretty much every day and he loves it. Whenever anyone asks me about TV I usually justify it with "He doesn't nap" or "I am selective about what he watches." Which are both true, Baby M is regularly up for 13 hours a day straight, so even with an hour of TV he is still spending more time playing, drawing and exploring than many of his 2-hour napping peers. And now that we primarily watch videos over Netlix instant download it's easy to limit his choices. We generally stick to Busytown Mysteries, with the occasional Kipper or Thomas thrown in.

Of course, just because I've come to terms with 60 minutes of TV time a day doesn't mean that Baby M has. He always wants more. I've written before about trying to manage Baby M's TV habit, but now that he is nearly 3 and a half his strategies are getting more sophisticated. He still makes use of the tried and true whiny tantrum, but he has also started trying to charm me ("I'll watch a show and you can take a nap in your bed") , argue with me ("It's just a short one") or reason with me ("My brain is already ruined"). At least I know the message that TV is bad for his brain is getting through.

I'll admit it, I'm one of those parents that has a hard time saying no. So I kept trying to find the perfect approach that would make limiting the TV easy. I tried coupons. I tried TV only at certain times. I tried a fixed number of shows. But no matter what strategy I tried, Baby M wanted more TV. Or Kideos on the iPhone. Or YouTube videos on the PC. Nothing made it easy. Ultimately, I just had to pick a rule and stick to it. I know, this is Parenting 101. But when it's so easy to make the whining stop and when a nap for me is part of the package, saying no can be pretty difficult. But I did eventually do it. I decided one hour of TV a day, any time after breakfast and before dinner. He can use that hour however he wants-- two Busytowns, one Sesame Street, any show approved by me. He can break it up or use it all in one sitting, but when it's used up the remotes get put away. Baby M still whines about the TV every day, but now that he knows I won't budge he gives up after 5 minutes or so and finds something else to do. And, goofy as it sounds, I feel a little bit proud of myself every time he does.

Raising Happiness

2011-03-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps For More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents is my new favorite parenting book. I checked it out of the library a few weeks ago and found myself marking so many passages to photocopy that I finally decided to just purchase my own copy of the book. Christine Carter, the director of UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, draws on the latest research and her own experience to come up with a succinct guide on how to raise not only happy children, but ones that are kind, grateful and self-motivated. Not surprisingly, part of the recipe for happy children includes happy parents, so there are also plenty of tips on how to increase your own happiness and create a joyful family environment.

If you've read books like NurtureShock or Unconditional Parenting the science covered in Raising Happiness will not be new, and Carter does not spend a lot of time rehashing the research, she is more interested in the conclusions and how we can apply them to our parenting practice. The thing that this book does amazingly well is offer specific advice while providing enough flexibility to tailor the recommendations to your family. If saying a prayer before dinner as part of a gratitude practice doesn't work for you, how about a toast? If you can't volunteer with your child, maybe you can pick up trash at the park together. So many parenting books are either so rigid you feel that one misstep will doom your child for life or else so nebulous that you can't figure out how to apply any of their suggestions.

Initially I was a little put off by the book. The first chapter draws heavily on Carter's experiences as a working mom and I was starting to wonder if her tips would apply to parent who stays home. Especially when, in a section on building a good relationship with your partner, she wrote "busy couples with kids and two full-time jobs don't have sex less than couples with a stay-at-home parent." As if I have nothing to do other than lay around in lingerie thinking sexy thoughts. Anyway, despite the shaky start, I was totally won over by the end of the second chapter. Raising Happiness is organized into short chapters, with sub-headings and "Try This" sections that make finding the information you're looking for easy. She only employs one acronym (ERN - empathy, reason, non-controlling language) which is actually simple enough for me to remember and make use of when dealing with my 3 year old. Plus, she recognizes that kids may respond differently to her tactics. She actually includes an example where labeling a angry child's feeling does not diffuse the situation, but instead prompts him to shout "I AM NOT FRUSTRATED. I AM HAPPY!" So many of the examples in this book spoke to my own experience, from being bored while playing with my son to chaotic dinner time situations.

Since the book is about creating a happy and fulfilling family situation, its messages are relevant to families with infants all the way up through the teenage years. Once you are beyond the books on when to introduce solids and how to get your baby to sleep (I read plenty of those!) I highly recommend picking up Raising Happiness.

Two Kids Means No Time to Blog

2011-01-24T21:44:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long absence. With 2 kids there just never seems to be time for the blog. One or the other always needs my attention and in the rare moment that they are both occupied (or sleeping) there is laundry, cooking, cleaning, or episodes of True Blood to be watched. And if I ever try to do any writing while they're awake the baby starts crying and the three year old demands to watch a YouTube video (curse you Peppa Pig!) But, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about this blog, so here are a few things that I really wanted to blog about but never got around to

-- How well Baby M has adjusted to his new brother and how much I love the fact that he makes plans for their future together (Halloween costumes, sleeping arrangements, who gets to ride shotgun in their first car)
-- How much more I'm enjoying Baby S and whether it is because I know he's probably my last baby or because I'm more comfortable taking care of a newborn or simply because he doesn't cry for 8 hours a day
-- Despite never wanting more than 2 children, why it is so hard to say that I'm done having babies?
-- My fear that Baby M will never develop empathy (after a disturbing incident involving a fire truck and a friend's head)
-- My ridiculous guilt over not starting Mommy & Me classes with Baby S yet
-- How can adding one person to the family quadruple the amount of laundry I need to do?

And, perhaps most importantly,
-- In going for a lower maintenance hairstyle, did I inadvertently give myself "mom hair"

Welcome Baby S!

2010-11-17T11:07:00.000-08:00

I based my birth plans for Baby S on my experience with Baby M. Yes, I'd heard that second babies come faster, that every pregnancy is different, blah, blah, blah. My pregnancy with S had been very similar to my previous pregnancies and I had no reason to doubt that labor would follow the same general path, just maybe a little faster. Well, it was a lot faster and quite different. With Baby M my contractions started mildly, ramped up over the next 8 hours and then I spent another 8 hours in the hospital before he was born. So 16 hours total. With Baby S it was less than 5 hours from start to finish.

My water broke late Sunday night. This caught me off guard, partially because the first time around my water didn't break until I was already well into labor, but mainly because it was 3 days before my due date. I know 3 days is not terribly early, but Baby M had been a week overdue and I figured Baby S would be late too. At my last OB appointment I was only 1 cm dilated and I thought I had at least another week to wait. Consequently, I had planned a full day of tasks for Monday -- laundry, grocery shopping, meal prep and packing my hospital bag.

So now we were suddenly in the Hollywood movie birth scenario. I was throwing clothes in my hospital bag, calling relatives to come over at one in the morning and trying to convince my husband that yes, we actually did need to go to the hospital. Right now.

I had been toying with the idea of having an unmedicated birth. With Baby M I had the epidural and overall it was a positive experience, but I'd also wondered what natural birth was like. Was it really as empowering or, heaven-forbid, orgasmic as all those books said it would be? (I'd read Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and watched The Business of Being Born, my head was full of natural birthing propaganda). On the way to the hospital, however, I realized that you don't really play around with natural birth. You either need to be committed or not. And I had never really fully committed. I still felt flustered over the whole bag situation, my contractions were getting stronger and I forgot all about my visualization techniques. This is silly, I thought. I will just get the epidural.

When we got to the hospital it was 2am and I was 5cm. The nurse checked me in, I got changed and situated in my room and I asked for the epidural. At this point the contractions were getting quite strong and were right on top of each other. Most of my focus was just on getting through them. The nurse checked me again and I was 9cm. Do you still want the epidural, she asked. Um, yes. But by the time the anesthesiologist was ready my OB was there saying it was time to push. So I ended up with an unmedicated birth after all. I have to say, it was definitely not orgasmic and by the end I did not feel strong and empowered. I just felt tired. And that was after only 2 hours of hard labor, I can't imagine what it must be like for the women whose labors last for hours on end. On the upside, my recovery has been so much easier and I do think that is in part because I did not have the epidural. And, as my husband likes to point out, I now have bragging rights.

So Baby S came out at a healthy 8 pounds 2 ounces with all 9 on his Apgars. We struggled a bit with jaundice and the poor little guy had daily heel pricks for a while, but now he is nice and pink. He sleeps a lot and cries very little (the exact opposite of Baby M at this age). Baby M is adjusting well and has been very helpful. We'll see how we fare once my mother goes home and friends stop bringing us dinner, but for now we are all feeling good.

Siblings Without Rivalry

2010-11-09T15:02:00.000-08:00

So I decided I'd better get in one book on siblings before baby #2 comes along and Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish came highly recommended despite being written 23 years ago. I liked the book and thought it was helpful, but it definitely read like something written decades ago, and not just because of the dated cover design and references to the library card catalog. In case you missed it, I read a lot of parenting books, and I generally try to read current books-- NutureShock, SuperBaby, The Parents We Mean to Be, Unconditional Parenting, etc. These books were all written in the last few years and tend to be footnoted extensively with references to scientific journals, experiments and additional resources. And this scientific rigor has never bothered me; I like the fact that the advice being doled out has been tested and that there is more than just some "expert's"opinion or personal experience backing it up.

Siblings Without Rivalry is structured completely differently from most of the books I read. It's based on a 6 week workshop on sibling rivalry and includes the conversations, stories and handouts from these workshops. We hear about the participants' struggles with their children, their own sibling relationships and even tearful confessions of what they wished their parents had done differently. At times it is very much like sitting in on someone else's group therapy session from 1987 when latch-key kids were the norm, gender stereotypes were readily accepted and promoting self-esteem was paramount.

I know this does not sound promising, but I actually found the structure quite refreshing. Instead of reading about carefully controlled experiments I was reading about real conflicts between real siblings. We don't just read about what the research says you should do, we actually get to see how imperfect, tired, angry parents apply the techniques and hear about how they work or how they don't. And, perhaps most encouraging, we get to see parents head down a wrong path, change their approach mid-conflict and still end up with a mostly positive result. In so many of the books I read the author provides so much evidence for a particular approach that I start to feel doing anything differently will doom my child to a life of sleeplessness or low IQ or anxiety, etc. etc.

Sure, some of the illustrations in the book are a little hokey and the first chapter, which asks us to explore our child's feelings about a new sibling by having us imagine our husband bringing home a new wife, was more amusing than anything else, but I do feel that I gained valuable information on how to help Baby M deal with a younger sibling. (And I did have to laugh when the authors asked me to write down my reaction to my husband giving the new wife one of my old sweaters and saying "you've put on a little weight, your clothes are too tight on you and they'll fit her perfectly.") Some key points from the book:

1. Acknowledge each child's feelings about their sibling, even if they are negative
2. Do not compare the children to each other
3. Do not put children in "roles", even if both roles seem positive (e.g. the smart one and the funny one)
4. Instead of focussing on giving kids equal parts, try to give each child what they need when they need it
5. Intervene in fights when necessary, but try to put the onus for solving the problem on the kids.

These suggestions may sound obvious, but I can see how easy it would be to forget about them in the heat of the moment. If my boys were fighting about the number of pancakes on their plates I can absolutely see myself snapping "You both have four pancakes" instead of asking if they were still hungry. It's straight-forward examples like this one that make the tips in this book easy to remember and hopefully easy to implement.

The Making of a Picky Eater

2010-10-05T14:51:00.000-07:00

We really hoped Baby M would not be a picky eater. We did all the things the books say you should do-- we introduced veggies before fruit, my husband and I continued to eat a variety of foods and rarely prepared special meals for Baby M, we had Baby M help us cook, we grew and ate vegetables out of our garden. But try as we might, Baby M seems to be getting pickier by the day.

One day he refused to eat pasta with sauce on it. On another he stopped eating his apple skins. Over the past few months he has declared that he no longer likes oatmeal, hummus, bananas, blueberries, melons, beans, carrots or celery. I continue to serve these foods and he refuses to touch anything on his plate until I remove them. This, coupled with the fact that our family has adopted a mostly vegetarian diet over the past year, means that some nights all he eats is rice. The only vegetable he eats consistently is broccoli, unless, of course, you count ketchup.

So when a friend gave me a copy of Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious, I grudgingly started flipping through it. I have to admit, back when Baby M was still on a milk diet I wrote a somewhat snarky post about this book. I assumed getting your child to eat a variety of food was just a matter of offering it repeatedly in an upbeat matter. Little did I know I would soon be stealthily pureeing beets and butternut squash in an effort to get some veggies into my stubborn stubborn child.

We've tried a fair number of the recipes from the book and they've been hit or miss. Given the fact that we don't eat meat and Baby M refuses to eat pasta with sauce (including red sauce, cheese sauce, cream sauce and any other type of "sauce" you can think of) the number of recipes that work for us is somewhat limited. He loved the "Pink Pancakes" (with beets) and will happily eat muffins with any puree I happen to throw in. He flat out refused the scrambled eggs with cauliflower puree and honestly, I can't blame him. They tasted like I scrambled a carton of 6 month old eggs. He also did not go for the butternut squash-grilled cheese, although my husband and I actually prefer it to the standard version, so I think we're going to give that one a few more tries.

The thing is, using a half of cup of veggies in a dozen muffins means a 3 year old would have to eat 24 muffins to get his daily serving of vegetables. Baby M would probably eat muffins all day long if I let him, but I really don't think that's a good idea either. Sure some vegetables hidden in a muffin are still better than nothing, but I really wish I didn't have to be so darn sneaky.

The 5 Stages of Potty Training Regression

2010-09-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

So, in my last post I noted that Baby M was no longer having daytime accidents. We've had a bit of a regression since then. He is now pooping his pants once or twice a day. He still happily pees in the potty and generally wakes up dry, but he has no interest in getting his poops into the potty. He will run behind the table where I can't reach him and insist he's not pooping while I try to convince him to come with me to the bathroom. He poops his pants at the park, at school, at home, whenever he gets the urge. Oddly, he abhors wet underpants but doesn't seem to mind having poop in his pants at all and will go on about his business until I drag him kicking and screaming into the bathroom.

This has been going on for a little over a week and I have passed through all 5 stages of potty training regression.

Denial - Initially I convinced myself it was just a one off accident or a bad day or a few bad days...

Anger - I am not proud to admit that I yelled. I waved poopy underpants in his face. I told him he couldn't wear his favorite pirate underpants because they were covered in f@#*-ing poop. Then I felt like the worst mother in the world, cried and apologized. It was not my finest moment. In fact, it was probably my worst parenting moment ever.

Bargaining - I brought the sticker charts back out, I promised trips to Travel Town, as the days wore on I threatened to take away his 30 minutes of TV time (which I did but it was harder on me than him and didn't make a difference anyway).

Depression - I looked back at my schizophrenic behavior over the past week, at the way I did all the things I said I wouldn't do, the things every book and web site tells you not to do, and wondered why the heck I was having another child when I couldn't even manage a week of poopy underpants without a major freak out. I also ate a lot of ice cream.

Acceptance - I bought a tub of Oxiclean and a bucket for soaking poopy clothes. I keep my diaper bag stocked with plastic bags. I realize there is no way I can force Baby M to poop in the potty. If I can't fight it, I might as well prepare for it. I now simply praise him for using the toilet, remind him that poop goes in the potty and try to keep everything clean with as little drama as possible. At some point he will decide pooping in his pants is not worth the trouble of getting cleaned up.

I don't know what, if anything, brought on the regression. Maybe the novelty of the potty wore off. Maybe Baby M saw how upset all the poop was making me and liked getting a response. Maybe it's a delayed reaction to starting preschool or an advanced reaction to the impending birth of his brother. Hopefully my new Zen attitude will encourage him to go back to the potty. If not, you should seriously consider investing in Oxiclean, because at 2 poops a day, we're going through a lot of that stuff.

3 Day Potty Training - Kinda

2010-09-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

So I've been meaning to write a post about potty training Baby M. About 3 weeks ago I finally took plunge and committed to getting him potty trained. A friend of a friend had success with Lora Jensen's 3-day Potty Training Method so we decided to give it a try. I should note that the friend tried the method a week later without much success, but by that point I had already bought the e-book, blocked out the 3 days on our calendar and stocked up on underpants so we decided to go for it. It's probably also worth mentioning that we had tried a more "child-directed" version of potty training a few months prior. We made the potty available, bought cool underwear and encouraged Baby M to wear them for a few hours on the weekends. That process ended up with Baby M ripping off his underpants, attempting to diaper himself and more or less stating that the potty was not for him. After taking a few months off, I decided it was time to try something a little more "parent-directed."

The general idea of the 3-day method is that you put your child in underpants 24 hours a day, ask him to tell you when he needs to use the potty and rush him to the toilet the minute he starts to go in his pants. This pretty much requires you to be next to your child around the clock. If he has an accident you don't reprimand or make a big deal about it, but you do reward any bit of success with praise, stickers and/or prizes. (I know this completely contradicts my whole Unconditional Parenting philosophy which eschews rewards as well as punishments, but I decided 3 days of praise and rewards wouldn't scar Baby M for life. Plus, I really wanted him out of diapers before Baby #2 came along.)

I knew staying home for 3 days straight was going to be difficult for us-- Baby M and I go out at least once and usually twice a day. We have classes, play dates, parks to visit, shopping etc. So I prepared. I stocked up on food, planned art and cooking projects, and recorded new TV shows for him to watch. I thought I had at least 2 days worth of activities planned. Well, four hours into Day One I was out of activities. Those first three days were rough. Baby M went through 8 pairs of underpants a day. He begged to go to the park. He said he couldn't figure out how to poop sitting down (his preferred method was standing). Even though he had been waking up dry for weeks he started wetting the bed, sometimes twice a night. And even if he didn't wet the bed he would wake up crying hysterically at 4am and want to be carried around the house like a newborn.

