Time to Wean

So at 16 months, we are officially done breastfeeding. I know some women find this a sad milestone, but I am pleased to be finished. I enjoyed breastfeeding, but nursing a toddler was really starting to wear me down. At 13 months Baby M still nursed every 2-3 hours and I was having trouble keeping up my weight (I know, some of you are saying nice problem). Plus the hormones associated with breastfeeding were causing some other troubles which my OB/GYN summed up as "60 year-old vagina." But most importantly, the frequent nursing was affecting my relationship with Baby M. I resented his constant whining and tugging on my shirt. When he wasn't nursing instead of playing with him I just wanted a few minutes to myself.

I tried to start weaning him at 13 months, but he was not ready. He became extremely clingy and refused to eat solid food. At the end of November I noticed he had a renewed interest in food so I started limiting his nursing sessions. I went from feeding on demand to feeding him 4 times a day-- morning, before each of his 2 naps, and before bed. (We had stopped nighttime feedings a few months prior.) This change was the most difficult of the weaning process. We spent a lot of time outside and away from home so that Baby M could keep nursing off his mind. If he was really insistent or feeling bad I would go ahead and nurse him, but eventually we were consistently nursing 4 times a day. Then, serendipitously, Baby M dropped his second nap, so we were down to 3 times a day. Dropping the nursing session before the main nap was problematic since Baby M has always needed to be nursed to sleep. I tried replacing the nap with a drink, a story, rocking, nothing worked. Ultimately, I started planning car/stroller rides around his naptime, which worked, but now he must be in the car or stroller for his nap. It's okay for now, but I'd like to get him in his crib for naps eventually.

We held steady with the night and morning feedings for a few weeks as my husband and I debated which feeding to drop next. The nighttime feeding was part of his bedtime routine, would he sleep if we left it out? But the 5AM feeding usually secured an extra 30-60 minutes of sleep time for all of us, we certainly didn't want to lose that. Not being morning people, we decided to drop the nighttime feeding. Instead of nursing Baby M after his bath, my husband read him a story and tucked him in to bed. We prepared for screams of protest, but instead Baby M just rolled over and went to sleep. He didn't seem to miss the nursing at all. I was a little disappointed, but my husband was so proud of himself for successfully putting Baby M to bed.

After 2 weeks of one feeding a day it was time to drop the morning feeding. At 5AM instead of bringing Baby M back to our room for nursing and dozing in the bed I got up, played trucks with him and gave him some animal crackers to munch on (his favorite snack.) And that was that, no drama at all. Once in awhile he'll point at my chest and look at me quizzically, but I just shake my head and he goes back to whatever he was doing.

I thought I was going to make it through the weaning process without any engorgement, but after 3 days of no nursing my breasts became sore and lumpy. Not terrible, but definitely uncomfortable. Hopefully it won't last long. Now that we're not nursing constantly we have much more time for playing soccer, making playdough, and chasing the dog. I do sometimes miss the chance to sit down and relax, but I think it was definitely the right time to wean.

Caveman Baby

So Baby M is now almost 16 months old and still hasn't said a word. No "mama" or "dada", not "ball" , not even that old todler standby "no". Oh sure he makes sounds that are technically words but they are never applied consistently to the appropriate people or objects. I hear a lot of "yeah yeah yeah"'s and some "dada"'s, "yoyo"s, etc. There was a day I thought he had mastered "socks" but then it disappeared never to return.

It's quite clear that Baby M understands much of what we say. He will shake his head for yes or no, can follow simple commands like "bring me the ball" and even somewhat demeaning commands like "shake your booty." The other day while washing dishes in attempt to free my right leg from his vice-like grip I asked him to bring me a book about trucks. He promptly released my leg walked into his bedroom and returned a few moments later with the book Big Trucks. So he definitely understands language he just doesn't seem to be too interested in producing language. I guess he figures his combination of grunting, pointing, whining and tantrum throwing is working for him, so why change it? However, this mode of communication is not working for me, in fact every day it grates on my nerves just a little bit more. Especially now that he has started pointing in two directions at once and then bursting into tears when I stare back at him in confusion.

