Weaning Baby S

About 2 months ago, at 19 months, I weaned Baby S.  We did it slowly, stretching out the intervals between nursings until only the early morning session that allowed us to laze about in bed a few extra hours remained.  Then one night the boys did a backyard camp out with their dad, and that was it.   I appeared with pancakes the next morning and all thoughts of breastfeeding melted away in syrupy goodness.

I thought I'd be ecstatic.  I'd been building something of a breastfeeding bucket list-- an overnight trip with my husband, new bras, a turtleneck jumpsuit or some equally impractical outfit for nursing.  But in reality I was depressed.  I know it was the hormones.  My shift in mood was so dramatic it was nearly laughable, but it didn't make going through it much easier.   I was tired, irritable, making dinner was a struggle.  Planning for a weekend camping trip seemed insurmountable.  And it didn't help that my boobs shrank, my stomach bloated and my face broke out.  As if I wasn't feeling bad enough all ready.

So for a few weeks I self medicated with coffee and chocolate and bad pop songs (thank you Spotify).
I invented a new game called "Mommy is a rock" that enabled me to lie curled up in the fetal position on my bed without (hopefully) disturbing my children too much.  We ate a lot of pasta and Trader Joe's frozen what-not.  Two months later I am now in a much better place.

Everyone knows about post-partum depression, but post-weaning depression, although less studied, also exists.  You can find more scientific and more eloquent posts about it here and here.  But I wanted to do a quick post as well, since there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of information about the experience out there.

Walks With S

S loves walking.  He's been walking for nearly 3 months now and each step is still an exciting accomplishment.  His favorite thing is to stroll down the block.  "Outside" he shouts banging on the front door.   Once out he doesn't stop; he will wander happily for blocks and blocks.  While  M will jump in a stroller the first chance he gets, S demands "Walk!"


A walk with with S is punctuated by exclamation points.  "Yellow Flower!"  "Ant!  "Big Tree!"  And every time I correctly interpret his proclamations I am rewarded with the biggest grin ever.  Every new surface must be stepped on.  He examines thorns on rosebushes and cautions me, "Ouch!" Leaves are picked up and discarded for more interesting loot.  I envy his complete focus on the moment.  He is not worrying about where to turn at the next corner, how long it will take to make dinner or whether the neighbors will mind him walking on the lawn.  I am so grateful to have the time with him to wander, to explore, to get out of my head and into his.  Sometimes amid all the researching schools, scheduling play dates and reading about discipline tactics I forget to take a breath and simply enjoy where my children are at right now. Walks with S help me remember.

French Kids Eat Everything

So over the past year or so I've had a love hate thing going with food writing.  It started innocently enough when I read Omnivore's Dilema by Michael Pollan.  "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants".  Now that sounded reasonable.  Then I moved on to The Kind Diet and Eating Animals.  Well, my husband and I agreed, vegan seemed the way to go.  It was healthier, better for the environment and wouldn't have us supporting the truly horrific conditions that conventionally farmed animals live in.  Plus, learning that fecal contamination is officially considered a "cosmetic blemish" by the FDA pretty much put me off poultry.  Then Baby S's eczema showed up.  I started excluding other things from our diet-- gluten, dairy, soy.  I read about the Paleo Diet, the GAPS Diet, the Alkaline Diet.  I didn't know if I should be basing our meals around whole grains or completely eradicating them from my diet.  Baby S started slipping down the growth chart, my average sized baby was now in the 4th percentile.  Did he just need a big bowl of grass-fed beef broth?  Or some more adzuki beans?  I was beginning to think of food as my nemesis.  Finally I swore off reading anything else about food.  Publicly.  On Facebook.

So when the library hold I'd placed on Karen Le Billon's book, French Kids Eat Everything, came in I almost sent it back.  But I didn't and I really enjoyed this combination memoir parenting guide about a Canadian family who moves to a French village where they encounter very different ideas around how and what to teach children about food.  In France kids are taught less about what to eat and more about how to eat, namely at a table with friends and family where food can be savored.  Food is not merely fuel.  It is not a distraction or a bribe.  Food is not medicine.  Meals are not something to be squeezed in between soccer practice and bath time; they are events to be looked forward to.  And snacking between meals is nearly unheard of.  French parents believe eating well is something that must be learned.  Children are taught not only table manners, but how to describe and enjoy different flavors.  And when I say taught I mean instructed; every day schools serve their students a 3 course meal complete with flatware and cloth napkins.  Schools also have an annual "tasting week" where chefs come into the classroom and the kids get to cook and taste new foods.

Le Billon writes about moving into this culture with her young daughters who are picky, snack constantly and are used to eating lunch in 10 minutes.  Needless to say, it doesn't go well.  Finally Le Billon begins analyzing what makes the French kids such good eaters.  She comes up with a list of 10 "Food Rules" that French families follow and a plan for implementing them with her family.  The book describes her successes and set backs.  I felt a bit of a kinship with the author at this point.  I too come up with grand ideas for my improving my family's habits, have a husband who listens skeptically to my plans and a tendency to wallow in dejection when things don't go as expected.  But I am not a Rhodes Scholar or one of Canada's top 40 under 40, so that's pretty much where the similarities end.