At the end of the 3 days, though he had made progress, I would not claim to anyone that Baby M was potty trained. The number of accidents was way down but he hadn't pooped for 2 days, and his sleep was still a mess. So I wrote the Lora Jensen helpdesk for advice. The e-book purchase includes free online mentoring and here is where the $24 I spent on a 50 page e-book really felt worth it. I received a prompt, encouraging response with some explicit techniques to deal with the problems we were having. Some of them were a little odd (I could not bring myself to tell Baby M that Mommy's poops were lonely in the toilet and needed some company) but they were effective. By Day 7 there were no more daytime accidents and now, 3 weeks later, we only have the occasional nighttime accident. Baby M is still not sleeping great, but his sleep has always gone in phases, so I'm not sure how much of that we can attribute to potty training. Overall, I'm pleased with the method and results and am glad that we got through the worst of it before the new baby arrives.

First Day of Preschool

2010-09-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

Today was Baby M's first day of preschool. And to answer the most common question I've been getting... no, nobody cried. He didn't cry. I didn't cry. I like to think this just shows how well adjusted we both are, but based on some of the reactions I've been getting I guess this makes me something of a freak. Apparently, it's fine that Baby M didn't cry, but I should have been holding back the tears, peering through the gate and counting the minutes until I picked him up again.

Now maybe it's because today was really just a taste of preschool-- 2 hours with only half of the new kids attending. Two hours gave me just enough time to drop my husband off at work, stop at the bank and pick up a few things at the grocery store before heading back to collect Baby M. Perhaps if he'd been away longer I'd have worked myself into a tearful frenzy like the other mothers waiting outside the gate, but I don't think so. I'm happy Baby M is growing up. I'm proud that he's able to take on some independence and I'm excited about some of the things he's going to be learning. I'm confident that the preschool he's attending is a safe environment with caring teachers and good kids. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the 12 hours a week that I get to reclaim for myself (at least until Baby #2 arrives). Sure I felt a twinge of wistfulness that Baby M didn't need me the way he used to, but it was overshadowed by the satisfaction of looking at how far Baby M has come over the last 3 years.

Baby M talks to the Bump

2010-09-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

Every so often I ask Baby M if he'd like to say anything to his brother. Usually he replies, "No, I'll just wait until he comes out." Other than a brief infatuation with my popped out belly button, Baby M has not been terribly interested in the new baby. Yesterday, however, when I asked if he'd like to talk to his brother he said "okay." He knelt down, put his face close to my belly and shouted, "Hey! Can I get a glass of water?" Somehow I think Baby M's got the big brother thing down.

The Unhappiest Place on Earth

2010-08-15T17:23:00.000-07:00

We took Baby M to Disneyland last weekend. It seemed like such a good idea. He is a few months away from 3 years old which means he is tall enough to go on most of the rides but still gets into the park for free. He is familiar with some of the Disney characters from YouTube videos and really likes Goofy. Baby M has generally been good with crowds, loud noises, and new experiences. I thought he would have a blast.

The trip did not go well. It started off so promising. We met up with some of my extended family and took the shuttle bus to the park. Baby M could barely contain his excitement. He happily walked down Main Street, watched a marching band and walked through Sleeping Beauty's Castle. We rode the carousel and then tried to convince him to go on the Dumbo ride. He took a look at it and shook his head no. So, and here is where we made our big mistake, we decided to try Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Now this was one of my favorite rides as a kid, but I'd forgotten how scary it could be for a young child. Baby M happily climbed into the little car with his dad and grandpa, but once the ride started getting dark and loud, crashing through walls and descending into hell he was more than a little frightened. He kept repeating "I want to go back" with increasing frequency and volume until finally the ride ended.

After that he just wanted to leave the park. Every few minutes he would say "I want to go back to the shuttle bus and go to our car and go home." We dragged him on the tamest ride we could find-- The Storybook Land Canal Ride, a slow moving boat that floats past miniature villages in broad daylight, but he cried to get off the whole time. We tried Toon Town, which has a small playground I thought he might like, but it also has firecrackers going off every few minutes so that was a no go. Honestly, I'd never seen Baby M so agitated. I felt awful.

We decided to give up on the rides and get some lunch on the Tomorrowland Terrace. We had a great table near the stage where cast members were putting on the "Jedi Training Academy" but Baby M refused to sit anywhere near it so we found a table behind the stage and next to a well placed pillar that completely blocked the show from his view. Baby M picked at his Mac N Cheese until, suddenly, a hidden platform rose up next to us revealing in a cloud of mist Darth Vader, waving around his light saber and threatening the Jedi. That was it. Baby M was out of there and my husband carried him around Tomorrowland until the rest of us finished eating.

We walked around the park a little more, hoping something would entice Baby M, but he had made up his mind-- Disneyland was the scariest place on earth and he wanted out of there. He was even scared of the paddle boat that steamed by us as we strolled down the sidewalk. Aside from the carousel, we did find two other activities that Baby M enjoyed in Frontierland- the petting zoo and a cabin with free coloring pages. We probably should have just gone to Griffith Park. On our way out we stopped for dinner at one of the Main Street restaurants and once Baby M saw there were no more rides with "scary tunnels" he enjoyed eating a hot dog while watching the parade. We even stopped and took a reasonably happy picture with Mickey Mouse.

I always thought of Baby M as this fearless explorer, but looking back I realized that I missed some of the signs that his personality is evolving. I remember him as the baby who would crawl over to the big kid playground without looking back and not the toddler who was frightened during the planetarium show; the boy who comforted the dog during our neighbor's illegal firework display and not the one who refused to the enter the darkened room showing a film about storms at the museum. It seems Baby M is becoming more cautious, and yes, more fearful as he grows up. He now requires a nightlight to sleep, greets new experiences with trepidation and literally requires hand holding when entering unfamiliar places. This may all just reflect an increased awareness of his surroundings and a more developed imagination that allows him to conceive frightening scenarios. Or maybe Disneyland really did scar him for life. We'll just have to wait and see.

Baby on the Way

2010-07-05T22:43:00.000-07:00

So, I am 21 weeks pregnant. Everything is going well with the pregnancy and it appears that in November we will be adding a new baby to the family. I am not very good at telling people that I am expecting. My general approach is just to show up in my maternity wear, mention nothing and make everyone slightly uncomfortable until some brave soul finally asks, "So, um, you're pregnant, right?" I know this is weird, but I can't seem to find another way to do it. Because of my past history with miscarriages we put off telling people about the baby and now it just seems we waited too long. We delayed announcing partly because untelling people that you're pregnant sucks, but mostly because I never feel as excited as everyone else expects me to be. Four months into the pregnancy, I'm still worried about finding a heartbeat while everyone else is wants to talk nursery decor. But now that we've made it past the 20 week mark, I am feeling more confident. I'm still getting there on the excited thing, but I'm making progress.

We did tell Baby M that we'll be bringing home a baby brother for him soon. His reaction was, "I hope it has duck feet." He also offered a name suggestion- "Flombu". We took him to our 20 week ultrasound where we hoped to set his expectations on the feet thing ("Look! You can see the baby's totally normal human feet!") but he got bored and asked if he could go back out to the waiting room and play with some toys. Since he doesn't really seem to be getting this whole baby thing, I've been on the look out for some age appropriate books and toys to help him prepare for the upcoming change.

The first book we got was Baby on the Way by Martha & William Sears. It's a very sweet book which describes pregnancy as feeling like "love is growing inside [you]" and tries to give a children some insight into what's happening to their mother. Pregnancy symptoms like queasiness, hunger and fatigue are related back to the child's own experiences. However, with Baby M this approach backfires. When the books states mommy's tummy feels yucky like "when you eat three slices of birthday cake and ice cream" it completely loses Baby M. How could there be too much cake? Granted, Baby M has never had 3 pieces of cake in one sitting, but it sure sounds good to him. And birthdays are fun too. And I'm going to be 3 on my next birthday. Can I have a fish superhero party? Baby M completely loses focus. I've started just skipping that section altogether. But I do think Baby M is making progress too. A friend crocheted Baby M a doll with a removable hat and diaper and he spent an entire afternoon changing the baby's diaper (the doll is awesome, you can check out her etsy store here). And tonight Baby M walked over, planted a kiss on my belly and said it was for the baby. Now who couldn't get excited about that?

Granola

2010-06-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

I keep reading about these toddlers who just love helping their parents. They happily clean up, fold laundry, and set the table. For the most part, this is not true of Baby M. If I say, "Hey, do you want to help me with something" he will most likely answer "No" and go about his business. If I leave an unfolded basket of laundry out it will soon become an upside down laundry "cake" in the middle of the floor. However, there is one place where he does love to help, the kitchen.

The minute I start prepping something in the kitchen he is there shouting "I want to help yooouuuu!" Of course, when I suggest that the best way for him to help me would be to pick up the crayons all over the kitchen floor, he is not interested. He wants to crack the eggs, saute the veggies and chop the carrots. I don't want to discourage his culinary aspirations so this lead me to seek out safe activities that he could help me with. We ended up doing quite a bit of baking, which is fine, but we really don't need another batch of cookies in the house, even if they are the healthy oatmeal ones from Alicia Silverstone's cook book (which I must note are my favorite oatmeal cookies EVER). So I was happy when I came across this recipe for homemade granola at wholeliving.com. I feel a lot better about letting Baby M snack on granola than cookies, especially granola made with flaxseed meal, egg whites and natural sweeteners. I love this recipe because we can easily customize it with different fruits and nuts and most importantly, Baby M can help with almost all the steps. There is lots of measuring and stirring and not much contact with a hot stove. He still fights me over cracking the eggs, but I win out most of the time. Hope you enjoy it too.

ReDiscover Roller Coaster

2010-06-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday our family visited ReDiscover in Culver City. ReDiscover is a non-profit that recycles discarded materials to use in hands-on art and learning projects for children. Every Saturday from 10am to 1pm their warehouse has drop-in art hours where your kid can go crazy with glue, wire, tile, fabric, wood scraps, etc. The cost is $5 per project, and you can use as many materials as you'd like.

Our visit to ReDiscover was actually prompted by the fact that I finally convinced my husband that we no longer needed his AYSO soccer trophies from 1982. After calling around I found that ReDiscover would accept the box of trophies as a donation. So, after lovingly photographing all of the trophies, on Saturday morning we headed over to ReDiscover to drop them off and decided to stay and make some art.

The amount of materials in the warehouse was a bit overwhelming. Bins and bins of fabric samples, plastic do-dads, wall-paper, ribbon, ceramic tile, wires, buttons, etc. The staff person gave us a quick tour and while pointing out the boxes of wood scraps suggested to Baby M that they might be good for making a roller coaster. From that point on Baby M was set on constructing a roller coaster. And not just any roller coaster, a "very scary roller coaster." So we helped him glue pieces of wood together and decorate it with stickers, fabric, beads, etc. Ultimately we only took home a small section of the roller coaster, because we just couldn't manage taking home all 6 feet of his masterpiece. We were there for a little under 2 hours and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. While we were working, several adult artists came in to pick up materials for their professional projects as well as a few other preschoolers and a 10 year old who was building an X-ray machine for a school project. The mood was festive and cooperative and we never felt crowded.

Baby M is 32 months old and I don't think I would take a child much younger than this to the drop-in art at ReDiscover. The area is not child proofed-- there are lots of potential choking hazards, a hot glue gun within easy reach and many of the materials requires the use of wood glue or wires. This is not a place you go for your basic crayons, glue and poster paint art project. But for preschoolers and older kids ReDiscover is a great chance for them to explore new materials, express their creativity and learn about recycling.

All Aboard! Surfliner to San Diego

2010-06-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

For Memorial Day our family decided to take the train down to San Diego for the day. Baby M loves trains and while we've ridden trains at parks, malls, farms, etc., we'd never taken him anywhere on a full sized train. So on Sunday night we logged on to Amtrak.com and bought our Surfliner tickets-- 3 round trip tickets from Union Station to Solana Beach, where we would meet up with my family for a BBQ. It turns out the tickets were a little more than I was expecting ($170 for the 3 of us) but at that point I had already talked up the trip to Baby M so there was no turning back.

We arrived at Union Station 30 minutes before our train departed and parked in the $7 lot across the street. Our train left right on time at 8:30AM. Baby M loved seeing the big double decker train and the train tracks. I loved the fact that we had plenty of room. Our coach seats had so much leg room that the only way I could kick the seat in front of me was if I stretched my legs out and pointed my toes. Baby M couldn't reach the folding tray table on the back of the chair in front of us, which the person seated there should be very grateful for. Although most of the time there was no one seated in front of us or behind us. The car remained pretty empty for the majority of the trip. We had brought our car seat along and it fit nicely on the floor in front of the seat next to me. (There is no way to install the car seat on train, we just brought it to put in my parent's car in San Diego). We rode past train yards, construction sites, recycling plants and Angel's stadium-- perhaps not terribly scenic, but totally interesting to a 2 year old boy. Once we got down to Orange County we cut over to the coast and had a lovely ride along the beach. We took a walk down to the cafe car, had a snack (they mostly had pre-packaged food items) and before we knew it the 2 hour 10 minute ride was over.

Once in Solana Beach we walked down to the beach and Baby M played on a nearby playground. As an aside, there was tons of free beach parking-- I couldn't believe it. You never see that in LA! Then we headed over to my parent's house for a traditional Memorial Day BBQ. We came back to the station just before 7pm to catch our train home and were disappointed to find that the train was delayed. We stood on the platform for 30 minutes watching the Estimated Arrival Time increase in 2 minutes increments until finally it held steady at 7:36pm. Entertaining a toddler on a cold, narrow train platform is a challenge and this was the low point of our trip. If we had known how long the train was going to be delayed we would have waited in the station, but since the ETA was changing every couple of minutes we were never sure. Once the train finally arrived we were back home in a little over 2 hours.

Traveling by train is actually a great option for toddlers. They aren't confined to the car seat, can walk around to the different cars, eat snacks as needed and visit the toilet whenever they want. As parents you don't have to deal with surly security agents eyeing your sippy cup or a packed cabin full of harried passengers. Since Baby M does fairly well on a 2-3 hour car ride, we probably won't take the train to San Diego too often, but I would definitely consider it for trips to San Francisco or other towns in Northern California.

Underwood Family Farms

2010-05-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

So, it's been awhile since my last blog post. I got into a tussle with an avocado and a chef's knife and I lost. I cut my hand, severed a nerve, ended up in surgery and have been recuperating ever since. I'm still typing with one hand, but hopefully I will get full motion back in a few weeks, although I was told to expect the numbness to persist for a few months.

After surgery I went and stayed with my in-laws for a few days so that they could help out with Baby M. While we were there we had a chance to go to Underwood Family Farms in Moorpark. What a great place for kids! The farm has animals to feed, mini tractors to ride on and fields where you can pick your own produce (not certified organic, but pesticide free). It's beautifully landscaped and not nearly as dusty as you'd expect a farm to be. We went on a Tuesday afternoon and the farm was not crowded at all.

Tickets are $3 to get in (under 2 is free) and you can purchase tickets to ride ponies, pan for gold or ride the little train. We skipped the rides, but did spend a dollar to buy food to feed the goats, alpacas and chickens. We brought a picnic lunch which we ate in the grassy play area while Baby M enjoyed digging in the sand and riding the tiny toy tractors. Then we took a walk around the animal pens, stopping to feed a few animals and to watch the biggest pig I have ever seen have a bath. We also stopped to play on the big wooden train across from the pig pen.

Finally, we headed out to the fields to pick some strawberries. It was a bit of a trek to the strawberry fields and luckily we had the foresight to grab one of the wagons provided by the farm. Baby M was happy riding in the wagon, but I don't think he would have made it if he had to walk the whole way. The vegetables (beans, lettuce, broccoli) were much closer to the entrance. Fresh picked strawberries are delicious and these were no exception. They were big, bright red and juicy. Baby M really loved looking for the berries and helping his Lola find the biggest ones. We paid $1.99 a pound for a nice big basket. If you don't want to pick your own, you can buy the farm's produce from their stand near the entrance, for a slightly higher price. But why miss out on the fun of running around the fields?

We spent 2 hours at the farm, a good length of time for Baby M. Moorpark is about an hour's drive from West LA, so I can't see us going back often, but I will definitely try to incorporate a trip to the farm the next time we visit my in-laws. Underwood Farms also does birthday parties which I would totally consider if we lived a little closer. If you're looking for a fun, educational experience I definitely recommend Underwood Farms.

Library Books

2010-04-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

Baby M and I go to the library nearly every week and in the past I have spent a fair amount of time carefully picking out books for him. I'd wander the children's section while Baby M played with blocks, looking for the perfect mix of books-- a variety of artistic styles, some with simple text and some with rhymes, some about trains and some about children from foreign lands. If he expressed an interest in turtles I would find a book about a turtle. But now that Baby M is two and a half and Mr. Independent he insists on choosing his own books to take home. I am pleased that he is interested in books and reading, but I am not always happy with some of the lessons that the books he chooses impart. Here are a few ideas found in some of the books Baby M has picked up that I could do without

1. Vegetables are yucky and should be fed to the nearest pet dinosaur
2. There are scary monsters in your closet, under your bed and peeking in your window at night
3. Ice cream is a good reward for just about anything
4. Little brothers are annoying
5. "Shut Up"
6. Girl trucks talk too much and might just be insane, while boy trucks are bent on destruction, or at a minimum, getting really dirty

Now I understand that some kids already think vegetables are yucky or that monsters are hiding in their bedroom, but I would really like to avoid introducing these concepts to Baby M if I can. Sometimes when reading I'll change the story around, but then worry if I am hurting his literacy skills by not reading the words on the page. Sometimes a book will mysteriously "get lost". I still pick out books for Baby M and try to sneak them into his pile, but somehow The Stupids Take Off always ends up on the top of the stack.

