Eczema Part 2: The Naturopath

So I kept waiting to write a follow up post on Baby S's eczema.  I was hoping that if I tried enough treatments sooner or later I would find some lotion or change to my diet or strange folk remedy and I could come back to the blog and write "Hooray!  Baby S's skin is clear!  Here's the solution!"  Well, that has not happened, although I did try a lot treatments.  I eliminated dairy, soy and caffeine from my diet.  I tried various creams obtained from the corner drugstore, the herbal pharmacy, even the Indian Market.  Everywhere Baby S and I went some well meaning stranger claimed to know a miracle cure-- everything from rubbing Baby S's cheeks with banana peels (which I tried) to peeing on his face (which I did not).

In my previous post I noted that the eczema did not bother Baby S much.  That is no longer the case.  During the day he does okay, but at night he thrashes around and scratches at his cheeks.  He wakes every few hours and I pat or nurse him back to sleep. I cut and file his nails constantly but still wake to bloody sheets.  I pledged I wasn't going to use the steroid cream anymore, but seeing him so uncomfortable led me to start using it again.  The cream did help some, but even after using it for 10 days straight his skin was still red and mottled so that 's when I decided I needed to seek out additional help.  Our pediatrician and dermatologist just weren't cutting it.

Yesterday we went to see a highly recommended naturopath.  I'm generally not into alternative medicine, but since conventional medicine wasn't helping I decided it was worth trying.  The doctor took a detailed history and observed Baby S's behavior.  Because Baby S's eczema is primarily on his cheeks, as opposed to the more classical presentation on the elbows and knees, the doctor believes the root cause is related to diet or digestion.  And it is true that Baby S has had problems with constipation and still spits up frequently.  The naturopath  recommended we eliminate gluten from our diet (for 6 weeks - ugh!), add daily probiotics, multi-vitamins and cod-liver oil for Baby S.  He gave us a prescription for a homeopathic remedy and Tamanu oil to use topically.  I really hope this will help Baby S.

Threats and Sighs

So we've been having a little problem with Baby M for the last week or so.  At three and a half he has started biting.  He never bit anyone before, but now he does.  Hard.  And he doesn't let go until you physically unclamp his jaw from your arm.  On the plus side, he only bites my husband and me, but really, is that much of a plus?  We ask him why he is biting and he replies "I don't know."  We've told him biting is unacceptable, that it hurts us, that he should use his words, that if he is angry or frustrated he can bite a pillow.  None of these statements have had any effect. He bites seemingly without cause or provocation.  Yesterday he leaned over and bit me while we were eating dinner.  Tonight he bit my husband while getting into the bath.  I suspect that he is biting because he feels he's not getting enough attention, and we are doing our best to spend dedicated time with him, but we still really would like the biting to stop.

Today I was sitting on the couch with the boys and I saw Baby M lean in for the bite.  Tired, angry, tangled up with Baby S and unable to move away I said, "If you bite me you cannot play your Super-Grover game on the computer." (I'd told him he could play it after lunch.)  He paused for a moment and then sunk his teeth into my wrist.  In theory I don't believe in threatening children, especially with "consequences" completely unrelated to the problem behavior.  But in practice?  Well, stuff happens.  But today I was reminded why I try not to use threats.  As soon as I said "Ok, no computer game" he started the tantrum to end all tantrums.  He screamed and cried for about an hour (apologies to my neighbor with the open house).  The tantrum I could handle, but then he told me "The thing that will make me stop biting is if you let me play a game."  Not exactly the message I was going for.  Later that night I overheard Baby M relating the episode to my husband.  His explanation of what happened was "Mommy took away my game to make me frustrated because I made Mommy frustrated when I bit her."  Again, not really the lesson I wanted him to learn.  Furthermore, Baby M bit my husband about 15 minutes prior to this conversation, so aside from not teaching him anything useful my threat didn't curb the problem behavior either.

I'd like Baby M to learn that biting is wrong because it hurts people and understand that hurting people is wrong.  I'd like him to learn to express his feelings and ask for what he needs.  I am just not sure how to teach him this. I talk about treating people with respect. I try to label his own and other's feelings.  Our number one house rule is that we do not hurt people or animals.  I just do not know what to do.  Sigh.

