Weaning Baby S

About 2 months ago, at 19 months, I weaned Baby S.  We did it slowly, stretching out the intervals between nursings until only the early morning session that allowed us to laze about in bed a few extra hours remained.  Then one night the boys did a backyard camp out with their dad, and that was it.   I appeared with pancakes the next morning and all thoughts of breastfeeding melted away in syrupy goodness.

I thought I'd be ecstatic.  I'd been building something of a breastfeeding bucket list-- an overnight trip with my husband, new bras, a turtleneck jumpsuit or some equally impractical outfit for nursing.  But in reality I was depressed.  I know it was the hormones.  My shift in mood was so dramatic it was nearly laughable, but it didn't make going through it much easier.   I was tired, irritable, making dinner was a struggle.  Planning for a weekend camping trip seemed insurmountable.  And it didn't help that my boobs shrank, my stomach bloated and my face broke out.  As if I wasn't feeling bad enough all ready.

So for a few weeks I self medicated with coffee and chocolate and bad pop songs (thank you Spotify).
I invented a new game called "Mommy is a rock" that enabled me to lie curled up in the fetal position on my bed without (hopefully) disturbing my children too much.  We ate a lot of pasta and Trader Joe's frozen what-not.  Two months later I am now in a much better place.

Everyone knows about post-partum depression, but post-weaning depression, although less studied, also exists.  You can find more scientific and more eloquent posts about it here and here.  But I wanted to do a quick post as well, since there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of information about the experience out there.

Walks With S

S loves walking.  He's been walking for nearly 3 months now and each step is still an exciting accomplishment.  His favorite thing is to stroll down the block.  "Outside" he shouts banging on the front door.   Once out he doesn't stop; he will wander happily for blocks and blocks.  While  M will jump in a stroller the first chance he gets, S demands "Walk!"


A walk with with S is punctuated by exclamation points.  "Yellow Flower!"  "Ant!  "Big Tree!"  And every time I correctly interpret his proclamations I am rewarded with the biggest grin ever.  Every new surface must be stepped on.  He examines thorns on rosebushes and cautions me, "Ouch!" Leaves are picked up and discarded for more interesting loot.  I envy his complete focus on the moment.  He is not worrying about where to turn at the next corner, how long it will take to make dinner or whether the neighbors will mind him walking on the lawn.  I am so grateful to have the time with him to wander, to explore, to get out of my head and into his.  Sometimes amid all the researching schools, scheduling play dates and reading about discipline tactics I forget to take a breath and simply enjoy where my children are at right now. Walks with S help me remember.

French Kids Eat Everything

So over the past year or so I've had a love hate thing going with food writing.  It started innocently enough when I read Omnivore's Dilema by Michael Pollan.  "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants".  Now that sounded reasonable.  Then I moved on to The Kind Diet and Eating Animals.  Well, my husband and I agreed, vegan seemed the way to go.  It was healthier, better for the environment and wouldn't have us supporting the truly horrific conditions that conventionally farmed animals live in.  Plus, learning that fecal contamination is officially considered a "cosmetic blemish" by the FDA pretty much put me off poultry.  Then Baby S's eczema showed up.  I started excluding other things from our diet-- gluten, dairy, soy.  I read about the Paleo Diet, the GAPS Diet, the Alkaline Diet.  I didn't know if I should be basing our meals around whole grains or completely eradicating them from my diet.  Baby S started slipping down the growth chart, my average sized baby was now in the 4th percentile.  Did he just need a big bowl of grass-fed beef broth?  Or some more adzuki beans?  I was beginning to think of food as my nemesis.  Finally I swore off reading anything else about food.  Publicly.  On Facebook.