So how about it? Have you ever been surprised by a message in a children's book? How do you handle it when you dislike the books your child chooses?

Baby M's Top 5 Toys for Toddlers

2010-04-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

By request, here are Baby M's top toys for toddlers. Baby M is two and half years old. His interests include trucks, dirt, sticks, trains and dinosaurs. So these are Baby M's favorite toys. The ones he continues to play with week after week. The ones that haven't broken after 2 hours and the ones that I haven't felt compelled to hide for my own sanity. And, in case you were wondering, I do not receive any free toys, coupons or any other sort of compensation from anybody.

Step2 Sand and Water Table
Baby M got this sandbox for his first birthday and he continues to play with it daily. I am amazed at how much time he can spend happily digging, scooping and splashing. Even better, he is quite content to play alone so that I can get a few things done. The toy is not perfect; my patio is perpetually covered with sand and I need to re-purchase sand a few times a year. Also, abandon any hope you have of the sand and water being sides staying separate. If your child is anything like Baby M you will have 2 sections of muck within minutes of setting it up. That being said, I highly recommend this toy. It would be my desert island toy, if desert islands didn't already come with ample amounts of sand and water.

Animal Planet's Big Tub of Dinosaurs
Baby M loves dinosaurs and this set comes with 9 plastic dinosaurs, a play mat, trees, rocks and volcanoes that you can set up to create a prehistoric world. Baby M always wants to know the names of the various dinosaurs (actually by now he knows more of them than me!) and I like that this set prints each dinosaur's name on its belly. Baby M and I set up the volcanoes and have the dinosaurs play hide and seek, look for food, play soccer, etc. I also enjoy eavesdroping on Baby M when he plays with this toy alone. His dinosaurs have all kinds of conversations, they usually go something like

T-Rex: Hey! Are you a hungry, hungry herbivore?
Stegosaurus : Yes, I am
T-Rex: Roar

Crayola Sidewalk Chalk
Baby M likes to draw and I just send him outside with this chalk so he can color all over the driveway to his heart's content. I like this set from Crayola because the chalk is nice and thick, doesn't break easily and there is a good selection of colors. If we're feeling like being active we'll draw out a game of hopscotch. If I think Baby M needs some intellectual stimulation we'll practice letters or draw a rainbow and talk about colors. Sometimes we just draw squiggles. I think because we can draw things on such a large scale and because we're doing it while we're outside he finds it more interesting than sitting at the kitchen table with a box of crayons. (And I don't have to worry about crayon ending up all over my table, walls and hardwood floors)

Thomas and Friends Wooden Railway
So yes, it does seem every little boy loves trains and Thomas in particular. We never really watched the show, but all it took were a couple Thomas and Friends books and trip to Travel Town to get Baby M on board. We started with this oval set and then bought a few other pieces (a tunnel, some additional tracks, a Rosie Engine and a singing caboose). Now our set up is still pretty simple but Baby M is seems happy with it. I actually wouldn't mind having a few more pieces since I'm the one who usually ends up constructing the track and I'd like a little variety. Once the track is built, Baby M is content to push the trains around yelling out "Uh oh, Rosie derailed!" every so often. The wooden pieces are sturdy and go together easily, although I do know some parents who have spent a small fortune building out their sons' collections.

Bristle Blocks
We actually have a 50 piece Bristle Block set by Lakeshore Learning, but I'd love to have a larger set like the one shown here. Baby M has several building toys that he enjoys playing with and they all have their merits, but the Bristle Blocks are my favorite. Baby M can put these blocks together without any help from me and because you can connect them on nearly every surface it's easy to build complicated structures. Baby M builds cars, airplanes, helicopters, robots, etc. Also, unlike many of the building sets, the blocks do not specify what he is supposed to build, so they encourage his creativity.

A Trip to Sea World

2010-04-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Last week my mother and I took Baby M to Sea World. Growing up in San Diego I took a lot of school field trips to Sea World. It was basically a zoo for aquatic animals-- a few aquariums, tanks for dolphins and sea lions, the Penguin Encounter, some corny shows, the Sparkletts Water Show and, my favorite, Captain Kids World. Captain Kids World was a playground with nets to climb on, giant bounce houses, and a maze of full size punching bags where inevitably a 12 year old would barrel through leaving a string of injured 3 year olds in his wake.

It's been at least 15 years since my last trip to Sea World, and while much of it has stayed the same (the Penguin Encounter, the dolphin tanks), it definitely has more of an amusement park feel now. The park has added a roller coaster, a raft ride and replaced most of Captain Kid's World with the Sesame Street Bay of Play. They've also updated their ticket prices so that they are more Disneyland and less zoo. An adult ticket costs $69, kids tickets (ages 3-9) are $59 and parking is $12. It's definitely worth searching out discounts. We got 20% off our tickets by showing our Southwest Rapid Rewards card and thankfully, Baby M, being under 3, was free. Also, you cannot bring food into the park, so plan on buying your lunch or heading back to your car for a picnic. I did bring in some snacks for Baby M and no one objected.

We got to the park around 10:30 and ended up waiting 30 minutes just to get into the park. Buy your tickets in advance if you can. We started out at The Sesame Street Bay of Play, which has Sesame Street themed rides and characters as well as some of the climbing nets from the old Captain Kids World. Baby M enjoyed the spinning teacup ride and getting his picture taken with Elmo, but I have to admit I kind of miss the old unbranded, non-motorized, probably more dangerous playground that I grew up with. We hit most of the exhibits breaking them up with lunch, the sea lion show (still as corny as ever) and the 4-D theater presentation of Sesame Street's Lights, Camera, Imagination. The 4-D theater shows movies in 3-D but also has squirting water, vibrating seats and air jets. Baby M managed to keep his 3-D glasses on and enjoyed the show, happily yelling out "I need an umbrella!" when it started "raining" in the theater. There was one scary moment involving a giant flying cookie, but overall he did really well sitting through the 20 minute movie.

We had fun at Sea World and since Baby M is particularly interested in sea creatures (and still free!) it was a great time for us to go. But it was also a long and tiring day. We were there for 8 hours on a hot day during Spring Break. Some of the exhibits were crowded and the shows were very full. Baby M was pretty good about riding in the stroller, but still needed to be carried through some exhibits. I'm definitely glad we went but I don't feel a need to back again until he is older and can get more out of the shows and rides.

Potty Training Pressure

2010-03-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

For the past few months whenever anyone asked me about potty training I'd (truthfully) reply that my pediatrician said not to bother starting until Baby M was two and a half. I cited recent research showing that the biggest predictor of success for potty training is when you start, optimally between 24 and 32 months. But as more and more of Baby M's playmates made the switch to underwear I started feeling the pressure. My in-laws gave me a DVD on potty training. Huggies started sending me coupons for Pull-Ups instead of diapers. I just kept repeating my mantra-- "two and a half, two and a half." But now Baby M is just days away from from the 30 month mark and the pressure is on.

The potty is not a new concept to Baby M. We've had a little green Ikea potty in his bathroom for months. We talk about the potty and what goes it in. We've read all about how Elmo uses the potty. But Baby M has no interest in using the potty himself. When I notice that he is about to have a bowel movement I ask if he wants to sit on the potty and he says, "No, I'll just go in my diaper." When we talk about how babies poop in diapers and big boys poop in the potty he is always sure to add, "but sometimes big boys pop in a diaper." When I ask him if he wants to learn to use the potty he brushes me off saying, "Maybe in the summertime."

And to be honest, I am just as ambivalent about potty training as he is. I don't relish the idea of being confined to the house so that we can sit on the potty every 30 minutes. I don't want to carry a potty with me in addition to the snacks, toys and whatever else it is that I lug around in my ridiculously heavy diaper bag. And then there is the extra laundry, upholstery and carpet cleaning that will undoubtedly result from the process. Most importantly, I don't want to get into a battle of wills with Baby M. I know I will lose.

So I think I may delay a little longer. I've still got 2 more months before we hit the 32 month deadline, after which point he will be more likely to suffer ongoing urge incontinence issues. And it is starting to get pretty warm outside, so maybe in a few weeks I can convince Baby M that it's the summertime. Although the last time I asked him about learning to use the potty he said, "Maybe when I go to preschool in the fall." Hmmm.... I can't imagine where he gets this tendency to procrastinate from.

Raising Freethinkers

2010-03-12T20:21:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief by Dale McGowan. I read Parenting Beyond Belief a few years ago; it's a series of reflections on non-religious parenting written from a variety of perspectives, everything from "spiritual but not religious" types to those in interfaith marriages to militant atheists. I enjoyed that book so when I heard there was a sequel out I decided to take a look.

Raising Freethinkers is more of a practical parenting guide and, despite having several authors, the perspective is relatively unified. The message is pretty middle of the road-- lots of calls for tolerance, the Unitarian church and letting kids make their own choices. The book's format makes for a quick read. For each major topic there is a 2-3 page introduction followed by a Q&A section and a list of related activities and resources. Topics range from how to build critical thinking skills to the value of religious literacy to sexuality. Most of the activities are geared towards older kids (ages 6 and above), so there weren't a lot of projects for me to do with Baby M right now. The resource lists, however, are exhaustive-- books, web sites, organizations with a secular bent for every conceivable topic. Looking for tips on planning a funeral for a goldfish? Got it . Alternative organizations to the Boy Scouts? Check. Toys that teach kids about evolution and natural selection? No problem. I checked the book out of the library, but I'm considering adding it to my parenting library for the resource lists alone.

I should note that so far it has not been very difficult being a non-religious parent. I live in Los Angeles, not Utah. There are plenty of non-religious activities and groups here to be a part of. I don't have any terribly religious relatives pushing traditions on me and my husband and I are more or less in sync when it comes to morals and ethics, celebrating holidays and the lack of religion in Baby M's life. That being said, there are things that religion does seem to make easier. I can see how it would be nice to have the shortcut answer "because God says so" to certain questions. Trying to explain why lying is wrong to a 2 year old can be difficult. And when Baby M asked why peacocks have big feathers it certainly would have been quicker to say "because God made them that way" instead of going into an explanation of mutation and natural selection. Raising Freethinkers does a good job of giving non-religious parents some ideas and techniques for discussing these sorts of complex ideas with children.

McGowan also points out that there are some things non-religious parents might want to take a cue from the devout on. Organized religion does a very good job of supporting the members of its community. It creates a space where everyone can work together to teach common values to their children. I can see the benefit of my child being around other adults who regularly talk about the importance our our family's values -- honesty, respect, responsibility, fairness and compassion (yes we do have them, just because we don't go to church doesn't mean we don't have values). Also, religions have built in traditions to mark and celebrate milestones. I may not want to throw Baby M a Bar Mitzvah, but it might be nice to acknowledge and celebrate his eventual transition to adulthood, noting both its benefits and responsibilities. Raising Freethinkers gives ideas and suggestions on how to incorporate community and ritual into a secular family.

The book gave me a lot to think about, most of which will probably just get filed away for later as I deal with the more pressing issues of potty training, nose picking and getting Baby M to eat something other than Kashi cereal. Seriously, he is addicted to Kashi cereal. Last night he was talking in his sleep, chanting "More Kashi cereal. More Kashi cereal." At least I know he's getting enough fiber.

Kid's Music, Train Music, Finger Dancing Music

2010-03-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

About a year ago I visited a friend whose toddler was addicted to kid's music. Not good kid's music. Not a variety of kid's music. One CD of kid's music. The kind of kid's music that gives kid's music a bad name. There were no clever lyrics a la They Might Be Giants no catchy tunes from The Sippy Cups, no duets between Perry Farrell and Deborah Harry. There was one chirpy woman over enunciating "This Old Man" accompanied by a piano and, I'm not kidding, a recorder. You just knew this woman had buggy eyes, an extra wide grin and probably a "fun" hat. But for whatever reason the child loved this music. The CD had to be playing the moment the car started and it was the only music he allowed in the house. During the pauses between songs the boy would panic, apparently convinced he would never hear that cloyingly sweet voice again. I left the long weekend with "Trot Old Joe" on an endless loop in my head and a renewed commitment to avoid exposing Baby M to kids music.

To be honest, I never really understood the need for kids music. I grew up listening to my parents old Beatles albums and the Grease soundtrack. Why couldn't Baby M just listen to the music we enjoyed? He seemed to like it well enough. Then one day we were in the car and Nine Inch Nails came on the radio. "What's this song all about?" Baby M asked. "Animals", I said and left it at that. But Baby M did get several age appropriate CDs for Christmas (Jazz for Kids, Sesame Street Playground, and A World of Happiness).

Lately, however, Baby M has become more discerning in his musical tastes. He likes "Train Music" and "Boat Music" but not "People Music" or "Dancing Music" (although "Finger Dancing Music" is approved.) Unfortunately I have not been able to crack his classification system. For "Train Music" I tried songs about trains. I tried songs with train whistles in them. I tried songs with drum beats that sounded like the clickety-clack of train cars. I even tried a song by the band Train. None of those worked. Then yesterday we were driving in the car and Baby M cried out "This is Train Music!" Turns out "Love Cats" by the Cure is Train Music. Who knew?

Fire Truck Museum

2010-02-21T00:33:00.001-08:00

Today we went to the LAFD Historical Society museum in Hollywood, aka The Fire Truck Museum. If your kid is into fire trucks, this is a great place to visit. The museum is located in Old Fire Station 27 which was built in the 1930’s and for many years was the largest fire station west of the Mississippi. Inside you’ll find antique fire trucks, ambulances, hoses, etc. They even had some of those big nets for catching people with the red bull’s-eye in the middle; apparently they don’t only exist in cartoons.

The first floor has all of the big trucks and equipment, along with a display of miniature fire trucks behind glass. Sadly, the kids are not allowed to climb on the trucks. Upstairs there are more exhibits and a large room with toy fire trucks and dress up uniforms for the kids to play with. Baby M and his good friend Baby F killed about 2 hours running around the museum and playing with the toys. It’s worth noting that there were only 3 or 4 trucks in the play area, possibly a problem if more than a few kids show up. Today it was just us and one other child, and, oddly enough, the Daughters of the American Revolution, who were using the upstairs meeting room. The museum staff, mostly made up of retired firemen, was very friendly and gave the kids free plastic fire hats to take home with them. And as a bonus for us moms, there are also active firemen hanging around which is nice if you get tired of looking at trucks and ladders.

The museum is open Saturdays only from 10am – 4pm and is free, although a $5 donation per adult is requested. I found free street parking less than a block away without too much trouble and there were plenty of metered spots available as well.

Let sleeping babies lie?

2010-02-16T16:33:00.001-08:00

Lately Baby M is not a big fan of the car seat. Getting him into the seat takes a lot of convincing, cajoling and the occasional threat of police intervention. Earlier this week I was parked next to the library in the midst of tense car seat negotiations when an SUV pulled up behind me. I didn't pay much attention to it and 15 minutes later, after finally getting Baby M buckled in, I got out of back seat walked around to the car driver's side. I happened to look up at the Escape parked behind me and saw 2 sleeping babies, probably around a year old in the backseat. I froze. What should I do? Yes, the windows were cracked and the kids seemed fine, but it was a warm day and and the car wasn't shaded. And, besides hasn't everyone heard a tragic story about a baby being left in car? Who does that?

Okay, actually I do that, but under very controlled circumstances. I leave my sleeping kid in the car parked on my shaded back patio with all the windows open, behind a locked gate and guard dog. I stay nearby and I don't do it when it's hot out. There it is, my true mom confession.

Now aside from worrying about confronting a possibly ornery father there was also the fact that I had just gotten Baby M into his car seat. Taking him back out and then putting him in again would delay us a minimum of 30 minutes. And leaving him strapped in while I ran into the library to complain about someone else's baby locked in a car seemed a bit too hypocritical. So I decided to wait 5 minutes and see if the man returned.

Now I totally get the urge to leave your sleeping kid in the car and I'm sure the prospect of rousing 2 sleeping toddlers for what should be a 5 minute errand seems ridiculous. That's why since becoming a parent I've become a big fan of the drive-through. Drive-through restaurants, drive-through coffee, drive-through drug stores. Now if only there was a drive-through supermarket, a drive-through Target and a drive-through library I would be all set. But when there is no drive-through you can't just leave your kids in the car. A five minute errand can easily become a 20 or 30 minute ordeal. Which is what seemed to have happened in this case.

After 5 minutes and still no dad, I got out of the car. I looked around and resigned myself to taking Baby M out and initiating a potentially ugly confrontation. Then, to my relief, a older couple walked by. I explained the situation and asked if they would mind having the library page the father. They readily agreed. I was still worried about an unpleasant encounter with the dad, so I got in my car and started circling the block. Two loops later the father appeared with his books and got in the car and drove away.

I still wonder if I should have handled it differently. Maybe I should have just waited around, keeping an eye on the kids as a show of compassion for a busy parent. Maybe I should expressed my concerns to the father directly, letting him know I understood his predicament, but that he was really endangering his kids, instead of wimping out and letting someone else do the dirty work. Maybe I should have called the police and taught him a lesson. I don't know. What would you have done?

The Snowman

2010-02-15T21:51:00.000-08:00

Baby M is a big fan of snowmen. In particular, Frosty the Snowman. Two months after Christmas we still sing the song daily and read the story several times a week. Baby M reminisces about watching the animated Frosty special with his grandparents, saying "We only listened to Frosty; there was no pictures." (Grandparents were babysitting and couldn't figure out to work our TV. Amazingly, Baby M listened to the entire 30 minute show while watching a blank screen. Luckily we Tivo'd it and he got to watch it again with sound and picture.) Every so often he says "Frosty the Snowman is a mailman" and then laughs like a loon. This is a joke that my in-laws taught him. Don't ask me. I don't get it. The point is, thinking, talking and singing about snowmen take up a fair amount of Baby M's time.