Our family already follows (or tries to follow) many of the rules in the book.  We eat together, I don't cook separate meals for the kids and at meals we eat mostly real food.  But my kids often fill up on snacks and eat little at mealtimes.  Since they aren't hungry, getting them to sit at the table is difficult. My boys eat a decent variety of foods, but I'd still like to see them increase the number of fruits and vegetables they'll accept.  There are several tactics that I'm taking away from this book.  First and foremost I'm trying to reduce our snacking and I've been making liberal use of Le Billon's phrase "It's okay to feel hungry between meals."  I'm also trying to make our meals something to look forward to. Of course I always strive to cook things that taste good, but I'll admit there was the steamed greens and adzuki bean stew phase that was a bit of a hard sell.  We're having dessert more often, even if it's just orange slices (which I called "oranges au sirop" in my terrible French accent).  I've started asking my 4 year old to taste everything and describe the flavors without using "good" or "bad".  If he doesn't like it I reply that he just hasn't learned to like it yet and that he'll like it when he is older.  Sometimes we play a game where everyone at the table has to guess the ingredients in a dish.  I try not to rush us through the meal, even when it is already 8pm and M has school the next day.  

These changes have not cured all of our food issues.  Baby S still rummages through the pantry 5 times a day shouting "cracker!" and this week M told me that he does not like melons, apricots or bell peppers.  But M did taste all of those foods before declaring his dislike and for all his shouting Baby S only got crackers once today.  (Okay twice.  I am a work in process.)

California Science Center by Rail

Yesterday M, Baby S and I rode the Los Angeles Metro from La Cienega / Jefferson to the California Science Center.  Up until now our trips on the metro have always been more about the novelty of riding the train and less about transportation but that all changed with the opening of the new Expo line on April 28th, 2012.  Yes, we still need to drive about 15 minutes from our home to the metro stop, but once at the station it is an easy trip to the museum.  Easier, in fact, than driving up the 10 freeway, paying $9 to park and then trekking across the giant Exposition Park parking lot.  The metro stop has free covered parking and the train dropped us off right in front of the Rose Garden, just a short, pleasant walk to the museum entrance. I didn't even bring the stroller!  Trains run every 10 minutes and at 10:30am on Friday my kids and I had our pick of seats.   The 20 minute ride was just the right amount of time to entertain the kids.  We spent about 2 hours at the museum, had lunch and came back home in time for Baby S's nap.

I am actually not a huge fan of the CA Science Center (it's always a madhouse and too many broken exhibits) but I am a big fan of budget friendly outings and this one was hard to beat.  There is no charge for the CA Science Center and kids ride the metro for free so our only expenses were $3 for my metro ticket ($1.50 each way) and the 51 cents we spent for a pressed penny at the museum.   Not bad for a morning full of activity.

Purple Vans with Pink Hearts

M's favorite color is purple.  He's also quite fond of pink.  So when we walked into the Vans store and he saw a pair of purple slip ons with pink hearts, well, those were the shoes he wanted.  Now I  went into Vans shoe store to avoid the fights over $60 light up shoes and ugly shoes with plastic clone wars characters plastered all over them but now I was faced with a whole new shoe dilema.  Do I buy him the shoes he wanted despite the fact that they were clearly intended for girls or do I push him toward the classic checkered Vans?

I've tried to avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes with M.  I was never one of those kooky parents who hid his gender from people, but I've happily painted his toenails pink, watched him dance around in princess dresses and told him that yes, Queen Amidala can fight in battles just like Anakin.  (Of course when I added that girls can do anything boys can do M, ever the contrarian, replied "Can they grow a penis?")  But I balked at buying the purple shoes with the pink hearts.  First I tried distraction, "How about these shoes with the flames?"  Then I tried honesty, "I think these shoes are for girls.  You can get them if you want, but some people might make fun of you."  That didn't phase him either.  I was ready to grudgingly buy the shoes but then the salesman showed him some "ghost flame" shoes and M was sold.  Apparently 20 year old dreadlocked Jason Castro impersonators have more sway with my son than I do.

So he got the "ghost flame" shoes and we continued on with our errands, stocking up on glitter paint and construction paper.  But my reaction to the shoes still kind of bothers me.  I know if my daughter had wanted to get flame shoes or car shoes I wouldn't have thought twice about it.  It seems girls, at least at this age, have much more flexibility with their image than boys do.  I see plenty of little girls on the playground wearing Spiderman t-shirts and Lightning McQueen sneakers, but I never see any boys in Little Mermaid hoodies.  Is it because boys aren't interested in mermaids or is it because parents won't let them be?  I'd like to think that I'd be just as happy if M wanted to be a ballerina as I am that he wants to be an astronaut, but now I'm not sure.  In any case, if one day he does decide to buy the pink shoes I hope he   wears them with aplomb and that I stand behind him smiling proudly.

