The Mess Bed

For the past few months Baby M has been telling me that his toddler bed is "not comfortable".  I figured this was just another one of his bedtime stalling techniques, along the lines of "I need some icy water" and "my feet are cold."  But perhaps his bed really is not comfortable because last week he took matters into his own hands and made himself a "mess bed." He took every stuffed animal he could find (which is at least 30) and spread them out in the middle of his bedroom floor.  He pulled his pillow and blankets off his bed and slept on his mattress of toys.  He's been sleeping there every night for the last week and claims his mess bed is eminently more comfortable than his regular bed.  He's going to bed without much trouble and sleeping through the night so I'm not going to mess with it.  A messy bedroom is a small price to pay for a full night's sleep.

A Good School

Now that Baby M and most of his friends are safely ensconced in suitable preschools, the hot topic is "where are you sending him for kindergarten?"  Parents are on a never-ending quest for a "good school."  I have heard the words "good school" thrown around so much in the past months that they have lost all meaning.  Is a good school the one with high test scores?  Involved parents?  An arts focussed curriculum?  A lawn?  Mostly white kids?  Any school that is not part of LAUSD?  Depending on who you talk to it could be any of these.

So when I saw Diane Ravitch on the Daily Show talking about the state of public education, I decided to pick up her new book The Death and Life of the Great American School System.   Diane Ravitch is a historian of school reform and served in the Education Department under the George H.W. Bush and Clinton administrations.  Her book provides an in depth look at the last 20 years or so of school reform. Interestingly, many of the policies she once advocated for-- testing, accountability, choice and markets--  she has now reversed position on.  As she explains in the book, her views changed as she "saw how these ideas were working out in reality."

The main point of the book is that market based and data driven reforms will not help, and quite possibly are hurting the quality of our public schools.  She uses several case studies and, somewhat ironically, test scores to illustrate her point.  Indeed, one problem with data is that depending on how you slice it, it can be used to show schools are or are not improving.  Ravitch convincingly makes the case that by obsessing over scores on standardized tests of the most basic math and reading skills, we are leaving our students unable to do much more than fill in a bubble on a multiple choice test.  They are "unprepared to lead fulfilling lives, to be responsible citizens and to make good choices."  And by using those scores exclusively to evaluate schools, teachers and administrators will teach only the test material, will manipulate who takes the test or will cheat in order to keep their jobs.  She argues that by creating a market for schools, we create winners and losers as the most motivated students and families flock to charter schools and neighborhood schools are left with unmotivated or problem students.  Instead of citizens linked together by a school, we are consumers, each looking out only for our own interests.  She writes, "The market, with its great strengths, is not the appropriate mechanism to supply services that should be distributed equally to people in every neighborhood in every city and town in the nation without regard to their ability to pay or their political power."  She does see a role for religious, private and even charter schools, but one that does not drain away the best students from public education.  Her prescription for fixing schools includes a well-defined comprehensive liberal arts based curriculum, an inspection based assessment method for schools and teachers, well-educated teachers and extra help for disadvantaged families.  This was a fascinating book and if you are at all interested in education policy I highly recommend it.

So what does this all mean for me and my search for a "good school"?  Well, I've always felt strongly about the importance of neighborhood schools.  And I was all set to attend my local school with its pretty good API score (but very good based on demographics), diverse student body, involved parents and new playground equipment.  But then I thought I should do some due diligence and learn about my other options-- charters, magnets, open enrollment.  I toured a nearby charter school and found they include foreign language, arts and music in their regular school day, things my neighborhood school only offers in after school enrichment classes.  The charter school also has a pretty good API score, but it is well below average based on demographics.   So, what to think?  Is my neighborhood school teaching to the test at the expense of other subjects? Are the charter school students lagging behind on basic skills? I'd love for Baby M to learn a second language and be well-versed in the arts.  At the same time, I want to support my neighborhood school and allow Baby M to make friends who live nearby.  After reading this book, I will spend a little more time researching the curriculum used by the schools and observe some classes in each.  I still have least a year before Baby M starts kindergarten and plenty of time to find that all elusive "good school."

Giving Away My Baby Names

We're done having kids.  I've given away my maternity clothes, the bassinet, the newborn outfits and the swaddle blankets.  But you know you're really done having kids when you give away your baby names.  You know, the names you alway kept to yourself, the ones that you were paranoid someone else might use.  So here they are,  my gift to you, the list of names for the girl baby we never had.  Please use one of them, really, it will make me happy.