So when we traveled up to Big Bear this past weekend we were really looking forward to building a snowman with him. On the way up the mountain my husband and I quizzed Baby M: "How do you build a snowman?" Baby M replied matter-of-factly, "You need snow feet and you need to buy snow ears and get a carrot nose." Then for clarification he added, "Frosty has a button nose."

We met up with our friends and their 2 kids at our rented cabin and spent an hour or so building a 4 foot tall snowman. The snow was a bit icy so it wasn't an easy task, and I kept lobbying for a 2 foot tall snowman, but to no avail. My husband was insistent that the snowman be at least as tall as a Kindergartener. He and the kids soldiered on and eventually they created a pretty impressive snowman. Baby M, however, was disappointed. "He doesn't talk," he stated flatly. I tried to explain to him that Frosty had a magic hat and that's why he could talk, but Baby M just looked at me and said, "No Mommy, he's just pretend." So much for childhood fantasy.

Later that afternoon some more friends came up to visit with their 3 kids who proceeded knock the head off the snowman and then punch and kick him until he was just a sad little snow pile. Baby M didn't seem to mind and with 6 kids under 6 running around none of the parents said much about it either. But my poor husband was crushed. As we drove down the mountain he sadly wondered why everyone stood by and allowed a pack of boys to destroy the lovingly built snowman. Why didn't anyone apologize? Don't kids today have any respect? He would have sounded like a grumpy old man except for the fact that he was sincerely heartbroken over it. Poor guy. I guess sometimes neither snowmen nor Daddies get any respect.

Star Eco Station

2010-02-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

I'd been hearing about something called the Star Eco Station in Culver City for about a year, but I never quite understood what it was. I knew it had tours and reptiles and was somewhere along Jefferson Blvd, but that was about the extent of my knowledge. So today Baby M and I decided to find out what the Star Eco Station is all about. (One of Baby M's catchphrases lately is "What's this all about?" It is applied to everything from books to breakfast cereal.)

The Star Eco Station provides rescue and rehabilitation for illegal, abandoned or abused exotic wildlife. You know when you hear about a trucker who kept a bobcat in his cab for years, feeding it nothing but bologna and hot dogs? That cheetah ends up at Star Eco Station, along with abandoned cockatoos, iguanas, boa constrictors, etc. Visitors can tour the center learn about the animals and view them up close. The Star Eco Station also works with the community and local schools to do environmental outreach and education.

Baby M and I showed up for the 11:30am tour on Sunday and were the only ones there, although there were a few people ahead of us on the 11:00 tour. Our tour guide, Eden, was friendly and knowledgeable and did a good job of tailoring the tour to Baby M's level. We started off looking at fish and turtles, and then moved on to the big cats (bobcats, servals, etc), but the real highlight of the tour was the reptile room. Here Baby M was able to see geckos, iguanas, pythons, chameleons and giant dragon lizards that he mistook for dinosaurs. But even more exciting than mini dinosaurs was the fact that Eden took many of the reptiles out of the cages and allowed Baby M to pet and hold them. I never expected to see my two year old holding a boa constrictor and if I did, I certainly didn't think I'd be telling him to smile so I could snap a photo, but I did just that. Finally we moved on to the exotic bird room which was loud and smelly, though the birds were colorful and Baby M enjoyed watching volunteers feed them nuts.

Our tour lasted about 30 minutes, but I know Eden skipped or shortened stops at a few of the exhibits due to Baby M's age, which was appropriate. I could see the tour lasting about an hour for an older, engaged child. That being said, I do think it was worth taking Baby M. He was very interested in the animals, loved seeing them up close and I got some very cool pictures. Tickets are $8 for adults and $6 for kids (infants in strollers are free). I can see us coming back for the tour again in a few years and will definitely check out some of the annual Star Eco Station community events like the DinoFaire and the Creepy Crawly Creature Feature.

You're not the boss of me

2010-02-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

Today I told Baby M, "You're not the boss of me!" Seriously. Which one of us is two again? What's even more embarrassing is that I don't think either one of us believed me when I said it. Baby M is sooo the boss of me. "Pick me up. "Put me down." "Dance with me." "Give me a snack." "No, not rice cakes." I feel like I obey every one of his commands and yet this tiny dictator is still never satisfied. This is one of those days that I'm sure I am just one ineffective parenting tactic away from my Supernanny debut.

Of course, I'm sure to Baby M it seems that I'm the tyrant. "Time to eat." "Let's get dressed." "Step away from the DVD player." However he doesn't acquiesce or respond with petulant slogans. He simply screams "No," runs away and hides behind the curtains. At least I haven't sunk to concealing myself in the draperies yet. Let's hope both of us can learn to respond a bit more maturely to requests in the next few months.

Rhythm Child

2010-01-26T14:23:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week Baby M and I went to Rhythm Child at the Santa Monica Library's Fairview branch. The Rhythm Child network has a variety of products and programs, but at the library, founder Norm Jones led the kids in a drum workshop. Baby M loves drumming and had a blast at the workshop. Norm had a ton of energy, but perhaps even more importantly, he had a ton of instruments. Every kid could get the exact type of drum he or she wanted so there were no fights or tears. Somewhere along the way Baby M lost his bongo drum and we just grabbed another one out of one of the large bins. No problem.

Norm led the kids in playing loud and soft, fast and slow, taught them some simple rhythms and told them a story about Pirates. The kids had plenty of time to drum, dance, sing and just be themselves. I've seen a fair number of child entertainers by this point and one thing that made Norm stand out was how well he responded to some of the more unexpected actions of the kids. When one child explained that he didn't have a drum but he did have a "pee pee potty" Norm was impressed. When another child came up to the front to show Norm his pirate shirt, Norm just lifted him up and said, "Look everybody, he has pirates on his shirt." In both cases he incorporated their comments into the performance and made everyone feel comfortable and part of the group. It's easy for entertainers in these situations to play to the parents or older kids with jokes or eye rolls that leave the younger kid feel confused or embarrassed. I've been to other events where a disruptive child asked to sit down or he is indulged while a disapproving glance is directed towards the parent. In this case nothing felt disruptive or inapproriate. It didn't matter if you had a shy kid, a loud kid or a kid who just wanted to bang on a drum, everyone felt accepted and everyone had fun. It was one of the most joyful afternoons we've ever spent at the library.

Rhythm Child has events throughout Los Angeles, and many of them are free. Check out their calendar to find out where they'll be next.

Time for a new mommy

2010-01-23T09:35:00.000-08:00

I've been watching episodes of My So-Called Life on Hulu lately. I loved the show the first time around, but back in the early 90's I was much more interested in Angela's crush on Jordan Catalano than the sub-plots involving her parents. Now I am struck by her parent's struggle to deal with a child who suddenly seems to wish they would just disappear.

The point being, I am fully aware that someday Baby M will shrug off my hugs, roll his eyes at me and ask to be dropped off a block away from his destination so that I don't embarrass him in front of his friends. However, I figured this change would occur sometime in early adolescence, not at 2 years old. I was definitely not prepared for Baby M to push me and then say "I'm pushing you away because I don't want you anymore. I want a new Mommy."

Initially I was more shocked than hurt. This seemed like a pretty sophisticated sentence, not to mention concept for a 2 year old. Did he really want a different mommy? I admit, I was not at my parenting best when the exchange occurred. I was sitting next to Baby M as he lingered over his lunch, refusing to eat until I tried to take the plate away and then taking one tiny bite to show he wasn't finished yet. I was bored, distracted by a KenKen puzzle and not paying much attention to Baby M. But still, was I really such a terrible mother that he needed to trade me in?

A few moments later he relented, claimed he didn't want a new mommy and nearly strangled me trying to convince me of his love. But the whole incident gave me pause. I hope this is not indicative of things to come.

The Almighty Timer

2010-01-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

The timer on my iPhone is my new best friend. With the help of the timer Baby M happily leaves the park, brushes his teeth, even sits down to dinner (although remaining seated is a whole different ballgame). Who knew Baby M would have more respect for a beeping handheld device than for his own mother?

I have to admit I was a little late to the timer party. My husband started using the timer with Baby M, unbeknownst to me, several weeks ago. I have friends using the timer with their kids and I have even read books singing the praises of "Mr. Dinger." I don't know why I never bothered to try one with Baby M. Instead, when it was time to go I would lovingly try to reason with him, moving on to bribes and then outright commands. When all else failed I would drag a kicking and screaming toddler from the sandbox. Now I simply say "It's time to leave in 5 minutes. What kind of timer do you want?" Baby M selects a sound from the iPhone's list of standard ringers, I set the timer and we're done. It doesn't always goes smoothly, but usually the battle is around whether or not I set the timer not whether or not we leave. Once the timer is set there are no further arguments. The almighty Marimba (or Robot or Old Car Horn) always gets the final word.

And how deeply is the power of the timer ingrained in Baby M's psyche? Yesterday I was brushing my teeth before we ventured out for the day. Baby M came into the bathroom with his toy cell phone. He hit the button and it started beeping. "It's time to go" he told me matter-of-factly. Ask not for whom the timer beeps, it beeps for thee.

Why?

2010-01-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

At almost 27 months to the day Baby M entered his “why” phase. I can actually pinpoint the conversation that announced it

Me: Let’s put your jacket on
Baby M: Why?
Me: Because it’s cold outside
Baby M: Why?
Me: Because it’s winter
Baby M: Why?
Me: Because the Earth revolves around the sun on a tilted axis
Baby M: Why?
Me : That’s just Earth’s nature

I have noticed that no matter how many iterations of “why?” and “because…” we go through, there ultimately appear to be just two answers—“That’s just X’s nature” and “Because I was born clumsy.” I suppose once you think about it, they are really the same answer. Being clumsy is just my nature.

Griffith Park, The Trails & the Observatory

2010-01-05T14:50:00.001-08:00

Last Sunday was beautiful in Los Angeles. Sunny, blue sky, warm weather, a perfect day for a hike. So we headed over to Griffith Park to check out The Trails Cafe and do a little hiking. The Trails is a great place for brunch with a little one. It's very simple-- a walk up counter and some picnic tables off to the side. There are a few games piled next to the eating area for guests to play; Baby M was particularly fond of Connect Four. The menu is healthy, plenty of organic and even vegan options. My husband and I had homemade granola with a generous portion of fresh berries. Baby M had a waffle with real maple syrup. We also picked up a couple of their infamous lavender shortbread cookies, which were amazing. Really, the best shortbread cookies I've had in my life. At 9:30am the cafe wasn't very crowded, but by the time we left the park around 1pm there was a line of people down the road.

After finishing up our breakfast we walked across the street where there were some hiking trails and a small playground. Baby M was in heaven. Piles of giant Sycamore leaves, interesting sticks, foot bridges, rocks to climb on... He was so enthralled with nature's playground that he didn't even notice the man-made plastic one a few yards away. The hiking paths are wide and flat, perfect for walking with toddlers and probably fine for most strollers too. Feeling extra ambitious we decided to walk up the hill to the observatory. The walk took about an hour and Baby M made it half way before asking my husband to carry him the rest of the way. The view from the observatory was amazing-- from snow capped mountains to Catalina Island and the city stretching out in every direction. After admiring the view, we went into the observatory. Surprisingly, Baby M really enjoyed looking at the exhibits and we even considered taking him to see the show in the planetarium. Unfortunately, kids under 5 are only admitted to the first show of the day (10:45am on weekends, 12:45pm during the week) and we had already missed it.

After thoroughly exploring the observatory we walked back down the hill and headed home. Baby M fell asleep in the car and took an unheard of two and a half hour nap. I guess we tired him out.

Mommy Mania

2009-12-31T23:00:00.000-08:00

Baby M has been quite the Mommy's Boy lately. And this is not the typical wanting only Mommy to tuck him in or give him his bath, this is some serious Mommy mania. Every morning Baby M wakes me up by mashing his face into mine. He doesn't bang my head, he simply lines up our foreheads and presses his face towards mine, patiently, with increasing pressure, as if he's trying to somehow merge our molecules together. Next he will lay down on my head, essentially smothering me with love. I tell him that he is hurting me and say that maybe Daddy would like a hug. "No, Mommy" he replies. When I roll out from under him, get out of bed and stumble towards the bathroom he shouts "You forgot to pick me up! and chases after me hanging onto my leg until I relent and pick him up.

I hold him while I prepare our breakfast, while we eat our breakfast, until sometime about 2 hours later when he is ready to be put down. The rest of the day our activities are interrupted frequently with kisses, hugs and more face mashing. When we go to the park he ignores his friends and drags me over to ride his "train" (a train is anything we can both sit on, I have ridden "couch trains", "stair trains" and "slide trains").

Don' t get me wrong, I love all the affection and I know it won't last long. Soon enough Baby M will be shrugging off my hugs, calling me "Mom" and spending all his time with his little skate-punk friends. But the thing is, he is heavy! Going about your day carrying while extra 30 lbs is tiring, no matter how many hugs and kisses you get in return. By the end of the day my arms and back are aching. I have to admit I am looking forward to the "Daddy Phase" and I think my husband is too. He has been feeling a little unappreciated lately.

So there you have it. I am actually complaining about too many toddler kisses. Look for my future posts where I discuss how my waist is too skinny and my wallet is too fat.

Hawaii Baby!

2009-12-17T13:19:00.000-08:00

We just got back from our week long trip to the Big Island of Hawaii. Baby M did quite well and I think he is ready for pretty much any trip we might want to do. Of course his favorite part of the trip was staying in the hotel and riding in a minivan, so he probably would have been just as happy in Cleveland, but mom and dad were quite pleased to be in a tropical paradise.

As you may recall, 4 days before leaving on this trip I learned that I had miscarried 11 weeks into my pregnancy. I had a D&C the next day and left for Hawaii with a bottle of antibiotics and strict instructions not to submerge my lower half in any sort of water for a week. That meant no snorkeling, no swimming and no relaxing in the jacuzzi while watching the sun set over the Pacific. Lucky for me the Big Island has lots to do and we kept busy with other activities.

The Big Island is, as the name indicates, big and if there is one thing I regret about our trip it's that we didn't plan out our week better. There are rocky, sandy, sunny, rainy and volcanic sides to the island. Each has interesting sites, but it can take several hours of driving on winding, 2 lane roads to get to the different areas. Our haphazard approach to sightseeing resulted in missing a few places we wanted to see and probably more time in the car than was really necessary. If you're going to try to see the entire island, I would suggest booking a few days on the Kona side and a few on the Hilo side to eliminate some of the driving.

We stayed at Aston Kona By the Sea in Kailua-Kona and shared a 2 bed/2 bath condo with some friends. The condo was reasonably priced and worked well for us. It was large, had a kitchen and laundry in the unit, a balcony overlooking the ocean and its carpet and wicker furniture were very kid friendly. The resort had a pool, jacuzzi and a strip of sand between the pool and the rocky coast. There are not a lot of sandy beaches around Kailua-Kona (mostly rocks) and since Baby M loves digging this strip was a key attraction for us.

A few of our other favorite activities:

Pu'uhonua o Honaunau - a national park and historical site, there are ancient structures and recreations of Hawaiian temples, plus there are huge sea turtles wandering around.

Chocolate Factory Tour - this was a very detailed tour explaining how the chocolate is grown and processed. The grounds are lovely and there are free chocolate samples.

Greenwell Coffee Tour - we went on tours of several coffee plantations and this one was our favorite, but the best tasting coffee was actually at the Mountain Thunder plantation.

Hilton Waikaloa Village - This resort feels a bit like "Las Vegas - Hawaii!!", but it was a nice place to visit with Baby M. There are boats and trains to get around, a dolphin pond, a protected sandy beach, bridges, waterfalls, basically if Baby M could design a hotel this would be it.

Mauna Kea Beach - Best beach on the island. Beautiful, sandy, waves just the right size for Baby M, fancy hotel bar nearby... I couldn't swim but I would have been happy laying on this beach all day.

Kilauea and Volcanoes National Park - Hawaii has an active volcano and if you are lucky you'll be able to see lava flowing into the ocean. We didn't plan ahead and weren't dressed appropriately for the hike down to the coast, and it probably would have been too difficult with Baby M anyway, but we did enjoy the film in the visitor center, walking through the lava tubes and watching the steam rise out of the crater.

One and Done?

2009-12-03T20:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had my 3rd miscarriage. Out of 4 pregnancies, we've ended up with 1 baby. A baby I am eternally grateful for and that I feel very lucky to have, but nevertheless we've got a batting average of 25%. Not so hot. Aside from mourning this pregnancy, which involved a significant amount of heartache despite my efforts not to get too attached to it, I've also been questioning how many times I am willing to go through this. It's not like getting pregnant in the first place is easy for us. Conception involves daily temperature readings, precision timing, sperm friendly lubricants and the occasional pharmaceutical. For us the whole process of getting pregnant and then making it through the first 4 months is stressful, emotional and not nearly as much fun as it should be. I jealously watch those couples who get pregnant easily and then happily begin decorating the nursery, never questioning that in 9 months they will be holding a screaming bundle of joy.

Increasingly, or for today at least, the idea of "one and done", is sounding more and more appealing. I can stop piling up outgrown ExerSaucers and bassinets in the garage. Travel, dinners out, concerts are all much more manageable with only one child. Our house is perfectly adequate for 1 child, two and we'd probably need to move. Our sleeping and eating schedules are finally starting to even out. And committing to one child would mean I could toss my copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, my binder full of fertility charts and Clomid prescriptions.

People often tell me to relax, stop worrying, just see what happens. And as much as I say we'll play it by ear, the possibility that we'll have another child is always in the back of mind. I keep my eye on real estate listings, I apply to preschools with the expectation that I may have an infant to look after. I keep telling my husband that trip to India needs to be put off a few more years. Two children is written into our financial plan.