The Dining Passport

Baby M is not a terrible eater, but he is not a great eater and I'm always looking for ways to get him to eat a wider variety of foods. The Dining Passport is a clever idea that I got from Family Fun Magazine.  The passport is a booklet your child can record all of his culinary adventures in.  We kept ours very simple.  I punched holes in a bunch of 3 x 5 cards and strung them together.  Then we printed out flags from around the world at the CIA website.  Whenever Baby M eats an ethnic meal he gets to paste the nation's flag onto one of the cards and I write in the date and a few details about the meal.  Then we look up the country on the globe and see how far it is from Los Angeles.  I've found this is a terrific way to expand Baby M's diet.  He really loves getting to paste new flags into his passport, so much so that he'll gladly eat falafel or dosa or other foods that might normally be rejected.  And as a bonus, he is learning a bit of geography at the same time.  So far his passport contains flags from Egypt, Morocco, Italy, Mexico, Thailand and India.

Road Trip

Last weekend we took a road trip up to Northern California to visit family.  I was not looking forward to 8+ hours in the car with a 7 month old and a 3 1/2 year old, but it seemed preferable to spending $1000 and navigating the airport with 2 kids, 2 car seats, a stroller and all the other junk we end up taking when we travel. 

Happily, the trip went better than expected.  We left early in the morning and both kids were still too sleepy to be uncooperative.  We stopped for breakfast, lunch and a few breaks along the way.  Both boys slept a fair amount.  To keep Baby M occupied I had checked out a bunch of children's books on CD from the library, but our CD player stopped working half-way through the trip. (Mysteriously, it is now working again which leads me to wonder if the malfunction was just part of my husband's plot to listen to 4 hours of The.Best.Saxophone.Podcast.Ever.)  Luckily for us driving up the 5 freeway provides plenty of entertainment for preschoolers.  Some of Baby M's favorite games:
 
Find My Foot
Raise Your Hand If You See Train Tracks
Hey, That's a Windmill
Cows: CAFO or Pasture

Admittedly not the most stimulating pastimes for me, but definitely better than the hours of whining that I had anticipated.  I'm hoping by the next road trip Baby M will be ready for some more challenging car games, maybe License Plate Bingo, 20 Questions or one of these car games from Travelhacker.

A Baby Eating Solids Means No Time To Blog

Well, obviously not, but now that Baby S is eating solids I certainly feel like my entire day is spent prepping meals, feeding and cleaning up after my family.  Around here mealtimes are a messy, messy business.  Sometimes I will walk by a woman in the park or at the mall and she'll have her baby propped up in the stroller and a jar of sweet potatoes perched on her knee.  The mother will offer up a small spoon of orange mush and the baby will obligingly open her mouth, gum it, swallow and then open up for more.  Invariably the baby will be dressed in something white and her bib is really just an accessory because there WILL NOT BE A SPOT OF FOOD ON IT!  How is this possible?  

The minute I put Baby S in his high chair he becomes a miniature many-armed Hindu God grabbing spoons away quicker than I can wash them. When I sit down to feed Baby S I bring no less than 5 spoons with me.  Baby S actually does enjoy his food, but he and I have not mastered the dance that is feeding.  Sometimes he leans forward too eagerly and bumps his head on the spoon. Sometimes he turns away at the last moment and gets a cheek full of peas.  Sometimes he decides to practice blowing raspberries while eating and sprays pureed pears all over my face.  And it doesn't help that he requires a thumb chaser after each bite.  As soon as the spoon comes out, in pops the thumb.  Before each new bite I extract a sticky, gooey thumb from Baby S's mouth.  After a few spoonfuls Baby S's face and hands are covered in food, along with my face, the walls and floor.  Food dribbles down his chin, leaks under his bib and stains the neckline of his shirt.  We go through this process 3 times a day, along with the requisite clothes changing and clean up.  Once Baby S is fed, I proceed to feed the rest of us, who are generally, but I must admit not always, a bit neater.