So when the library hold I'd placed on Karen Le Billon's book, French Kids Eat Everything, came in I almost sent it back.  But I didn't and I really enjoyed this combination memoir parenting guide about a Canadian family who moves to a French village where they encounter very different ideas around how and what to teach children about food.  In France kids are taught less about what to eat and more about how to eat, namely at a table with friends and family where food can be savored.  Food is not merely fuel.  It is not a distraction or a bribe.  Food is not medicine.  Meals are not something to be squeezed in between soccer practice and bath time; they are events to be looked forward to.  And snacking between meals is nearly unheard of.  French parents believe eating well is something that must be learned.  Children are taught not only table manners, but how to describe and enjoy different flavors.  And when I say taught I mean instructed; every day schools serve their students a 3 course meal complete with flatware and cloth napkins.  Schools also have an annual "tasting week" where chefs come into the classroom and the kids get to cook and taste new foods.

Le Billon writes about moving into this culture with her young daughters who are picky, snack constantly and are used to eating lunch in 10 minutes.  Needless to say, it doesn't go well.  Finally Le Billon begins analyzing what makes the French kids such good eaters.  She comes up with a list of 10 "Food Rules" that French families follow and a plan for implementing them with her family.  The book describes her successes and set backs.  I felt a bit of a kinship with the author at this point.  I too come up with grand ideas for my improving my family's habits, have a husband who listens skeptically to my plans and a tendency to wallow in dejection when things don't go as expected.  But I am not a Rhodes Scholar or one of Canada's top 40 under 40, so that's pretty much where the similarities end.

Our family already follows (or tries to follow) many of the rules in the book.  We eat together, I don't cook separate meals for the kids and at meals we eat mostly real food.  But my kids often fill up on snacks and eat little at mealtimes.  Since they aren't hungry, getting them to sit at the table is difficult. My boys eat a decent variety of foods, but I'd still like to see them increase the number of fruits and vegetables they'll accept.  There are several tactics that I'm taking away from this book.  First and foremost I'm trying to reduce our snacking and I've been making liberal use of Le Billon's phrase "It's okay to feel hungry between meals."  I'm also trying to make our meals something to look forward to. Of course I always strive to cook things that taste good, but I'll admit there was the steamed greens and adzuki bean stew phase that was a bit of a hard sell.  We're having dessert more often, even if it's just orange slices (which I called "oranges au sirop" in my terrible French accent).  I've started asking my 4 year old to taste everything and describe the flavors without using "good" or "bad".  If he doesn't like it I reply that he just hasn't learned to like it yet and that he'll like it when he is older.  Sometimes we play a game where everyone at the table has to guess the ingredients in a dish.  I try not to rush us through the meal, even when it is already 8pm and M has school the next day.  

These changes have not cured all of our food issues.  Baby S still rummages through the pantry 5 times a day shouting "cracker!" and this week M told me that he does not like melons, apricots or bell peppers.  But M did taste all of those foods before declaring his dislike and for all his shouting Baby S only got crackers once today.  (Okay twice.  I am a work in process.)

California Science Center by Rail

Yesterday M, Baby S and I rode the Los Angeles Metro from La Cienega / Jefferson to the California Science Center.  Up until now our trips on the metro have always been more about the novelty of riding the train and less about transportation but that all changed with the opening of the new Expo line on April 28th, 2012.  Yes, we still need to drive about 15 minutes from our home to the metro stop, but once at the station it is an easy trip to the museum.  Easier, in fact, than driving up the 10 freeway, paying $9 to park and then trekking across the giant Exposition Park parking lot.  The metro stop has free covered parking and the train dropped us off right in front of the Rose Garden, just a short, pleasant walk to the museum entrance. I didn't even bring the stroller!  Trains run every 10 minutes and at 10:30am on Friday my kids and I had our pick of seats.   The 20 minute ride was just the right amount of time to entertain the kids.  We spent about 2 hours at the museum, had lunch and came back home in time for Baby S's nap.

I am actually not a huge fan of the CA Science Center (it's always a madhouse and too many broken exhibits) but I am a big fan of budget friendly outings and this one was hard to beat.  There is no charge for the CA Science Center and kids ride the metro for free so our only expenses were $3 for my metro ticket ($1.50 each way) and the 51 cents we spent for a pressed penny at the museum.   Not bad for a morning full of activity.