Still, I would like Baby M to have a sibling. I think he'd make a great big brother. I think that there is room in our family for one more. But at the same time, everyone has a limit. There is only so much heartache you can take. I know for some people their drive for a child, or a second child, is so strong that they will endure years of fertility treatments and failed pregnancies. I just don't think that kind of dedication is in my constitution. At some point, I will decide I am done. How will I decide? I just don't know.

Page Museum and La Brea Tar Pits

2009-11-18T13:18:00.000-08:00

Baby M is going through a dinosaur phase. He has dinosaurs on his pajamas, reads dinosaur books and has become obsessed with the show Dinosaur Train on PBS (combining the two universal toddler passions, trains and dinosaurs. Genius!) So, this week I decided to take him to the Page Museum and La Brea Tar Pits to see some real dinosaurs, or more accurately Ice Age mammals. This was a miscalculation on my part because Woolly Mammoths and Saber Tooth Tigers really don't have much in common with Brontosauruses, but Baby M was happy to be going to the "Dinosaur Museum" all the same.

We've visited Hancock Park and run around the tar pits plenty of times, but had never ventured into the Page Museum. I paid the $7 entrance fee (Baby M, being under 5 was free) and we wandered around looking at the giant skeletons, the animatronic mammoth and the wall of wolf skulls. Most of the exhibits were too complicated for Baby M, but he liked running around shouting "Mommy, look at that!" He also enjoyed walking through the atrium and watching the turtles.

Then we decided to check out the 10 minute movie "Treasures of the La Brea Tar Pits." This was another miscalculation on my part. Most of the film is animated, but it shows, in detail, exactly how all those animals got stuck in the tar pits. A panicked horse, stuck in the tar pit, is pounced upon by a snarling Saber Tooth Tiger. The tiger is soon joined by a pack of wolves, all feasting on the struggling horse. There may have been squirting blood. I can't remember, but it was definitely more violent than I was comfortable with. A few of the predators fall in the pit and the scene ends with their carcasses being picked over by vultures. Baby M seemed more confused than disturbed. "What happened to the horse, Mommy?" he kept asking through the remainder of the movie. Even once we were outside strolling past the tar pits he kept looking for that horse. After repeated explanations from me he finally concluded "the horse got stuck in the water pit," which he reported somberly to his father later that evening. Hopefully he is not scarred for life.

Holiday Dilemma

2009-11-15T13:11:00.000-08:00

Once you get married holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas get a little more complicated. For the past 9 years my husband and I have had a predictable system in place for how we spend the Christmas holidays. Odd years with his family, even years with mine. Luckily both of our parents live within a couple of hours of Los Angeles (in opposite directions) so we always get a chance to see both families sometime between Christmas and New Year's Day. The system really just governs where we are on the actual 25th. And when I say the 25th, that also includes the 24th and usually the 26th as well. After Baby M was born we kept the system in place and now each set of grandparents has had the baby over once on Christmas.

Up until now we have not had a Christmas Tree or much at all in the way of holiday decorations. This is partly because we are never home on Christmas, partly because there is really no good place to put a tree in our small house and partly because I am just plain lazy. But now that Baby M is getting older I am starting to feel the urge to put up a tree, bake some cookies and hang stockings. And I want to start our own Christmas Eve and Christmas morning traditions, at our house with our family, ie. the three of us. Keep in mind, I still plan on getting to the grandparent's house by Christmas afternoon and staying over for a few nights. They will absolutely have the chance to shower Baby M with presents and stuff him full of sweets.

My husband, however, thinks this idea is selfish and will offend his parents. And I have to agree, it very well might offend his parents. I think they already wonder why we don't spend more time with them. And maybe it is selfish. I do want my husband and my baby all to myself, to cuddle, to tell stories, to hang stockings and make memories. I want to be the one who tells Baby M that he has to go back to bed if he wants Santa to come and I want to be the first one he wakes up on Christmas morning. And, though it is un-Christmas-like, I don't want to share it. To a certain extent I feel like our parents had their chance to play Santa and now its our turn.

My husband argues that there is no reason we can't establish traditions that involve the grandparents, that we are lucky to have them nearby, that they won't be around forever, that we have "family time" 7 days a week. He says just because I treasure my childhood memories of waking up Christmas morning at my house with my brother and parents doesn't mean that Baby M won't have just as happy memories of waking up at Grandma's house. All good points. My husband is an engineer, frustratingly logical and difficult to argue with.

And so here we are, a few weeks from December and we are still no closer to reaching an agreement. I suppose we could wait another year, my parents already assume that we won't be spending Christmas Eve with them, but then there will be the fact that Baby M spent 2 Christmases with the other set of grandparents and only 1 with them. And that is the kind of thing that might very well offend my parents.

And so, I am reaching out to you, blogosphere, any suggestions? Perhaps someone has a brilliant solution that we haven't thought of. Or maybe you'll say stop worrying about offending your parents and grow up already. Or you could say stop being a greedy Scrooge and let your parents enjoy their grandchild. I'm ready to hear it all. Lay it on me.

Backseat Baby Driver

2009-11-06T15:26:00.001-08:00

Last week I was driving my husband and Baby M over to visit a friend who recently gave birth to her second child. We were running late and I was a bit frustrated with my husband, technically the cause of our delay, although he really had no control over the situation. Anyway, a few blocks from our destination I rounded a bend and my husband cried out, "You're driving too fast." Now, I was driving under the speed limit. Was I driving too fast considering he had a steaming hot pan of ratatouille on his lap? Perhaps. But now, whenever I am in the car with Baby M what do I hear? "Mommy, you're driving too fast." Just what I need, a back seat baby driver.

Say what?

2009-10-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

The other day a friend dejectedly told me that her 2 year daughter has started saying "Shut Up!" She's embarrassed and fears people will think her home is filled with verbal abuse (it isn't). And I know more than one mom who was surprised and appalled when her toddler whipped out the S-bomb or worse on the playground. It's really amazing some of the phrases kids pick up, even if they only hear them one time. So far Baby M has not said anything truly objectionable (although he does have a tendency to shout "poop" at inopportune times) but I am still bothered by some of the things he does say.

The other day I made a quick stop at the computer to look up an address and Baby M started tugging on my leg and whining "No check your email Mommy." Later, we were getting ready to go to the park. I went into the bathroom to put on some lip gloss and Baby M followed me insisting "No put on make-up Mommy." Email? Make-up? Where did Baby M learn these words? How much time am I spending on the computer and my personal appearance? And is it taking away from time I should be spending with Baby M?

I know that we all need a little "me-time" each day, but I also know that with my laptop always on and sitting on the kitchen counter it is perhaps a little too easy for me to walk by on the way to play with Baby M and say, "Oh, a new email. It will just take a second to read it." And usually it does just take a few seconds to read it, but I wonder if it is also sending Baby M the message that the computer is my priority instead of him. So I have resolved to keep the laptop closed and only check email a few times a day when Baby M is napping or engaged with some other activity. Now, as for the make-up thing, I am pretty certain I am not spending more than a few minutes a day in front on the mirror. If I am am spending an excessive amount of time on my personal appearance I really need to take a class or something, because the results are not that impressive. So for now, Mommy is keeping her lip gloss. Sorry, Baby M, you'll just have to wait.

Happiest Toddler on the Block

2009-10-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Baby M's frequent tantrums had me at the end of my rope so I decided to check out Harvey Karp's book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old. I just finished reading it and although I don't agree with all of the advice in the book , there are enough helpful tips to make it worthwhile. One of Karp's suggestions helped me get Baby M into my gym's Kids Club so that I could take a yoga class and that hour alone was well worth the time I spent reading the book.

The book is tactical in nature and a quick, although repetitive read. It's broken into 3 sections. In the first section Karp tells us that toddlers are like "cavemen"-- not fully developed, lacking verbal skills and ruled by their emotions. Yeah, I didn't need a book to tell me that. The second section explains Karp's technique for communicating with toddlers using the "Fast Food Rule (FFR)" and "Toddlerese". The last section gives examples of what you can do to encourage good behavior, discourage not so good behavior and stop very bad or dangerous behavior.

First, what I liked about the book: I liked that he reminds us to acknowledge and respect our child's feelings, even in the midst of a tantrum. The FFR basically means that you repeat what your child is feeling, mirroring his emotions, before you communicate what you want him to do. (Just like the guy at McDonald's repeats your order back before he tells you to drive forward and pay him $5.50). This is a technique that I learned back when I was a peer counselor in high school AND college, so you think it would have stuck with me, but I never thought to try it with Baby M. Karp recommends doing the FFR in "Toddlerese" which is speaking in simple, repetitive phrases that toddlers understand even when upset. So you might say to your agitated child "Ball, ball, you want the ball!" before saying "but we have to share with Sam right now." I'm happy to report that the FFR + Toddlerese has been very effective in reducing Baby M's tantrums. Sometimes the tantrum starts anew when I get to the "but", but more than half of the time I'm able to quell the blow up. I also liked his suggestions to "play the boob" (e.g. try to put Baby M's shoes on his hands and allow him to show me the right way to do it), make up stories for teaching good behavior, and to use compromises. Baby M is really into "making deals" right now and we regularly bargain down reading "all the books" to reading two books. Yes, these techniques were already in my bag of tricks, but Karp's book reminded me to dust them off and now I'm using them more frequently.

What I didn't like was Karp's recommendation to excessively praise toddlers as a way of encouraging good behavior. If you follow parenting news, you've probably heard the debate about whether or not we should praise our kids at all, inspired by Alfie Kohn's book and article in the New York Times. I do tend to feel that too much praise is detrimental, but even if I didn't, I think I would balk at Karp's suggestion of saying "good stopping" to a child who had finally stopped pounding the table. Also, as I've written before, I don't agree with time-outs and I don't like the way Karp often framed encounters with our children in terms of a winner and a loser. And some of the tips just aren't practical. I cannot growl at my child, no matter how annoying he is being. In fact in desperation, I did try Karp's "Clap-Growl" to prevent Baby M from dumping a bowl of peas on the floor. My husband looked at me like I was insane, I couldn't keep a straight face and the peas ended up everywhere. But the most annoying thing about the book? Karp's use of baby-talk in his examples. Milky? Crunchies? Mister Towel? Yikes! If I ever start talking like that please whack me in the head.

So, with this book, like most parenting books I read, I'll take what works for us and forget about the rest.

Autry Museum - More fun than you'd think

2009-10-13T17:05:00.001-07:00

It's October and here in Los Angeles we are on "Storm Watch." Which means that it's rainy, the freeways are a mess, newscasters are running about in yellow slickers and stay at home moms are desperately seeking indoor activities. Today we spent the morning at the Autry Museum in Griffith Park and I was pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed it.

Being neither a fan of Westerns nor horses, I was not expecting much, but today (second Tuesday of the month) was free day at the museum so I decided to give it a try. Most of the museums around Los Angeles have one free day per month and depending on the museum, free day can be a mad house-- lines of school field trippers, hordes of stroller pushing moms, but we lucked out and the museum was relatively quiet.

I'm sure many people have the same impression that I did, that the museum is some sort of tribute to Gene Autry, but in fact the Autry Center "explores the experiences and perceptions of the diverse peoples of the American West." It has exhibits on immigrants, Native Americans, the gold rush, etc. but we focused on the toddler friendly areas, meaning we skipped the photographs of Native Americans and spent an inordinate amount of time trying on cowboy hats. Baby M and his friend Baby K sat on a saddle and while watching themselves superimposed on old westerns, ran around a re-creation of an old west street, looked at classic cowboy toys from the 1950's, sat in a stagecoach and played in a 1930's era replica of a Chinese immigrant family's home. We spent a few hours at the museum, had a snack and then headed home. It's not the kind of place where you'd spend all day (unless your kid really, really likes cowboys), but it was a nice way to get out of the rain for a few hours.

Lake Shrine Temple Garden

2009-10-07T13:31:00.000-07:00

Today Baby M and I spent the morning at the Lake Shrine Temple Garden in Pacific Palisades. The 10 acre plot is a spiritual sanctuary with beautiful gardens, waterfalls, a lake, meditation areas, swans, ducks, koi and, somewhat mysteriously, a reproduction of a 16 century Dutch windmill.

I was a little apprehensive about taking Baby M, a boisterous 2 year old, to a place intended for quiet meditation and serenity, but he and his 3 companions behaved very well. Maybe all the inner peace and harmony rubbed off on them. We walked along the shady paths, enjoyed the flowers and fed the swans. Halfway around the lake there is a small shaded landing with a bucket of food for feeding the fish and birds. The kids loved tossing the pellets to the animals while the parents enjoyed the view and some adult conversation. We spent about 2 hours at the site and circled the lake twice (that's at toddler pace, on my own I probably could have done 5 or 6 laps during the same timeframe).

The Lake Shrine was a fun, easy outing. Free parking, free entrance to the garden and free duck food. And, most importantly, Baby M was tired out after running around in the fresh air and took a nice long nap.

Funny Guy

2009-09-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

Kids are funny. I think most parents love to entertain, and admittedly sometimes bore, our friends with funny stories about our kids. Try typing "Funny Kid" into YouTube and you will see what I mean. A lot of these anecdotes are based on the unintentionally amusing things our kids say or do. There is the crazy head-banging, rump shaking dance my friend's daughter does every time "Hollaback Girl" comes on the radio. Or there was the time I told my husband that Baby M was gassy and Baby M piped up with "I went to the gas station."

But now Baby M is intentionally trying to make us laugh and it's so fun to watch his developing sense of humor. At first his favorite joke was to call things by the wrong name. "That's a truck," he'd say pointing to a flower and giggling uncontrollably. Then he moved on to throwing things adding "I funny" just in case I didn't get the joke. "No not funny," I'd say in my very best unamused, stern momma voice, which, of course, he just laughed at. Thankfully, that stage is over, but now we are on to poop. Poop is hilarious. It's hilarious to say, it's hilarious to hear. Poop poop poop. "I say poop" he shouts gleefully.

I'm hoping his sense of humor will continue to develop, moving on to slapstick or knock knock jokes or possibly even witty repartee. Still with males you never know. There seem to be plenty of grown men who have not moved past the 2 year old poop phase. In fact plenty of them have successful careers based on poop and fart jokes (See Mike Judge or Mike Meyers).

Potty Training is the New Breastfeeding

2009-09-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to my local library's toddler story time. It was packed. Baby M and I were sitting on the floor happily singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" when the woman sitting next to us, just inches away, pulled a little red potty chair out of her bag. She proceeded to pull off her daughter's panties, sit her on the potty and exclaim happily when she produced. Then the woman stood up, lifted the alarmingly full bowl of urine over my head and walked to the bathroom to dispose of it.

Now I know that potty training is difficult process and I understand not wanting to take your child to a public bathroom (although I've been in that library bathroom and it's exceptionally clean), but couldn't she have taken her daughter to the corner of the room? Or at least somewhere where she wouldn't have to navigate a room full of dancing toddlers while carrying a bowl full of pee? Yes, it was probably preferable to a puddle of pee on the floor, but I would have voted for moving away from the crowd, even if it involved a bit of fussing from my kid.

I mentioned this incident to a friend and she laughed and said, "I guess potty training is the new breastfeeding." She has a point. Some of us (including myself) nursed our children whenever they were hungry, wherever we were. I nursed in libraries, restaurants, even on the Wild Animal Park Safari Train without apologies. I was discrete, but I certainly didn't run off to the bathroom or cover myself with a tablecloth when it was time to nurse. Maybe with potty training you just have to whip out the potty when your kid needs it, no matter where you are. Of course what do I know? I've been sitting Baby M on the potty for 2 months now before his bath and when he asks to go (well the one time he asked to go), and we haven't seen a drop in that potty yet.

Sesame Street Coupons

2009-09-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

Baby M loves Sesame Street. If we are at home a request to watch Sesame Street will come up, oh every 5 minutes or so. Sometimes it's cheerful, "I watch Sesame Street now? [big grin]" Sometimes it's polite, "Sesame Street...please." But inevitably it becomes whiny and devolves into a full on, head banging, legs flailing, Sesame Street deprivation tantrum. And if we attempt to leave the house, even to go to the park, he immediately begins screaming "Take me back home". What does he want to do at home? Watch Sesame Street. It's not like he doesn't get a good daily dose of Elmo. He gets to watch 30 minutes of Sesame Street after breakfast and 30 minutes again when he wakes up from his nap. Which is plenty, especially considering that the daily recommended amount of television for a not quite 2 year old is zero minutes.

As a solution to the constant tantrums my husband suggested that I make coupons for Baby M to redeem for TV time. When the coupons are gone, the TV stays off. It sounded good. I made up some coupons by cutting out pictures of Big Bird and Elmo and pasting them on index cards. Baby M was very excited about his coupons and by Noon he had cashed them both in. That afternoon, after his nap, he wanted to watch Sesame Street. I explained to him that he had no more coupons left. He grabbed my hand, walked me over to the shelf I had placed his redeemed coupons on says "They're right there, Mommy." Then he proceeded to have a tantrum to get the coupons followed by a tantrum because his eyes were wet from the first tantrum. I think perhaps the terrible twos have arrived a month early.

No Running!

2009-09-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we went to a wedding. Baby M was invited and attended in a nice white shirt and some very nice $60 black shoes (where oh where did he get these extra wide feet that only fit in Stride Rite shoes?). After the ceremony and before the reception really got started we were in the ballroom and Baby M was running around like a maniac on the empty dance floor. Add a welding mask and some leg warmers and he'd have been ready for his Flashdance audition. Two little girls came into the room and immediately joined Baby M in all his hyperactive glory. It was cute. The three of them, dressed liked little aristocrats running around like little hooligans. Then the girls mother walks in and says "Girls, no running."