So I am redoubling my efforts to get Baby M to speak. Now, instead of handing over whatever Baby M points at, I try to get him to say something, anything, before giving him what he wants. It usually goes something like

Baby M: uunh! (points at rice on my plate)
Me: Oh you want rice? Say rice.
Baby M: mag-dah
Me: (feeds him rice)

Not terribly promising, but we'll keep trying. I also read that getting your baby to mimic silly sounds is a good way to start him on the road to language acquisition. So we started playing a game where Baby M hits my head and I say "Dong!" in a funny voice. Pretty soon he was joining in with the "Dong!" having a grand time and I felt very encouraged. But after a day he stopped making the noise and now he just hits me on the head. So I am living with a midget who grunts, throws food everywhere and whacks me on the head for fun. Whoever said toddlers are like little cavemen may have have been on to something.

You're a Mom?

Yesterday we attended Baby Z's first birthday party at her home in Pasadena. During the party Baby M needed a diaper change and so I snuck off to the baby's room to change him. Baby M does not like to have his diaper changed. He screams, he squirms, he grabs at his diaper, he rolls over, he stands up. Diaper changes are always a struggle and I dread changing him away from home.

So I was battling Baby M on the changing table when two girls around 4 years old came into the room. "What are you doing?" they asked. "I'm changing his diaper." I replied wincing as Baby M's foot narrowly missed landing in a pile of poop. "Do you know him?" they asked skeptically. "Yes, he's my son." I answered as Baby M tried to backflip off the table. The girls looked at me incredulously and said, "YOU'RE A MOM?!"

At first I was flattered and assumed that in my new Joe's Jeans I looked too young and hip for these kids to think I was a mother. But on second consideration, they probably figured anyone so obviously incompetent at diaper changing could not possibly have a child. I can only hope that Baby M's aversion to diaper changes means that potty training will be a breeze.

Zimmer Children's Museum

Last Friday my husband and I took Baby M to the Zimmer Children's Museum. The goal of the museum is to teach people about global citizenship, community responsibility, and cultural sensitivity through interactive exhibits, some of which have Jewish cultural themes. However the message is pretty subtle. This is not a junior version of the Museum of Tolerance. There are no genocides to ponder or Holocaust victims to mourn, you will have fun at the Zimmer.

In fact we had such a great time at the museum we can't wait to go back. There is a giant pinball machine, an airplane cockpit with working navigational tools, a Main Street area with shops to play in, a dress up theater, a full sized ambulance and a very cool water table. Everything is perfectly scaled to 15 month old Baby M, there is even a bounce room that is restricted to children under 2 years old. Baby M was so happy runnning around the oak tree and looking at the light-up bugs at the entrance to the Main Street exhibit that we literally had to drag him down the street into Bubbie's Bookstore and the Blue Bagel Cafe. Once we had made it through Main Street we ran into more trouble getting him out of the ambulance and away from the water table. (Okay, maybe I was the one who didn't wan't to leave the water table. It's heated and kids can use plastic dams and gates to explore how currents flow. If only they'd had one of these in my Fluid Dynamics class I wouldn't have needed all those cups of coffee to stay awake!)

It 's nice to find a place that is welcoming for younger toddlers. At 15 months Baby M is a pretty good walker, but he still topples over once in awhile and he's short enough that older kids sometimes don't see him. The Zimmer exhibits are safe and interesting for a wide range of kids and seem to be organized in such a way that the older kids don't end up trampling the younger ones. Oh, and one last plus for the Zimmer-- Free Parking!

Sick Baby

A really nasty stomach virus is going around Los Angeles, and a few weeks ago Baby M caught it. Friday night he threw up and then he threw up again Saturday morning. Unwisely, my husband and I decided to head to The Wood, a new neighborhood cafe, for Saturday brunch. Baby M threw up all over me shortly after placing our order. More vomit came out of him than seemed possible given what he had eaten that day and all I could do was hold him and grimace until it subsided. A very nice employee saw me with handfulls of soiled napkins and offered to take them off my hands. "No, no," I replied, "it's digusting." He persisted. "It's barf." That stopped him in his tracks and he brought over a garbage pail for me. After cleaning up a bit we actually stayed and ate our breakfast which was quite tasty.

We had plans to see Q-tip perform on Saturday night and ever hopeful for a night out alone we packed up Baby M and headed over to the in-laws house. We planned to eat dinner with my husbands parents and then go to the show while they watched Baby M. Baby M seemed fine, he even ate some spaghetti and peas for dinner. As we were finishing up dessert Baby M started fussing and then-- blamo! Torrents of vomit spewed out of him. This wasn't normal puking, this was the infamous projectile vomiting that you hear so much about. It was as if my son was auditioning for the remake of The Exorcist. Needless to say, we ended up skipping the concert.