Charlotte - I know this is a popular name (#45 according to the SSA database, and I'd guess it ranks even higher in West LA) and I'm sure that it wormed it's way into my consciousness via Sex and the City, but I still love it.  And for all her neuroses, Charlotte was the kindest of the SATC girls.

Clara - I always liked the idea of naming my child after a literary character, but had a hard time finding a worthy character with an appealing name.  Clara was one of the main characters in Zadie Smith's White Teeth.  She was wise, funny, imperfect and determined.  As I read the book I kept thinking, "Clara, now that's a nice name".  Plus with historical namesakes Clara Barton and Clara Bow you can't go wrong.

Mathilda - Okay, yes, I admit, this name pick was totally inspired by Heath Ledger and Michelle William's daughter.  But once in awhile celebrities do come up with a winner.  I like it best with the "h"  since it lends itself to the cute nickname Hildie.

Penelope - Penelope has so many great things going for it.  It's sound is unique, but not weird.  No one will ever get your name confused at Starbucks.  And if you are looking for pop culture references, it really doesn't get much better then Penelope. Penelope was Punky Brewster's full name and Inspector Gadget's clever niece (Penny).  You could sing your daughter Penny Lane as a lullaby.   And don't forget about Penelope Widmore on Lost.  Whenever Desmond said Penny's name there was so much love and heartache in his voice that I wished I was named Penny.

Sally - A few years ago I watched all of the episodes of BBC's Coupling and was surprised at how well the name Sally worked for a grown woman.  But, if I'm totally honest, this name choice was probably influenced more by Richard Scarry's Sally the Cat on Busytown Mysteries than anything else. Anyway, the name Sally is friendly, spunky and a little old fashioned.

Tamsyn - I could never sell my husband on this one, but when we first started talking baby names I had my heart set on it.  He thought it was weird and that people would shorten it to Tammy.  I thought it was unique and that we could always use Tassie if we wanted a nickname.  And I thought it would go so well with the name of our hypothetical son, Joss.  He thought it would sound ridiculous with our son who would obviously be named Chad.  It's actually kind of amazing that we ended up agreeing so easily on the names for Baby M and Baby S.

So that's the list.  No extra boy names, I always found male names much harder to come up with.  And no, I was not planning on having 6 daughters.  I just like having options.

Baby S's Eczema

So Baby S has eczema.  We're lucky in that it doesn't seem to bother him too much and for the most part it is confined to his cheeks.  At the same time, it is bad enough that strangers will ask me "What's wrong with his face?"  and I've been putting off getting his pictures done until it clears up.   The thing about eczema is that pretty much anything could cause it.  Is it the detergent I'm using?  The food I'm eating (Baby S is exclusively breastfed)?  Our dog? Our non-organic cotton sheets?  The weather?  Although most doctors believe only a small number eczema outbreaks are caused by food allergies, most moms I talked to seemed to think certain foods aggravated their kid's eczema.  I tried going off dairy for 2 weeks (my brother did, in fact, have a milk allergy growing up, so it seemed a good place to start).  Baby S's skin didn't really improve, but I questioned myself constantly.   Did his skin look a little less red?   A little more red?  I switched to soy milk and his skin seemed worse, did he have a soy allergy?  He was particularly fussy after I ate grapefruit, maybe citrus is the cause?  I could easily drive myself crazy and end up eating nothing but brown rice and avocados.

After changing our detergent, lotions and soaps, going off dairy and slathering Baby S with calendula ointment for weeks with no improvement we finally saw a dermatologist.  He diagnosed Baby S with eczema and a mild bacterial infection and gave us Mupirocin ointment for the bacterial infection, Fluticasone cream for the the eczema and told us to use Cetaphil or Aquaphor on the rest of his body to help ensure the eczema didn't spread.  Baby S's skin cleared up within a week of using the creams, but as soon as we stopped the eczema came right back.  The dermatologist put us back on the Fluticasone cream and told us to slowly wean Baby S off it, switching from twice a day to once a day to Aquaphor only over 3 weeks.  So that's what we're trying now.

I know about the risks of using steriod creams and I am not thrilled about using them--  skin damage,  reduced ability to fight skin infections, permanent discoloration, etc.  My pediatrician is also not thrilled.  In fact, at Baby S's 6 month check up she urged me to stop the cream immediately and "see what happens".   I hate it when you get conflicting advice from doctors.  Her position is that eczema is a symptom of something happening internally and the steriod just covers up the problem, it doesn't solve it.  A valid point, but I also want my baby to be comfortable and, vain as it sounds, I want to see his cute smiling face unmarred by crusty red patches.  Or at least I'd like his skin clear long enough to get a nice photograph.  So, I booked his portrait session for a few days from now and afterwards we'll start weaning him off the steriod cream.  If the rash comes back I don't think will do another round of Fluticasone, we'll stick to baths and lotions and do our best to manage.