This immediately made me wonder, should Baby M not be running? Am I being a bad parent? We all know it doesn't take much to make me question my parenting. I went through my checklist:

Is Baby M endangering himself? No.
Is Baby M endangering someone else? Nope.
Is Baby M unduly disrupting other people? I looked around the half-empty room. The bride and groom would be taking pictures for at least another 20 minutes and in this pre-intoxicated state no one was getting near the dance floor. In fact, I would argue that the toddlers were pretty good entertainment for the bored couples sitting around the edge of the room.

So I said nothing and I let Baby M keep running. I did feel bad for the two little girls who stood despondently by their mother as Baby M ran in circles until he collapsed, happily announcing "I fell down". I'm sure his squeals of delight sounded like taunting to them-- "Neh neh neh neh I get to run." I wondered if I should hold Baby M back for their benefit.

What do you do when your standards of behavior are different from another parent's? Should the stricter parent's standards automatically be adopted? Obviously when you are in someone's home you follow their rules, but what about at a park? or at a wedding? I'm sure the parents with more draconian standards think they have the higher ground, but I'm not so sure. Isn't joyful exuberance one of things we remember fondly from childhood? Is a little noise so bad? Perhaps I am that mom. The one that all the other moms talk about behind her back, the one that they secretly want to give a copy of Dare to Discipline. Or maybe I'm the mom whose kid isn't afraid to express himself, who lives joyfully, who doesn't worry about what others think and who sucks all the marrow out of life. I'd be pretty happy If I'm that mom. But I can't say with any confidence that I'm either of those moms. More likely, I'm just a mom, taking it day by day, trying to do the best I can.

The Food Thing

2009-08-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

I openly admit that I am not the healthiest of eaters, but I am hardly the unhealthiest. I buy mostly organic, try to avoid processed foods, rarely have cookies or candy around and am attempting to cook using more whole foods. But, yes, I am still a fan of the Trader Joe's frozen aisle, canned tomatoes and Goldfish Crackers, which brings us to today's topic: friends and food.

The other day I was in the park having lunch with some friends and their children. Baby M was happily munching on his turkey sandwich, melon balls and Goldfish Crackers when I heard my friend say sharply to her daughter, "Where did you get that?" I turned and saw a look of horror on her face and a small orange crakcer, courtesy of Baby M, in her daughter's hand. Thinking the look was of the "oh-my-god-you're-eating-something-off-the-ground" variety I said, "Oh, that's one of Baby M's, she's welcome to have some crackers." Then she looked at me and I realized the look was more of the "what-kind-of-parent-would-serve-this-junk-to-their-child" sort. She gingerly took the cracker away from her child and, using 2 fingers as if the cracker was possibly toxic, handed it back to me saying "No, that's okay."

Now I understand that parents have the right, and responsibility to teach their children about nutrition. And I absolutely sympathize with the parents of children with food allergies and how vigilant they must be about what their child eats. But isn't it just a little rude to imply that I am poisoning my child with a few refined grains? I felt so belittled that I went home and found this article by a dietitian defending Goldfish Crackers. (not that I sent it to her) When we are out and other people are graciously sharing their food I always say thank you and let Baby M have some. One oreo, one potato chip, even one of those weird fruit-like rollup thingys is not going to sicken him. In fact, hopefully, it will help him become an adventurous eater who knows the value of moderation. After all, who wants to live in a world without chocolate, ice cream and Goldfish Crackers?

Hide & Seek

2009-08-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

Baby M's new favorite game is Hide & Seek. I am still not sure where he learned it. My best guess is that he picked it up from Sesame Street, you know the one where Rosita gets angry with Zoe for not not playing Hide & Seek correctly and then Cuba Gooding Jr. gets angry with the word angry for wandering off.

Anyway, one afternoon Baby M said to me "Mommy. Hide & seek." I gamely said, "Ok, go count in the kitchen," which to my amazement he did. He counted all the way to 10, pretty impressive for a not quite 2 year old, if I do say so myself. I quickly ran and hid behind the door of his bedroom. Baby M started wandering through the house singing "Maa-meee, Maa-meee." When he finally found me he gave me the biggest grin ever and gleefully shouted "Hide again, Mommy!"

We played a few times. Actually, more than a few times. I would be tempted to say one too many times. Each time he would begin by looking in my previous hiding places. He would check behind the door or in the bathtub and announce, "No Mommy here" and "Not in bathtub" as if going through a little checklist. I love this new game playing phase of Baby M's and am looking forward to afternoons filled with hours of Hide & Seek, Tag and Red Light Green Light. Hours and hours and hours. Hmmm. Well, I am mostly looking forward to it.

Discipline

2009-08-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

An acquaintance of mine started putting her daughter in time-outs at 9 months old. I never said anything, but I wondered (a) what could a 9 month old possibly do to earn a time out and (b) did this woman really think she was teaching her child anything useful by parking her in a pack n play for 2 minutes? I know many people swear by time-outs, but I've always felt vaguely uneasy with the concept. Taking a time-out from playing with peers is one thing, but isolating a young child from a parent especially when she is agitated and may not fully understand what she's done to upset that parent just seems cruel. So when a friend mentioned that Alfie Kohn's book, Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, had some good alternatives to time-outs I decided to check it out of the library.

I really enjoyed the book. The first half catalogs how and why many popular discipline methods fail-- corporeal punishment, time-outs, reward charts and praise. Basically Kohn says that although such techniques may produce obedience in children, they do not help children to become kind, moral, confident or good problem solvers. Additionally such actions may end up eroding our relationships with our children. As he points out, "When you don't explain [why hitting is wrong] the default reason not to hit is that you'll be punished." And even if you do explain to your child why hitting is wrong in addition to punishing him, he is more likely to focus on the consequence to himself as opposed to how he may have hurt someone else. Praise and rewards for good behavior are essentially the other side of the same coin. Behaving well becomes all about self-interest instead of being a good citizen for the sake of others. The book is extensively footnoted and Kohn backs up most of his statements with research studies. Initially I thought his characterization of time-outs as "love withdrawal" was a bit extreme, but by the end of this section of the book he had convinced me that we should try to avoid these popular techniques, or at the very least not use them as our default form of discipline.

The second half of the book discusses what to do instead of time-outs, reward charts, etc. Kohn says we should listen to our children's explanations, give them reasons, give them choices, make compliance a game and, when necessary, exert parental authority with as much kindness and patience as possible. Here I would have really liked some more concrete examples. He did provide a few examples of how to deal with apologies, inappropriate TV shows and a really lovely anecdote about dealing with a child who was potentially going to clobber someone with a rock, but I still feel like more concrete examples would have been helpful. Of course the very nature of this type of discipline is that it is specific to the child and parent involved, so what may be effective and appropriate for one family may not work for another. For me, one of the most useful messages of the book is that we should remember our goals as parents center around teaching our children to be compassionate, thoughtful, confident people. I don't want my child to be the type of person who unquestioningly obeys the most powerful person around, whether that person is me as a parent, the queen bee in high school or an unethical boss at work.

But getting back to practical matters, I'm lucky that Baby M is a pretty good kid and I really don't have too many discipline problems. Other than some bedtime issues and food throwing we are in good shape. Luckily, I have a pretty high tolerance for mess and dog that eats everything. Seriously, how does anyone raise a toddler without a dog around to lick up the mess?

Huntingtion Library & Gardens

2009-08-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my parents were in town visiting and we took a trip to the Huntington Library & Botanic Gardens in San Marino. My parents are fond of both plants and books, so I figured they would enjoy the Huntington. I was right.

We started off in the Library Main Exhibition Hall. Although I had spent many hours sitting and journaling in the gardens (I had a bit of an existential crisis back in 1999 when I lived in South Pasadena), I had never been in the actual library. It was really interesting. They have everything from a copy of the Gutenberg Bible to Christopher Isherwood's original manuscripts. We spent close to 2 hours wandering through the rooms, which to be honest, was a little longer than Baby M and I would have liked. My mother is one of those people who reads every plaque at the museum, which ensures we always learn something interesting, but means getting through one gallery can take forever.

After the library we wandered through the sculpture garden, rose garden, Japanese and Chinese gardens. All beautiful. Baby M refused the stroller for most of the visit, so we wandered Family Circus style and at a very leisurely pace. We walked through the conservatory, which houses tropical plants and the Plant Lab. The Plant Lab has interactive experiments focusing on different parts of plants. It was a little too advanced for Baby M, but I think it would be great fun for school age kids. Our final stop and the highlight of the trip was the Children's Garden.

The Children's Garden has pint sized arbors for the kids to run through, a bunch of fountains and misters that the kids can play in, a magnetic sand sculpture, a rainbow room and pebble chimes. The whole family really enjoyed playing in the garden and especially appreciated the misters on a hot Saturday afternoon.

At $20 a person (free entry for Baby M) , this was one of our more expensive adventures. The Huntington does have a Free Day the first Thursday of every month, but you need to call in advance to get tickets. Be sure to call as soon as the box office opens, because they sell out very quickly. The tickets for August sold out in 5 minutes.

Diaper Bags

2009-08-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

I am in search of the perfect diaper bag but feel like I might as well be searching for the Holy Grail. I'm looking for a bag that isn't too big or too small, can be carried over the shoulder and convert to a backpack, is fashionable enough to pass a purse, fits over my stroller handles, isn't a "bottomless pit", is easy to clean and doesn't show dirt. Oh, and I don't want it to look like I raided a geisha's closet. Nothing against Chinese silk, but it's just not my style. So is that too much to ask? After searching diaperbags.com, amazon, etsy, and my local stores, the answer seems to be "yes".

For the past 2 years I've been carrying a Baby Kaed Sanya Diaper Bag in black that I got as a shower gift. It has served me well, but after 2 years of daily use it is threadbare and ready to be retired. Now that I've been searching for a new bag I am really starting to appreciate it's design. The main compartment is wide, but not too deep so it's easy to keep track of all your stuff. I kept 3 or 4 diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, a receiving blanket, sippy cup, snacks, first aid kit, hat, sunscreen, bib and some small toys in there and never had trouble finding any of it. There are several other pockets on the outside of the bag that I used to keep wallet, keys, phone and my personal items. I got compliments on the bag all the time and several people mentioned that it didn't look like a diaper bag. On the downside, it doesn't hang well on my stroller, it can be hard to keep on my shoulder when running after Baby M (and he runs fast now!) and the cell phone pocket is too small for my new iPhone.

A few weeks ago I found a SKIP HOP Dash Diaper Bag online for $30 and decided to give it a try. It's okay, but not great. The main problem I have with it is that the zippered pocket, intended for wallet, keys, etc. It is at the top of the inner pocket and as soon as I put my wallet in it it flops over and makes getting into the main compartment very difficult. It also doesn't hold nearly as much as my old bag and since the main pocket is narrow and deep items get lost easily. On the plus side, I like the option of wearing it messenger style and have even converted it to a backpack on occasion, albeit somewhat uncomfortably. The stroller hooks are great and it is something my husband can carry without feeling embarrassed.

So my quest for the perfect bag continues. Perhaps it doesn't exist and I'll just have to get a few bags to meet my needs. But if anyone out there has a bag they really like, let me know.

HappyHappy

2009-08-05T17:14:00.000-07:00

On Monday Baby M and I, along with some friends, went to LACMA to check out "HappyHappy." It's part of the "Your Bright Future" exhibition which includes works by 12 contemporary artists from South Korea.

Baby M and I arrived at Hancock Park, home to LACMA, the Page Museum and the La Brea Tar pits, around 10am and were pleasantly surprised to find free parking on 6th Street. LACMA doesn't open until noon, but we were able to explore part of the "HappyHappy" project, a chain length fence with brightly colored plastic objects fastened to it. (Trust me, it looks better than it sounds.) We contributed to the piece by tying on one of Baby M's purple sand shovels. Baby M loved that he was able to touch all of the various bowls, cups and bottles, but was very upset to discover that the toy truck was firmly attached and could not be removed no matter how hard he tugged.

The other part of "HappyHappy", long strings of colorful plastic containers that hang from the ceiling near the museum's BP Grand Entrance, did not open until 11:30am when the museum box office opens. Being able to see but not run through the giant curtain was torture for the kids, but at least we were able to play hide and seek in "Urban Light", a grid made up of hundreds of classic lamp posts, while we waited.

"HappyHappy" part 2 was definitely worth the wait. Baby M and his friends loved running through the suspended bowls, cups and funnels. The guards asked us to make sure the kids did not tug on the strings, but other than that they allowed us to exhuberantly enjoy the exhibit. After running around the patio for a bit we used Baby M's NexGen pass to get into the Broad Contemporary Art Museum for free and took a look at the 10 foot tall "Balloon Dog (Blue)" (exactly what it sounds like) , a giant dollhouse and plenty of other fascinating pieces. Another fun day at LACMA.

Imagination

2009-08-05T17:08:00.000-07:00

Baby M is lying face down on the kitchen floor.

Me: What are you doing?

Baby M mumbles something about trains.

Me: Oh, you're a train? What does a train say? Choo choo?

Baby M (sitting up): No Mommy, train tracks

and he lies back down on the floor. At least he is easy to keep track of this way (ha ha).

Bedtime Update

2009-08-03T21:43:00.001-07:00

Last time you heard from me I was stealthily rolling across the floor and not so stealthily crashing into the furniture. Baby M has now been in his toddler bed a little over a week and I'm glad to report that things are looking up.

The first few nights were terrible. He'd get out of bed and pound on the door crying "Mommy, Mommy." Our brief foray into sleep training when Baby M was an infant was bad enough, now that he can ask for me by name it is unbearable. We consulted our sleep books and asked friends and family for suggestions. The overwhelming majority recommended that I go into his room periodically, put him back in the bed and then leave again. Do not give in to his demands that "Mommy lie down." In fact, many suggested that I not interact with him at all. Others allowed for a curt "It's time to sleep," and a few were generous enough to tack on a "Mommy loves you." But no way, under any circumstances, was I to remain in the room with him. That would teach him that he needed a crutch to sleep, or that he could manipulate me or some other equally negative lesson.

But here's the thing, we followed the Ferber/Graduated Extinction/Whatever-you-call-it method of checking and leaving and we ended up listening to Baby M cry for nearly 3 hours. All of us felt lousy by the end of the night. But what we discovered was that if I agreed to go sit on the couch, Baby M would patter happily over to his bed and lay down. He no longer demanded that I read him stories while he laid there. He didn't throw his blankets on the floor and cry for me to bring them back and he didn't need me to hold his hand. He just rolled over and was asleep in 20 minutes. So our new routine is to read him a story, put him to bed and then sit on the couch for the 20 minutes it takes for him to fall asleep.

And, really, what is so bad about that? So I spend 20 or 30 minutes sitting in a darkened room, reading, meditating, or just zoning out. How exactly is this detrimental to Baby M? Maybe he is trying to see if he can control me, or maybe he is afraid of the dark or maybe he just needs some extra affection right now.

Sometimes it is good just to sit. One of the overlooked benefits of children is that they force us to slow down and appreciate the moment. To stop and notice the leaf that looks like a butterfly, the jolt of surprise when a bubble pops on your cheek and the wonder of sitting quietly and watching your child sleep.

Battle of the Bed

2009-07-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant my mother-in-law loved to tell me that, when my husband was small, she would hold his hand every night until he fell asleep, crawl out of his room and then crawl back in in the early morning. I would smile at her wanly and think smugly to myself that will never be me. Little did I know... Last week I literally rolled across my son's squeaky hardwood floor in attempt to get out of his room without waking him up. I was doing well until I banged my head on the changing table, toppling over lotions, waking Baby M and adding another 20 minutes on to our bedtime "routine."

Baby M has never been a good napper, but until a few weeks ago he has always gone down at night pretty well. For the past 6 months it's been bath, book, bed-- and my husband and I were free for the next 11 hours. Now, for some unknown reason, Baby M panics as soon as we start to leave the room. "Mommy lie down," he cries pointing at the small couch we keep in his room. If we go he becomes hysterical and ever since the crib diving incident, we refuse to leave him alone when he gets like that. So for the past few weeks my husband or I have been sitting in his room with him until he falls asleep and then sneaking out, sometimes more successfully than others. Somehow, the kid who can sleep through an American Idol concert at the Staples Center, wakes at the sound of one squeaky floorboard.

In an attempt to get out of this new bedtime routine, which can take up to 2 hours, we decided to get Baby M a toddler bed. I know this may seem counter intuitive, but our thinking was that (a) maybe he will be so excited to have a new bed he'll stay in it and go to sleep and (b) if he does jump out, at least we don't have to worry about him cracking his head open. We set up the bed, talked about how great it was to have a big boy bed and hoped for the best. Sad to say, the best did not happen. Somehow, my husband ended up sitting in the dark for 2 hours while Baby M brought every toy in his room into bed with him. And where was I at 2AM? Lying on the floor, next to the bed, holding Baby M's hand. It must be in the genes.

UCLA Language Lab

2009-07-27T13:25:00.001-07:00

You may recall that Baby M and I participated in several UCLA Baby Lab studies. Now that Baby M is getting older we haven't gotten many calls from the Baby Lab lately, but last week we did get a call from the UCLA Language Lab asking if Baby M would like to participate in a study about language acquisition. I said, "Sure."

So this morning we drove over to UCLA where a nice undergraduate student met us at the parking structure and escorted us to the Language Lab. It was very similar to the Baby Lab; there were some toys for Baby M to play with, friendly research assistants and the same eye tracking software. Additionally, there was the "castle", a small room with sound and video monitoring equipment decorated to look like a tower in a fairy tale. We entered the castle along with the researcher where there was a computer screen set up. Baby M was shown some cartoon images along with corresponding sound and then asked to repeat what he heard. We viewed a picture of a man swimming and heard a voice say "He swims fast." Later the picture came up again with the phrase "There he swims." Initially Baby M was too shy to say anything, but eventually the researcher did get a few words out of him. As a thank you for participating Baby M got to choose a gift out of the "treasure chest." He picked a small white ball with the Language Lab logo printed on it.