The next day I came down with the bug and spent most of the day shuffling back and forth between my bed and the toilet. Thank goodness for my husband-- I can't imagine being that sick and having to care for a baby. Baby M still couldn't keep anything down and more distressing he was refusing to drink anything-- no water, no juice, no Pedialyte, not even more than a few sips breast milk. He hadn't urinated for over 12 hours. I called our pediatrician who suggested trying popsicles and said we'd need to go to the ER if he didn't start taking in liquids soon. Baby M, stubborn boy that he is, refused the popsicles too (although he was still pointing eagerly at the box of Cheerios) and so we headed off to St. John's in Santa Monica later that evening.

The St. John's staff was great, they even apologized for the 20 minutes we spent in the ER waiting room. Baby M needed IV fluids which was traumatic for everyone involved. It took my husband, myself and 2 nurses to hold Baby M down while the IV was inserted. After the IV was in he screamed at the top of his lungs for 30 minutes straight until he finally fell asleep. Even so every time he woke up he would resume screaming. We kept checking his diaper for urine and he just wasn't peeing. After 3 bags of fluids and several hours the staff sent us home telling us to come back if he hadn't peed by 6AM. Thankfully, by the time we got home his diaper was wet. He stopped vomiting and finally started taking in fluids again. A few days later he was all better. It was a rough week. A friend told me that true love is holding someone while they barf all over you without flinching. I repeatedly held Baby M while he barfed all over me, but I think I might have flinched a little. I don't think he noticed.

You've Got Mail

We have an older home with one of those mail slots that drop the mail into a box in the wall. From inside the house you lift a small door to retrieve the mail. This is a pretty nice set up because mail ends up inside the house, but not all over the entryway floor.

The mailbox has also become Baby M's favorite toys. He lifts the door, he closes the door. He takes the mail out. He puts things that aren't mail in. In the past week I have found nail clippers, a pink hippopotamus, a mini-pumpkin and some coasters in the mail box. The anticipation of mail is a big part of our day. When we hear the ca-chunk sound of letters dropping into the box we both perk up. "Should we check the mail?" I ask Baby M. He bounces up and down with glee and trots over to the mailbox. He lifts the door and happily pulls out all the letters. On cranky days I will drop in some old letters and ask him to check the mail. Sometimes we check the mail 3 or 4 times a day. Perhaps Baby M has found his calling.

Preschool Panic

I am one of the last moms in my playgroup to start looking into preschools. Many of them began touring preschools when their babies were 4 months old, and a few before the child was even born! Despite the conventional wisdom that in West LA you need to start looking at preschools before your baby's umbilical stump falls off, I told myself that I would not even start thinking about preschool until Baby M made it to the one year mark. But now Baby M is one, so its time to start figuring out the preschool process.

Women around here can get pretty crazy when it comes to preschools. I know one woman who toured 20 preschools trying to find the best fit for her son. Another woman sent a panicked email to our neighborhood mailing list when she discovered that the tours for her preschool of choice were already booked for the year. Angelenos can buy books, attend seminars and hire private consultants to help guide them through the preschool selection process. All I really wanted was a fun place not too far from home where Baby M could get used to being in a group and following directions from an adult other than myself. Of course I want the school to be safe and the teachers to be nurturing and most importantly for Baby M to enjoy his introduction to school. It seemed simple enough, but now my head is spinning-- should I go with Montessori or Waldorf? RIE or Reggio? Academic or Developmental? I know that you're supposed to pick the model that is the best fit for your child's personality, but Baby M's personality is just beginning to become evident. I have no idea what he's going to be like at 3.

My best guess at this point is that he's going to be a typical boy. Already he prefers cars to stuffed animals, points excitedly at trucks, chases balls and runs through the library screeching. I recently finished The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre. This excellent book explores the achievement gap between school age girls and boys and traces the problem back to boys earliest exposure to school -- preschool. The author convinced me that for the average preschool boy the following are key requirements:

1. Play based curriculum
2. Acceptance of noisy play
3. Acceptance of aggressive play, as long as not dangerous
4. Big classroom with room for running around
5. Blocks, balls, building toys
6. Plenty of free play in addition to instruction
7. Teachers help students with transitions between activities

I am still just beginning my preschool search, but I will definitely look for a school with these traits. Stay tuned, I'm sure there will be many more blog posts about preschool over the next year. Apparently if I don't get my name on a waiting list by the time he is 2, Baby M will end up being taught in a dungeon by a monkey.