Purple Vans with Pink Hearts

M's favorite color is purple.  He's also quite fond of pink.  So when we walked into the Vans store and he saw a pair of purple slip ons with pink hearts, well, those were the shoes he wanted.  Now I  went into Vans shoe store to avoid the fights over $60 light up shoes and ugly shoes with plastic clone wars characters plastered all over them but now I was faced with a whole new shoe dilema.  Do I buy him the shoes he wanted despite the fact that they were clearly intended for girls or do I push him toward the classic checkered Vans?

I've tried to avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes with M.  I was never one of those kooky parents who hid his gender from people, but I've happily painted his toenails pink, watched him dance around in princess dresses and told him that yes, Queen Amidala can fight in battles just like Anakin.  (Of course when I added that girls can do anything boys can do M, ever the contrarian, replied "Can they grow a penis?")  But I balked at buying the purple shoes with the pink hearts.  First I tried distraction, "How about these shoes with the flames?"  Then I tried honesty, "I think these shoes are for girls.  You can get them if you want, but some people might make fun of you."  That didn't phase him either.  I was ready to grudgingly buy the shoes but then the salesman showed him some "ghost flame" shoes and M was sold.  Apparently 20 year old dreadlocked Jason Castro impersonators have more sway with my son than I do.

So he got the "ghost flame" shoes and we continued on with our errands, stocking up on glitter paint and construction paper.  But my reaction to the shoes still kind of bothers me.  I know if my daughter had wanted to get flame shoes or car shoes I wouldn't have thought twice about it.  It seems girls, at least at this age, have much more flexibility with their image than boys do.  I see plenty of little girls on the playground wearing Spiderman t-shirts and Lightning McQueen sneakers, but I never see any boys in Little Mermaid hoodies.  Is it because boys aren't interested in mermaids or is it because parents won't let them be?  I'd like to think that I'd be just as happy if M wanted to be a ballerina as I am that he wants to be an astronaut, but now I'm not sure.  In any case, if one day he does decide to buy the pink shoes I hope he   wears them with aplomb and that I stand behind him smiling proudly.

Aaaahh! Kindergarten

Freaking about kindergarten is something of a rite of passage for parents in Los Angeles.  Unless you happen to be blessed with a top performing neighborhood school or the contacts and cash to get into a private school you will probably spend the year before kindergarten frantically touring schools, applying to lotteries and calculating how to get more points on your Choices applications.

Since M has an October birthday I had the additional chance to agonize over whether or not to send him to kindergarten in the fall, when he'll still be 4 or to wait another year and send him when he's 5.  California's cut-off for kindergarten is moving over the next few years from December 2 to September 1, and this year M just makes the cut-off.   M is bright, socially well adapted, tall for his age.  These are not just my impressions, I've had conversations with his preschool teachers, piano teacher, other educational professionals and they all agree that he is an exceptional 4 year old who would probably do just fine in kindergarten. On the other hand, he still would be younger than most kids, doesn't have much interest in worksheets and asks A LOT of questions.  Perhaps too many questions for the average, overburdened public school teacher.

I thought I had come up with a fool-proof kindergarten plan.  I would apply to our top magnet and charter school choices, as well as schools that have 2 year or transitional kindergarten classes.  If we didn't get in anywhere we would just do a 3rd year of preschool and we'd have a chance to re-apply for kindergarten next year.  As expected, we didn't get in to any of the schools we applied to and our wait list positions were pretty dismal (at one school we were simply told that we're on page 5).  I was a bit depressed, but fine with M doing a third year of preschool.  Then the older class at M's small preschool disintegrated-- some kids got into TK, some decided they wanted a full day program, some moved, the end effect being that instead of being one of several 4-5 year olds at the school he would be the oldest kid by 8 months.  Even the preschool director agreed that this situation wasn't best for M and she would prefer to see him move on to kindergarten rather than be in an environment where he wouldn't be challenged.