The goal of the study is to understand how young children learn and respond to grammatical sentences. The researcher said Baby M's performance was pretty typical. About 50% of the children in his age range don't say anything at all and those that do are more likely to repeat the verb if it comes at the end of the sentence as opposed to the middle. Language acquisition is such an interesting process, and one that, as the mother of a relatively late-talker, I am particularly interested in. I'd happily participate in additional Language Lab studies.

Trains! Trains! Trains!

2009-07-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

So Baby M has developed something of a train fetish. Even as an infant he enjoyed reading (and chewing) his copy of The Little Engine That Could and then for Christmas last year he got the Fisher-Price Amazing Animals Sing and Go Choo-Choo, a 2 foot long, singing, motorized train. I admittedly fueled his obsession by seeking out train related books at the library like And the Train Goes... and Chugga Chugga Choo Choo. I have been careful to avoid the Thomas the Tank Engine franchise. I don't have anything against talking trains, but I don't like the idea of getting sucked in to purchasing $20 train cars every time we go to the toy store.

Baby M took his first train ride a few weeks ago when we visited my brother in Portland. We rode the train at the Flower Farmer farm just outside the city. He was so excited. The minute we sat down he started shouting "Choo Choo!". The train runs around the farm and stops at a small petting zoo where Baby M got out, fed the chickens and was nearly knocked over by the goats. When we re-boarded the train he got to ride in the "boose" (caboose) with his Daddy.

This past weekend we decided to take Baby M to Travel Town in Griffith Park. This would have been a fabulous idea if it wasn't the hottest weekend of the summer. Oh. My. God. I totally forgot how much warmer it is on the eastside of town. We arrived when Travel Town opened at 10am. The exhibits and museum are free and train rides are $2.50 each. Baby M loved the fact that he got his own ticket to give to the conductor when we boarded. We rode the train, climbed on the full size train cars, watched the model trains run and toured gift shop (the only air conditioned building and it was getting pretty crowded in there). We had planned to stop by the Live Steamers Railroad Museum which is adjacent to Travel Town and only open on Sundays for more train rides, but by the time we were done with Travel Town I honestly thought I would faint or melt if I had to spend anymore time in the sun. I hear really good things about Steamers, so we'll try to go again when the weather is a little cooler, assuming Baby M hasn't moved on to another form of transportation. He has been enamored of airplanes ever since we flew home from Portland. Lucky for me LAX and the Santa Monica airport are on the Westside where we can watch the planes land and feel the cool ocean breeze on our faces.

Summer Sounds at the Hollywood Bowl

2009-07-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

Summertime in Los Angeles wouldn't be complete without an evening at the Hollywood Bowl. Sitting out under the stars in the warm night air, with great music, good wine and good friends is the perfect way to spend a summer night. It turns out, the Bowl is also a great place to spend a summer morning.

Today Baby M and I attended one of the SummerSounds concerts for kids at the Bowl and had a wonderful time. Every summer the Bowl puts on a music festival and fine arts workshop specifically geared for kids ages 3 to 9. This year the series is organized around "Ethnic Los Angleles" and highlights the music and art from 3 different neighborhoods-- Brazil on the Westside, Mexico in East Los Angeles, and Little India in Artesia. Tickets are only $7 for the music perfomance and $5 for the art workshop. Parking is free. The concerts are held on the shaded patio next to the Hollywood Bowl museum.

Today's program was "Brazil on the Westside." It followed the adventures of Hip Hop Loving Shammy Dee as he ventured out of his neighborhood and learned about Brazilian music, dance and Carnaval from his new friends. There was lots of dancing, drumming and singing. The performers really tried to engage the kids: asking them to shout out "Peace", teaching them to pop and lock and a little bit of the Samba. My favorite part of the performance was when the drum line came parading through the crowd, mallets thumping and whistles blowing. For a moment I felt like I was at an Ozomatli concert.

Baby M is not quite 2, but he still really enjoyed the music performance. He's not one of those kids who claps and dances, but he watched everything with this focused intensity. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually did learn to Samba! We skipped the art project, which has a minimum age of 3. We are looking forward to attending another SummerSounds concert soon.

Trash Truck Day

2009-06-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we attended the West LA Bureau of Sanitation Open House. My husband didn't understand why I wanted to go this event, but once we got there both he and Baby M had a blast. There were several trash trucks and street sweepers on display and kids could work the controls (with assistance from the employees), sit in the trucks, honk the horns and even go for a ride in one of the smaller trucks. Baby M liked working the controls at the back of the truck, but he got a little scared when he was sitting in the truck and the arm started lifting. It was noisy and the truck shook. I think next year when he is a little older he will LOVE it.

The truck yard on Stoner Ave was crawling with toddlers-- chasing the sassy blue recylcing bin robot, eating free hot dogs, dancing to the oldies and just having a great time. Baby M especially loved the miniature blue trash bin he won playing bean bag toss. He even slept with it. (Along with a stuffed Elmo, stuffed Santa, a fire truck, a dump truck and 2 blankets. The crib is getting a little crowded.) This was a great event and it is so nice of the city to sponsor it and for the employees to volunteer their time. We are already looking forward to next year; every morning Baby M looks at me and says "Trash Truck Day?" He can't wait.

Happy or Good?

2009-06-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Richard Weissbourd's book The Parents We Mean To Be: How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development. Despite the rather didactic title, I found the book thoughtfully written and full of valuable insights.

To be quite honest, I think I'm doing a pretty good job of raising a moral child. Yes he is not quite two yet so I haven't had many challenges with regard to morals, but once becoming a parent I did become very aware that Baby M is watching me to learn how to treat other people. And I think becoming a parent made me into a better person. Overnight I became the guardian to the elderly. I help them locate lost cars in the Target parking lot. I assist them down steep inclines after painstakingly following a sidewalk leading to nowhere (I'm looking at you Marina Del Rey Barnes & Noble!) At any rate, I was not expecting to see myself in any of the well-intentioned, but achievement crazed, sports obsessed, Dimpies (Doting Indulgent Modern Parents) described in the book. So I was surprised when I started questioning my parenting philosophy only two chapters in.

Weissbourd describes a study in which children were asked to rank the importance of being happy, being "a good person who cares about others", achieving at a high level and having a high-status career. Two-thirds of the children ranked happiness above being good and the same number predicted that their parents would also value their happiness over goodness. This is not terribly surprising, after all, as parents don't we always say, "I just want him to be happy"? It never occurs to me to say "I just want him to be good." To see if I was alone in this view I asked my husband, "Would you rather Baby M be sad and good or happy and evil?" After a moment my husband answered "happy and evil." Shocked, I probed a little further and determined that we had different definitions of "evil." I was picturing Hitler and he was picturing... well something less than Hitler. Of course, we both agreed that we want Baby M to be happy and good and that the question I had posed was unfair. Still it bothered me that this question of happiness and goodness was so difficult to answer for us.

In general I have a "say yes" parenting philosophy. I figure that there are so many things that Baby M will want that I must say no to-- playing with that electrical outlet, eating the delicious looking rat poison, riding in the front seat of the car-- that when he wants something that I can say yes to, even if it is inconvenient, I should try to make it happen. I stay an extra 5 minutes at the park. I let him pull all the CD's off the shelf. And even after reading this book I don't think that we should deny our children simply so that they can experience disappointment nor do I think this is what Weissbourd is implying. However I have to wonder what message I am sending if Baby M sees me repeatedly making sacrifices for his fleeting happiness. Is this showing him that I value his thoughts and feelings or is it showing him that I value his feelings to the detriment of my own? Am I inadvertently sending him the message that he should pursue his own happiness at that expense of others?

This book raised many interesting questions that I could go on about, but my number one reader has no patience for long blog posts. In fact, I think he'd prefer these updates in 140 character bursts. So instead I will just suggest you read the book and let me know what you think.

Feeling Lazy

2009-06-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

So yesterday while aimlessly surfing the web and wondering why I wasn't doing something more productive I came across this interview with Mayim Bialik. You probably remember her as Blossom from the early 90's TV of the same name or maybe you saw her as the young Bette Midler in Beaches. Anyway, Blossom has ditched her pal Six and the floppy hats and is now a baby-wearing, home-birthing, granola-making mother of two. Just reading about her life tires me out.

Not only does she cook vegan and kosher meals for her family. She nurses her children until they self wean (the older one weaned around age 2), makes her own shampoo and practices elimination communication. If you're not familiar, EC is a technique where you watch your infant for signs that he needs to go the bathroom. Then you hold him over the toilet. She has been holding her son over the toilet 10 times a day since he was 2 days old! Oh and she also auditions and does some grant review work in her spare time.

Mothers like Mayim Bialik are amazing, and I admire them, but I'm starting to feel a bit like Peg Bundy. When Baby M was an infant, opening a can of soup was about all I could manage and even now we eat a little too frequently from Trader Joe's freezer aisle. I took a stab at potty training, but am too impatient, or selfish or lazy to sit next to him on the potty 3 times a day. Other moms in the neighborhood seem to have vaccination schedules memorized, their kids in multiple toddler programs and are already calculating their LAUSD "points" for getting into the kindergarten of their choice.

Not only do I find the logistics of managing all these tasks unwieldy, I also find them kind of unnecessary. My doctor knows the vaccination schedule and I trust her judgement. Baby M is happy going to the park and the occasional Moo Moo Musica class, does he really need a structured program at 20 months old? Why should I spend hours figuring out the labyrinthine LA Unified system when my local school is perfectly fine and within walking distance? Besides, if I was cooking and researching and sitting next to the potty all day how would I ever find time to keep up to date on the cast of Blossom?

Headless

2009-06-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

Baby M woke up bawling today around 5:30 am. I went in to check on him and found him standing with his pajama top up over his head, gesturing wildly and pointing to where his head should have been. It was so cute that I didn't even mind waking up an hour early.

Crib Diver

2009-06-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

Well the thing I've been fearing finally happened. Baby M jumped out of his crib. Maybe he climbed out. Maybe he fell. Whatever he did, it make a tremendous THUD when he landed on our hardwood floors and scared me half to death. Baby M was a bit rattled, but other than that he escaped unscathed.

I completely blame myself for this tumble. As you may recall, Baby M has been taking his nap in the car or stroller ever since I weaned him 4 months ago. The nap situation has been more or less working for us, but I think he'll be more comfortable in his crib and it is a bit inconvenient to have to drive or walk around for 20 minutes or more at naptime. So this last week I made a concerted effort to get him napping in his crib. Each day I took him for a walk or drive just before naptime in order to get him sleepy and then brought him inside, read a story and put him in the crib for his nap. He cried, but remained laying down and would generally fall asleep within 10 minutes.

On Saturday I continued with the process, but a few things mucked it up. First off Baby M was playing in the backyard with his dad and was not too keen on going on a walk. Secondly, the walk, when it finally happened, just wasn't as sleep inducing as it normally is. Lastly, Baby M cried for more than 10 minutes. Remembering our old sleep training books (but forgetting our old sleep training experiences) my husband and I decided to go in and comfort Baby M by telling him we were still here, that he needed to lay down and we'd play with him after his nap. When we left he was screaming and looked like an angry tomato. A few seconds later we heard the THUD. I should have known that going in the room would only increase his desire to get out of the crib and that after so much screaming the nap was just not going to happen. I knew there was a reason I never felt right about sleep training.

So now we are back to napping in the car, picking up a crib tent and shopping for toddler beds on Craigslist. Oddly enough, by car-hating husband seems intent on getting Baby M a race car bed. Must be some unfulfilled wish from his childhood fueld by too many episodes of Silver Spoons.

None of the Above

2009-05-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

Baby M is nearly 20 months old and has definite ideas about nearly everything-- how and when to eat, what book to read, which form of transportation to use, what to wear, etc. Every book I've read about toddlers suggests that the key to a happy child is offering him a choice. "Do you want to wear the red bib or the blue bib?" "Shall we take the stroller or walk?" The idea is that by allowing him a choice you give the toddler some control over the situation. He feels empowered and doesn't throw a tantrum. This all sounds good in theory and I've actually seen other moms employ the technique successfully on the playground. Tantrums have been avoided simply by saying, "Oh look, you can play with the green shovel or the fire truck, which do you want?"

Baby M, however, is too smart to fall for this ploy. When I ask him if he would like peas or broccoli he twists around in the high chair and points to the refrigerator shouting "Toast! Toast!" If I say "Let's pick a bib to wear," he wails "Noooo!" He has already learned that just because something isn't displayed doesn't mean it's not available.

It's nice to know that he is going to be an independent thinker and not feel compelled to accept what he is offered. On the other hand, I am really worried about how terrible those terrible twos are going to be. So far Baby M's tantrums have been manageable. We have a few outbursts each day, but the number of kicking and screaming, out-of-control eruptions has been minimal and I'm hoping to keep it that way. Since the whole "choice" strategy isn't working, I'd love to hear other suggestions for avoiding toddler tantrums.

Baby Scientist

2009-05-11T21:53:00.000-07:00

Today Baby M was sitting on the floor with some crayons, a pencil and a ball point pen. He was doing a pretty good job of confining his scribbles to the giant pad of paper from Michael's until a particularly energetic scrawl with the pen went careening off the paper and onto Baby M's shin. Baby M stopped and stared at the blue ink on his leg. He rubbed it. He furrowed his brow. Then he picked up the blue crayon and tried to write on his leg. Apparently his hypothesis was that anything blue could write on skin. When the crayon didn't leave a mark on his right leg, he tried writing on his left. Then he picked up the pencil and tried the experiment again. I love watching Baby M learn about his environment. It's really amazing to see the way he figures things out. I mean, really, how do you know that the skin on your right leg is going to act exactly the same as the skin on your left? Then he grabbed the pen again and I could see where his investigation was headed, so I quickly traded him a silver crayon for the pen and averted a potential disaster. I do love watching Baby M learn about the world, but I'm not quite ready for him to be on an episode of LA Ink.

Baby on a Plane

2009-05-04T11:14:00.000-07:00

Last week we took a trip to Ann Arbor, Michigan to visit some dear friends and meet their 15 month old, Baby Z. We had a wonderful time; went to the Hands On Museum, hung out at Allmendinger Park, explored the Natural History Museum. We even got to have a night out at the Ark watching Chelsea Williams. When it was time to leave Baby M gave Baby Z a hug and a kiss, stole his cup of Cheerios and we were on our way.

This trip wasn't Baby M's first time on a plane. Nine months ago we took a short flight up the coast to attend my brother's wedding in Northern California. But this was his first long flight and the first flight where I didn't have the option of sticking a boob in his face to calm him down. The flight to Michigan was long, oversold and we ended up sitting for a hour on the tarmac while the crew fixed a mechanical problem. Baby M did well, although the woman in the seat in front of us did not appreciate his fascination with the fold out tray. The flight home was also oversold and Baby M was grouchy from the get go. He was flying as a "lap child" but didn't want to sit with me or my husband. He wanted to crawl around on the floor under the seats, which, as a flight attendant helpfully announced over the intercom, is unsafe. To keep him quiet we plied him with snacks-- everything from my husband's Taco Bell nachos to Annie's Bunny Grahams. About two hours into the 4 and a half hour flight Baby M barfed all over my husband. Thankfully, he missed splashing our row mate and the passengers in the row behind us, but it was still pretty unpleasant for anyone within 15 feet of us.

I must commend my husband's courage as he remained calm and still as Baby M hurled repeatedly onto his chest and shoulder. My husband does not like to be dirty and I was honestly surprised that he did not throw Baby M into my lap at the first sign of spittle. Once the gagging subsided, he took Baby M into the bathroom to get him washed up while I did my best to clean the seat with a receiving blanket and the paper towels and cup of water (with ice!?!) that the flight attendant brought me. Once the seat was as good as it was going to get, I joined the boys in the teeny-tiny airplane lavatory to assess the damage. Baby M, glad to be someplace other than row 15, was in surprisingly good spirits. We got him changed and washed up. My husband's shirt was a lost cause. We shoved it down the lavatory trash chute and I brought him another shirt from his bag. Luckily all of our luggage was carry on (we are efficient packers and too cheap to pay the checked baggage fee). I always carry a spare outfit for Baby M in my diaper bag, but we never would have thought to bring a spare outfit for Daddy. Even with this somewhat sour ending, our trip to Ann Arbor was great and we learned a few tips for our next airplane ride with Baby M (mainly Taco Bell and babies don't mix).

Trash Man

2009-04-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

Baby M is obsessed with trash. He said the word "trash" before he said "Mama". He eagerly awaits trash day and with 3 separate trucks coming down our street (garbage, recycling and green waste) our Mondays are very busy with lots of pointing and shouting "truck." He also likes pointing out trash on the ground. Getting across the park can take all day as he gestures at every plastic bottle cap, cigarette but and stray candy wrapper. But what he really loves, at times seems to lives for, is throwing away trash. When we're at home he'll take his used tissue, walk confidently over to the cabinet under the sink, toss it in the trash and then smile at me proudly. When we're out he'll stand in front of the trash can with his arms raised waiting to be lifted up so he can throw away his granola bar wrapper. At Starbucks he loves dropping empty cups into the little round hole in the counter. But apparently the world is not producing enough trash for Baby M so he had decided to take things into his own hands.

Today he pulled all his swim diapers out of the nearly full package and ran into the kitchen with the wrapper shouting "trash! trash!" Yesterday he found a box of gelatin packets in the cupboard, dumped them out and tried to throw the empty box away. I showed Baby M the cute Easter card his uncle sent and it immediately went into the trash, along with some unpaid bills that I had carelessly placed on the coffee table.

Perhaps this janitorial calling is genetic. Baby M's 3 year old, bilingual cousin is also enamored of litter. In a somewhat disturbing Christmas tradition, we open our presents and then wave the wrapping paper in the air shouting "basura, basura" and wait for Baby J to come and collect it in his big black garbage bag. Come to think of it, this last Christmas Baby M helped his cousin carry that bag around so I suppose I should have seen this latest development coming.