The Mess Bed

For the past few months Baby M has been telling me that his toddler bed is "not comfortable".  I figured this was just another one of his bedtime stalling techniques, along the lines of "I need some icy water" and "my feet are cold."  But perhaps his bed really is not comfortable because last week he took matters into his own hands and made himself a "mess bed." He took every stuffed animal he could find (which is at least 30) and spread them out in the middle of his bedroom floor.  He pulled his pillow and blankets off his bed and slept on his mattress of toys.  He's been sleeping there every night for the last week and claims his mess bed is eminently more comfortable than his regular bed.  He's going to bed without much trouble and sleeping through the night so I'm not going to mess with it.  A messy bedroom is a small price to pay for a full night's sleep.

A Good School

Now that Baby M and most of his friends are safely ensconced in suitable preschools, the hot topic is "where are you sending him for kindergarten?"  Parents are on a never-ending quest for a "good school."  I have heard the words "good school" thrown around so much in the past months that they have lost all meaning.  Is a good school the one with high test scores?  Involved parents?  An arts focussed curriculum?  A lawn?  Mostly white kids?  Any school that is not part of LAUSD?  Depending on who you talk to it could be any of these.

So when I saw Diane Ravitch on the Daily Show talking about the state of public education, I decided to pick up her new book The Death and Life of the Great American School System.   Diane Ravitch is a historian of school reform and served in the Education Department under the George H.W. Bush and Clinton administrations.  Her book provides an in depth look at the last 20 years or so of school reform. Interestingly, many of the policies she once advocated for-- testing, accountability, choice and markets--  she has now reversed position on.  As she explains in the book, her views changed as she "saw how these ideas were working out in reality."

The main point of the book is that market based and data driven reforms will not help, and quite possibly are hurting the quality of our public schools.  She uses several case studies and, somewhat ironically, test scores to illustrate her point.  Indeed, one problem with data is that depending on how you slice it, it can be used to show schools are or are not improving.  Ravitch convincingly makes the case that by obsessing over scores on standardized tests of the most basic math and reading skills, we are leaving our students unable to do much more than fill in a bubble on a multiple choice test.  They are "unprepared to lead fulfilling lives, to be responsible citizens and to make good choices."  And by using those scores exclusively to evaluate schools, teachers and administrators will teach only the test material, will manipulate who takes the test or will cheat in order to keep their jobs.  She argues that by creating a market for schools, we create winners and losers as the most motivated students and families flock to charter schools and neighborhood schools are left with unmotivated or problem students.  Instead of citizens linked together by a school, we are consumers, each looking out only for our own interests.  She writes, "The market, with its great strengths, is not the appropriate mechanism to supply services that should be distributed equally to people in every neighborhood in every city and town in the nation without regard to their ability to pay or their political power."  She does see a role for religious, private and even charter schools, but one that does not drain away the best students from public education.  Her prescription for fixing schools includes a well-defined comprehensive liberal arts based curriculum, an inspection based assessment method for schools and teachers, well-educated teachers and extra help for disadvantaged families.  This was a fascinating book and if you are at all interested in education policy I highly recommend it.

So what does this all mean for me and my search for a "good school"?  Well, I've always felt strongly about the importance of neighborhood schools.  And I was all set to attend my local school with its pretty good API score (but very good based on demographics), diverse student body, involved parents and new playground equipment.  But then I thought I should do some due diligence and learn about my other options-- charters, magnets, open enrollment.  I toured a nearby charter school and found they include foreign language, arts and music in their regular school day, things my neighborhood school only offers in after school enrichment classes.  The charter school also has a pretty good API score, but it is well below average based on demographics.   So, what to think?  Is my neighborhood school teaching to the test at the expense of other subjects? Are the charter school students lagging behind on basic skills? I'd love for Baby M to learn a second language and be well-versed in the arts.  At the same time, I want to support my neighborhood school and allow Baby M to make friends who live nearby.  After reading this book, I will spend a little more time researching the curriculum used by the schools and observe some classes in each.  I still have least a year before Baby M starts kindergarten and plenty of time to find that all elusive "good school."