This development completely blew my semi-zen attitude about schools.  No longer was I calmly saying "there are lots of good choices out there".  I was in panic mode.  I revisited our decision to delay kindergarten a year.  Although deadlines for most magnets and charters were long since passed there were a few nearby language immersion schools (Mandarin or Spanish) that we might still be able to get in.  But if I questioned whether a traditional school was going to be too much for M this year, was he really ready for a traditional school in a foreign language? We are guaranteed a spot at our neighborhood school which a few years ago seemed fine, but a new principal, a testing scandal and some grumbling by local parents has me second guessing it.  I could apply to another preschool, but I hadn't researched preschools for 3 years and had no idea which schools might be a good fit and have openings.

Thankfully, my distraught facebook post led to a few leads and we found a preschool with a 4 and 5 year old class, not too far away, with open spots.  So now M has a place to go to school and, for those of you who saw my Costa Rica post, I do not have a parasite.  All is right in again in the world.

Costa Rican Family Vacation

So we're back from our week long vacation in Costa Rica.  It was fun, but as I struggle through my tenth day of unspeakable digestive tract issues, awaiting lab results to find out if my parents were right and I did in fact catch a parasite in Central America, I'm having a hard time being upbeat about the place.  And then there was our 12 hour flight delay with a unplanned, luggageless overnight stay in San Jose, the fire ants that attacked Baby S, and the night we had Pringles for dinner.  However, if I think back to the first half of our trip, Costa Rica actually was a lovely place to visit with kids.

We stayed just outside Manuel Antonio National Park in a beautiful modern home with a pool overlooking the Pacific.  It was a bit of splurge, but we split the house with another family and were able to get a good deal on the pricing.  It was definitely worth it to have a kitchen, air conditioned bedrooms and a pool.  With 3 kids under 5 we spent a fair amount of time at home for naps and just chilling out and it's much easier to relax sitting next to your private pool overlooking the jungle than in a cramped hotel room.  A few of the trip highlights...

Manuel Antonio National Park- we took a guided hike from the inland park entrance to the beach, Playa Espadilla Sur.  Our guide had a scope to point out animals and we saw monkeys, toucans, sloths, crabs and frogs.  Without the guide we wouldn't have seen anything.  Most of the time even knowing where the animals were perched I couldn't see them without the scope.  The hike was a bit long for the kids, but still enjoyable and the beach was gorgeous.

Damas Island Mangrove tour- this boat tour through the mangrove trees could have been called the "everybody gets a monkey on their head tour".  The mangrove lined canals were beautiful and peaceful and there were plenty of birds to watch, but feeding the monkeys bananas and watching them climb on the kids was definitely the highlight of the tour.  Our boat driver even knew which monkeys to visit-- at one point he steered the boat away from some hungry simians saying "not these guys-- they're mean."  The kids loved it!

Dominical- we spent most of our time in Quepos and Manuel Antonio, which are fine towns, but cater to traditional tourists.  It was a nice change to spend a day in Dominical a small, funky surf town with lots of hostels and people we jokingly referred to as "the Others" wandering about.  The dark sand, rocky beach was wide and empty mid-morning.

Rainmaker - the hike through this small rainforest reserve has a series of hanging bridges as well as a shallow stream and waterfalls you can cool off in.  If I hadn't been so sick I would have really enjoyed this shady walk through the jungle.  As it was, I ignored all warnings of bugs and poisonous dart frogs and laid down in the middle of the trail for a little nap.  The entrance fee included a "tipico" lunch (beans, rice, shredded chicken & tortillas) and fresh squeezed guyabana juice.

El Avion - We had lunch in this restaurant housed in an old cargo plane.  Good food, nice view and the kids had a blast pretending to fly the plane.  Large and kid-friendly, it's on the main road in Manuel Antonio.

El Arado - Our favorite restaurant in Cost Rica-- we came here for dinner and breakfast.  The friendly women who work in the kitchen will cook you up whatever you feel like, although if Saltin, a kind of seafood stew,  is on the menu order it-- you won't regret it.  I also recommend the fresh squeezed watermelon juice. On the old road between Quepos and Manuel Antonio.