The Eyezz Have It

2009-03-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

So Baby M finally has a few words under his belt. His first word was (drumroll) ..... "eyes." He'll point to my eyes or his own and whisper "eyezz" and then give me a big grin. We read some Sesame Street books and he is totally obsessed with the Count's monocle. He keeps pointing at it repeating "eyezz, eyezz, eyezz."

He has also mastered "hot." Initially he would point to the heater, my coffee mug or the toaster oven and declare "HOT." But now it has become his go to (and admittedly only) adjective. Jell-O is hot, his rubber duckie is hot, a shovel is hot, it's like living with my own miniature Paris Hilton.

Still no Mama and Daddy is kind of hit or miss, but he's definitely making some progress on the language front. Hooray! Grunting and emphatic pointing is all well and good, but I am really looking forward to Baby M speaking.

Getaway

2009-03-24T21:19:00.001-07:00

Now that Baby M is weaned my husband and I decided to celebrate and take our first overnight trip sans baby. Last week we had our house tented for termites (ugh!) and headed up to my in-laws house for 3 nights. On one of those nights my husband and I snuck away to the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa for 24 hours of baby-free recreation.

We left Baby M screaming in his grandpa's arms as we waved goodbye on Saturday afternoon. I hate seeing Baby M cry, but lately he puts on the same show if I leave him to take a shower so I was prepared for a dramatic exit. The drive up the coast was lovely and we arrived at the Inn in a little over an hour. The Ojai Valley Inn and Spa is a beautiful Spanish Colonial resort with gorgeous views of the mountains. I felt more relaxed just minutes after walking through their arches. Our room (the cheapest one at $350 a night) was small, but comfortable with a big 4 poster bed and a view of a courtyard with fruit trees. We took a quick stroll through the complex and then headed into town for a late lunch at Sea Fresh Seafood. I had the Cornmeal Crusted Tilapia, which was good and my husband had a mixed seafood plate which included fish caught that morning from the restaurant's own fishing boat.

After lunch we headed back to the Inn for a nap. Despite the Inn's many amenities -- golf, spa treatments, yoga classes, swimming pools, etc., the thing we were most looking forward to on this mini-vacation was sleep. Uninterrupted, unabashed, drool on the pillow sleep. We woke a few hours later, went for a dip in the salt water jacuzzi and then headed back to town for a late dinner. In hindsight, we should have eaten at one of the Inn's restaurants because there was only one restaurant in town still open after nine, a friendly, but uninspired Italian place. After dinner we returned to the Inn for martini's in the lounge and listened to an affable jazz singer with a crowd of drunk and unruly senior citizens (who were more entertaining than the singer!).

In the morning we rented bicycles from the golf shop and took the bike path into town to the Ojai Cafe Emporium. We read the newspaper on the heated patio over coffee and oatmeal. After a quick dip in the salt water pool we checked out and headed back to my in-law's place. This getaway was just what I needed. When I left for the Inn I was tired, annoyed and just wanted 15 minutes without a baby attached to my leg. By the time we returned home I was refreshed and ready to scoop Baby M into my arms and give him a big kiss.

So there you have the update. Of course, if you follow my husband's Twitter feed, you'd know all this already since he sent updates continuously through our trip-- seriously, he Twittered while we were in the jacuzzi.

Sesame Street

2009-03-04T20:56:00.000-08:00

I'm afraid my baby is addicted to Sesame Street. I was all for keeping to the "no TV under 2" recommendation and except for the period when I tried anything and everything to calm his colic, I rarely parked Baby M in front of the television.

Then I caught cold after cold this winter and I started turning on the occasional episode while I recuperated on the couch. I also found that 10 minutes of Sesame Street would sometimes stop the inconsolable crying jags that Baby M often experiences upon waking from a nap. And I admit that both my husband and I have pulled up sesamestreet.org while we surreptitiously check our email in a separate browser. Although Baby M was happy enough to watch, he never seemed obsessed with watching, until now.

Now he wakes at 5:30 am and begins gesturing wildly at the TV set. He rummages through our DVD collection until he finds the Sesame Street Fiesta DVD and then waves it in front of my face. If I hide the Fiesta DVD he pulls out the unopened Baby Einstein videos I received as shower gifts and if I hide those, he brings me Austin Powers in desperation. So I have acquiesced and now allow him thirty minutes of Sesame Street a day. It makes him really happy and I can use those thirty minutes to catch up on email or wash the dishes. But a lot of the time I just sit next to him and watch. We love it when Elmo "asks a baby" --it cracks us up every time.

Time to Wean

2009-02-06T12:37:00.000-08:00

So at 16 months, we are officially done breastfeeding. I know some women find this a sad milestone, but I am pleased to be finished. I enjoyed breastfeeding, but nursing a toddler was really starting to wear me down. At 13 months Baby M still nursed every 2-3 hours and I was having trouble keeping up my weight (I know, some of you are saying nice problem). Plus the hormones associated with breastfeeding were causing some other troubles which my OB/GYN summed up as "60 year-old vagina." But most importantly, the frequent nursing was affecting my relationship with Baby M. I resented his constant whining and tugging on my shirt. When he wasn't nursing instead of playing with him I just wanted a few minutes to myself.

I tried to start weaning him at 13 months, but he was not ready. He became extremely clingy and refused to eat solid food. At the end of November I noticed he had a renewed interest in food so I started limiting his nursing sessions. I went from feeding on demand to feeding him 4 times a day-- morning, before each of his 2 naps, and before bed. (We had stopped nighttime feedings a few months prior.) This change was the most difficult of the weaning process. We spent a lot of time outside and away from home so that Baby M could keep nursing off his mind. If he was really insistent or feeling bad I would go ahead and nurse him, but eventually we were consistently nursing 4 times a day. Then, serendipitously, Baby M dropped his second nap, so we were down to 3 times a day. Dropping the nursing session before the main nap was problematic since Baby M has always needed to be nursed to sleep. I tried replacing the nap with a drink, a story, rocking, nothing worked. Ultimately, I started planning car/stroller rides around his naptime, which worked, but now he must be in the car or stroller for his nap. It's okay for now, but I'd like to get him in his crib for naps eventually.

We held steady with the night and morning feedings for a few weeks as my husband and I debated which feeding to drop next. The nighttime feeding was part of his bedtime routine, would he sleep if we left it out? But the 5AM feeding usually secured an extra 30-60 minutes of sleep time for all of us, we certainly didn't want to lose that. Not being morning people, we decided to drop the nighttime feeding. Instead of nursing Baby M after his bath, my husband read him a story and tucked him in to bed. We prepared for screams of protest, but instead Baby M just rolled over and went to sleep. He didn't seem to miss the nursing at all. I was a little disappointed, but my husband was so proud of himself for successfully putting Baby M to bed.

After 2 weeks of one feeding a day it was time to drop the morning feeding. At 5AM instead of bringing Baby M back to our room for nursing and dozing in the bed I got up, played trucks with him and gave him some animal crackers to munch on (his favorite snack.) And that was that, no drama at all. Once in awhile he'll point at my chest and look at me quizzically, but I just shake my head and he goes back to whatever he was doing.

I thought I was going to make it through the weaning process without any engorgement, but after 3 days of no nursing my breasts became sore and lumpy. Not terrible, but definitely uncomfortable. Hopefully it won't last long. Now that we're not nursing constantly we have much more time for playing soccer, making playdough, and chasing the dog. I do sometimes miss the chance to sit down and relax, but I think it was definitely the right time to wean.

Caveman Baby

2009-01-21T20:45:00.000-08:00

So Baby M is now almost 16 months old and still hasn't said a word. No "mama" or "dada", not "ball" , not even that old todler standby "no". Oh sure he makes sounds that are technically words but they are never applied consistently to the appropriate people or objects. I hear a lot of "yeah yeah yeah"'s and some "dada"'s, "yoyo"s, etc. There was a day I thought he had mastered "socks" but then it disappeared never to return.

It's quite clear that Baby M understands much of what we say. He will shake his head for yes or no, can follow simple commands like "bring me the ball" and even somewhat demeaning commands like "shake your booty." The other day while washing dishes in attempt to free my right leg from his vice-like grip I asked him to bring me a book about trucks. He promptly released my leg walked into his bedroom and returned a few moments later with the book Big Trucks. So he definitely understands language he just doesn't seem to be too interested in producing language. I guess he figures his combination of grunting, pointing, whining and tantrum throwing is working for him, so why change it? However, this mode of communication is not working for me, in fact every day it grates on my nerves just a little bit more. Especially now that he has started pointing in two directions at once and then bursting into tears when I stare back at him in confusion.

So I am redoubling my efforts to get Baby M to speak. Now, instead of handing over whatever Baby M points at, I try to get him to say something, anything, before giving him what he wants. It usually goes something like

Baby M: uunh! (points at rice on my plate)
Me: Oh you want rice? Say rice.
Baby M: mag-dah
Me: (feeds him rice)

Not terribly promising, but we'll keep trying. I also read that getting your baby to mimic silly sounds is a good way to start him on the road to language acquisition. So we started playing a game where Baby M hits my head and I say "Dong!" in a funny voice. Pretty soon he was joining in with the "Dong!" having a grand time and I felt very encouraged. But after a day he stopped making the noise and now he just hits me on the head. So I am living with a midget who grunts, throws food everywhere and whacks me on the head for fun. Whoever said toddlers are like little cavemen may have have been on to something.

You're a Mom?

2009-01-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we attended Baby Z's first birthday party at her home in Pasadena. During the party Baby M needed a diaper change and so I snuck off to the baby's room to change him. Baby M does not like to have his diaper changed. He screams, he squirms, he grabs at his diaper, he rolls over, he stands up. Diaper changes are always a struggle and I dread changing him away from home.

So I was battling Baby M on the changing table when two girls around 4 years old came into the room. "What are you doing?" they asked. "I'm changing his diaper." I replied wincing as Baby M's foot narrowly missed landing in a pile of poop. "Do you know him?" they asked skeptically. "Yes, he's my son." I answered as Baby M tried to backflip off the table. The girls looked at me incredulously and said, "YOU'RE A MOM?!"

At first I was flattered and assumed that in my new Joe's Jeans I looked too young and hip for these kids to think I was a mother. But on second consideration, they probably figured anyone so obviously incompetent at diaper changing could not possibly have a child. I can only hope that Baby M's aversion to diaper changes means that potty training will be a breeze.

Zimmer Children's Museum

2009-01-06T21:56:00.000-08:00

Last Friday my husband and I took Baby M to the Zimmer Children's Museum. The goal of the museum is to teach people about global citizenship, community responsibility, and cultural sensitivity through interactive exhibits, some of which have Jewish cultural themes. However the message is pretty subtle. This is not a junior version of the Museum of Tolerance. There are no genocides to ponder or Holocaust victims to mourn, you will have fun at the Zimmer.

In fact we had such a great time at the museum we can't wait to go back. There is a giant pinball machine, an airplane cockpit with working navigational tools, a Main Street area with shops to play in, a dress up theater, a full sized ambulance and a very cool water table. Everything is perfectly scaled to 15 month old Baby M, there is even a bounce room that is restricted to children under 2 years old. Baby M was so happy runnning around the oak tree and looking at the light-up bugs at the entrance to the Main Street exhibit that we literally had to drag him down the street into Bubbie's Bookstore and the Blue Bagel Cafe. Once we had made it through Main Street we ran into more trouble getting him out of the ambulance and away from the water table. (Okay, maybe I was the one who didn't wan't to leave the water table. It's heated and kids can use plastic dams and gates to explore how currents flow. If only they'd had one of these in my Fluid Dynamics class I wouldn't have needed all those cups of coffee to stay awake!)

It 's nice to find a place that is welcoming for younger toddlers. At 15 months Baby M is a pretty good walker, but he still topples over once in awhile and he's short enough that older kids sometimes don't see him. The Zimmer exhibits are safe and interesting for a wide range of kids and seem to be organized in such a way that the older kids don't end up trampling the younger ones. Oh, and one last plus for the Zimmer-- Free Parking!

Sick Baby

2008-12-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

A really nasty stomach virus is going around Los Angeles, and a few weeks ago Baby M caught it. Friday night he threw up and then he threw up again Saturday morning. Unwisely, my husband and I decided to head to The Wood, a new neighborhood cafe, for Saturday brunch. Baby M threw up all over me shortly after placing our order. More vomit came out of him than seemed possible given what he had eaten that day and all I could do was hold him and grimace until it subsided. A very nice employee saw me with handfulls of soiled napkins and offered to take them off my hands. "No, no," I replied, "it's digusting." He persisted. "It's barf." That stopped him in his tracks and he brought over a garbage pail for me. After cleaning up a bit we actually stayed and ate our breakfast which was quite tasty.

We had plans to see Q-tip perform on Saturday night and ever hopeful for a night out alone we packed up Baby M and headed over to the in-laws house. We planned to eat dinner with my husbands parents and then go to the show while they watched Baby M. Baby M seemed fine, he even ate some spaghetti and peas for dinner. As we were finishing up dessert Baby M started fussing and then-- blamo! Torrents of vomit spewed out of him. This wasn't normal puking, this was the infamous projectile vomiting that you hear so much about. It was as if my son was auditioning for the remake of The Exorcist. Needless to say, we ended up skipping the concert.

The next day I came down with the bug and spent most of the day shuffling back and forth between my bed and the toilet. Thank goodness for my husband-- I can't imagine being that sick and having to care for a baby. Baby M still couldn't keep anything down and more distressing he was refusing to drink anything-- no water, no juice, no Pedialyte, not even more than a few sips breast milk. He hadn't urinated for over 12 hours. I called our pediatrician who suggested trying popsicles and said we'd need to go to the ER if he didn't start taking in liquids soon. Baby M, stubborn boy that he is, refused the popsicles too (although he was still pointing eagerly at the box of Cheerios) and so we headed off to St. John's in Santa Monica later that evening.

The St. John's staff was great, they even apologized for the 20 minutes we spent in the ER waiting room. Baby M needed IV fluids which was traumatic for everyone involved. It took my husband, myself and 2 nurses to hold Baby M down while the IV was inserted. After the IV was in he screamed at the top of his lungs for 30 minutes straight until he finally fell asleep. Even so every time he woke up he would resume screaming. We kept checking his diaper for urine and he just wasn't peeing. After 3 bags of fluids and several hours the staff sent us home telling us to come back if he hadn't peed by 6AM. Thankfully, by the time we got home his diaper was wet. He stopped vomiting and finally started taking in fluids again. A few days later he was all better. It was a rough week. A friend told me that true love is holding someone while they barf all over you without flinching. I repeatedly held Baby M while he barfed all over me, but I think I might have flinched a little. I don't think he noticed.

You've Got Mail

2008-11-09T10:31:00.001-08:00

We have an older home with one of those mail slots that drop the mail into a box in the wall. From inside the house you lift a small door to retrieve the mail. This is a pretty nice set up because mail ends up inside the house, but not all over the entryway floor.

The mailbox has also become Baby M's favorite toys. He lifts the door, he closes the door. He takes the mail out. He puts things that aren't mail in. In the past week I have found nail clippers, a pink hippopotamus, a mini-pumpkin and some coasters in the mail box. The anticipation of mail is a big part of our day. When we hear the ca-chunk sound of letters dropping into the box we both perk up. "Should we check the mail?" I ask Baby M. He bounces up and down with glee and trots over to the mailbox. He lifts the door and happily pulls out all the letters. On cranky days I will drop in some old letters and ask him to check the mail. Sometimes we check the mail 3 or 4 times a day. Perhaps Baby M has found his calling.

Preschool Panic

2008-10-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

I am one of the last moms in my playgroup to start looking into preschools. Many of them began touring preschools when their babies were 4 months old, and a few before the child was even born! Despite the conventional wisdom that in West LA you need to start looking at preschools before your baby's umbilical stump falls off, I told myself that I would not even start thinking about preschool until Baby M made it to the one year mark. But now Baby M is one, so its time to start figuring out the preschool process.

Women around here can get pretty crazy when it comes to preschools. I know one woman who toured 20 preschools trying to find the best fit for her son. Another woman sent a panicked email to our neighborhood mailing list when she discovered that the tours for her preschool of choice were already booked for the year. Angelenos can buy books, attend seminars and hire private consultants to help guide them through the preschool selection process. All I really wanted was a fun place not too far from home where Baby M could get used to being in a group and following directions from an adult other than myself. Of course I want the school to be safe and the teachers to be nurturing and most importantly for Baby M to enjoy his introduction to school. It seemed simple enough, but now my head is spinning-- should I go with Montessori or Waldorf? RIE or Reggio? Academic or Developmental? I know that you're supposed to pick the model that is the best fit for your child's personality, but Baby M's personality is just beginning to become evident. I have no idea what he's going to be like at 3.

My best guess at this point is that he's going to be a typical boy. Already he prefers cars to stuffed animals, points excitedly at trucks, chases balls and runs through the library screeching. I recently finished The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre. This excellent book explores the achievement gap between school age girls and boys and traces the problem back to boys earliest exposure to school -- preschool. The author convinced me that for the average preschool boy the following are key requirements:

1. Play based curriculum
2. Acceptance of noisy play
3. Acceptance of aggressive play, as long as not dangerous
4. Big classroom with room for running around
5. Blocks, balls, building toys
6. Plenty of free play in addition to instruction
7. Teachers help students with transitions between activities

I am still just beginning my preschool search, but I will definitely look for a school with these traits. Stay tuned, I'm sure there will be many more blog posts about preschool over the next year. Apparently if I don't get my name on a waiting list by the time he is 2, Baby M will end up being taught in a dungeon by a monkey.