Pretend City

A few weeks ago we drove down to Irvine to go to Pretend City.  This children's museum is an interconnected "city" where kids can pretend to be everything from a fireman to a farmer.  There is a pretend fire station, post office, restaurant, hospital, supermarket, construction site, beach, farm and theater.  All of the exhibits include appropriate props and costumes.  Additionally, there is a large water table and a well stocked arts and crafts room.  The museum is relatively new and everything was clean and in good condition.  At 3 years old, Baby M was in heaven.  He spent a lot of time pretending to be a dispatcher in the fire station, served me about 20 plates of spaghetti in the restaurant, worked the sound and light board in the theater and got to hold a real live chick at the "farm."

Irvine is a bit of a drive for us, but my mother lives in San Diego so Pretend City was the perfect half-way meeting point.  Aside from being a chance for us to visit, it was great to have my mother around to do some of the pretending (4 hours of make-believe play with Baby M is pushing it for me).  She also watched Baby M while I fed Baby S in the nursing room.  The nursing room is equipped with a glider rocker and since there aren't a lot of quiet places to sit in the museum, it's a nice amenity.  We had lunch in the cafe, which was the only real disappointment-- it's just a group of tables, a microwave, some vending machines and a woman selling sandwiches and salads out of cooler. Our sandwiches were fine, but next time we'll probably pack a lunch.

There are a few padded play areas for little ones, but Pretend City is really best for kids between 2 and 8 years old.   Tickets are $11 per person (free for babies under 1 year), but you can get a 2-for-1 admission on the second Friday of every month here.  If we lived closer I'd consider getting a membership.  We were in the museum for 4 hours and Baby M could have stayed longer, plus the museum has a full calendar of events and classes.

So how is it with 2 kids?

Before I had Baby S I worried about how I'd do with two kids.  Would I have enough patience, attention and energy to go around?  Would Baby M regress?  Would my house completely fall apart?  Would we ever take a vacation again?  Was a second child a bad idea?

Well I'm happy to report that two kids is fine.  Better than fine.  Great even.  I'm not one to wax poetic about the happiness of children, but having two kids is pretty wonderful.  Now it may just be that I am on a double upswing of the happiness curve (according to studies parental happiness climbs from birth to six months and again after age 3) and I'm going to come crashing down again in a few weeks, or maybe it's a hormone fueled, sleep deprivation mirage, but for now, I am really enjoying having two.

On the Baby S side, the second time around I am so much more relaxed, that I can really enjoy every little cuddle, coo and funny expression.  I'm not obsessed with tracking how often he's nursing, peeing and pooping.  I'm not compulsively reading sleep books trying to figure out an optimal sleep routine.  And I don't have time to get bored with the monotony of caring for an infant.  There is no spinning him around in an office chair 10 times a day in order to improve his spatial reasoning like I did with Baby M.  I'm just  making funny faces and stealing kisses between playing Thomas the Train and coloring pictures with my 3 year old.

On the Baby M side, I appreciate how far he has come in just 3 years.  He can talk and reason, run and climb.  All the things I can't do with Baby S yet.  And I can't describe the warmth I feel when I see Baby M act lovingly towards Baby S-- bringing him a toy, singing him a song, talking to him about the bunk beds they will share someday.  I'm getting glimpses of what I hope will be a strong sibling relationship.

Of course everything is not chocolates and roses.  I'm still tired.  I don't get enough time with my husband.  I spend an inordinate amount of time doing laundry.  My three year old whines a lot and seems hell bent on destroying my home.   The baby is teething.  He doesn't sleep through the night.  But at the end of the day I know without question that it's all worth it.

My New Favorite Breakfast Recipe

Baby M adores pancakes, but I generally don't have enough time or energy in the morning to make a big batch.  Plus, traditional pancakes are not the healthiest way to start the morning.  I love the recipe below because it is easy, healthy and Baby M gobbles them up.

Oatmeal- Banana Pancakes
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 banana mashed up
1 egg
1/4 cup skim milk
1/4 - 1/2 tsp cinnamon

Mix everything together and cook on a lightly greased skillet.  Makes about 4 pancakes.

Today I added a handful of frozen blueberries and used soy milk instead of regular milk and they came out great.