Aaaahh! Kindergarten

Freaking about kindergarten is something of a rite of passage for parents in Los Angeles.  Unless you happen to be blessed with a top performing neighborhood school or the contacts and cash to get into a private school you will probably spend the year before kindergarten frantically touring schools, applying to lotteries and calculating how to get more points on your Choices applications.

Since M has an October birthday I had the additional chance to agonize over whether or not to send him to kindergarten in the fall, when he'll still be 4 or to wait another year and send him when he's 5.  California's cut-off for kindergarten is moving over the next few years from December 2 to September 1, and this year M just makes the cut-off.   M is bright, socially well adapted, tall for his age.  These are not just my impressions, I've had conversations with his preschool teachers, piano teacher, other educational professionals and they all agree that he is an exceptional 4 year old who would probably do just fine in kindergarten. On the other hand, he still would be younger than most kids, doesn't have much interest in worksheets and asks A LOT of questions.  Perhaps too many questions for the average, overburdened public school teacher.

I thought I had come up with a fool-proof kindergarten plan.  I would apply to our top magnet and charter school choices, as well as schools that have 2 year or transitional kindergarten classes.  If we didn't get in anywhere we would just do a 3rd year of preschool and we'd have a chance to re-apply for kindergarten next year.  As expected, we didn't get in to any of the schools we applied to and our wait list positions were pretty dismal (at one school we were simply told that we're on page 5).  I was a bit depressed, but fine with M doing a third year of preschool.  Then the older class at M's small preschool disintegrated-- some kids got into TK, some decided they wanted a full day program, some moved, the end effect being that instead of being one of several 4-5 year olds at the school he would be the oldest kid by 8 months.  Even the preschool director agreed that this situation wasn't best for M and she would prefer to see him move on to kindergarten rather than be in an environment where he wouldn't be challenged.

This development completely blew my semi-zen attitude about schools.  No longer was I calmly saying "there are lots of good choices out there".  I was in panic mode.  I revisited our decision to delay kindergarten a year.  Although deadlines for most magnets and charters were long since passed there were a few nearby language immersion schools (Mandarin or Spanish) that we might still be able to get in.  But if I questioned whether a traditional school was going to be too much for M this year, was he really ready for a traditional school in a foreign language? We are guaranteed a spot at our neighborhood school which a few years ago seemed fine, but a new principal, a testing scandal and some grumbling by local parents has me second guessing it.  I could apply to another preschool, but I hadn't researched preschools for 3 years and had no idea which schools might be a good fit and have openings.

Thankfully, my distraught facebook post led to a few leads and we found a preschool with a 4 and 5 year old class, not too far away, with open spots.  So now M has a place to go to school and, for those of you who saw my Costa Rica post, I do not have a parasite.  All is right in again in the world.

Costa Rican Family Vacation

So we're back from our week long vacation in Costa Rica.  It was fun, but as I struggle through my tenth day of unspeakable digestive tract issues, awaiting lab results to find out if my parents were right and I did in fact catch a parasite in Central America, I'm having a hard time being upbeat about the place.  And then there was our 12 hour flight delay with a unplanned, luggageless overnight stay in San Jose, the fire ants that attacked Baby S, and the night we had Pringles for dinner.  However, if I think back to the first half of our trip, Costa Rica actually was a lovely place to visit with kids.

We stayed just outside Manuel Antonio National Park in a beautiful modern home with a pool overlooking the Pacific.  It was a bit of splurge, but we split the house with another family and were able to get a good deal on the pricing.  It was definitely worth it to have a kitchen, air conditioned bedrooms and a pool.  With 3 kids under 5 we spent a fair amount of time at home for naps and just chilling out and it's much easier to relax sitting next to your private pool overlooking the jungle than in a cramped hotel room.  A few of the trip highlights...

Manuel Antonio National Park- we took a guided hike from the inland park entrance to the beach, Playa Espadilla Sur.  Our guide had a scope to point out animals and we saw monkeys, toucans, sloths, crabs and frogs.  Without the guide we wouldn't have seen anything.  Most of the time even knowing where the animals were perched I couldn't see them without the scope.  The hike was a bit long for the kids, but still enjoyable and the beach was gorgeous.

Damas Island Mangrove tour- this boat tour through the mangrove trees could have been called the "everybody gets a monkey on their head tour".  The mangrove lined canals were beautiful and peaceful and there were plenty of birds to watch, but feeding the monkeys bananas and watching them climb on the kids was definitely the highlight of the tour.  Our boat driver even knew which monkeys to visit-- at one point he steered the boat away from some hungry simians saying "not these guys-- they're mean."  The kids loved it!

Dominical- we spent most of our time in Quepos and Manuel Antonio, which are fine towns, but cater to traditional tourists.  It was a nice change to spend a day in Dominical a small, funky surf town with lots of hostels and people we jokingly referred to as "the Others" wandering about.  The dark sand, rocky beach was wide and empty mid-morning.

Rainmaker - the hike through this small rainforest reserve has a series of hanging bridges as well as a shallow stream and waterfalls you can cool off in.  If I hadn't been so sick I would have really enjoyed this shady walk through the jungle.  As it was, I ignored all warnings of bugs and poisonous dart frogs and laid down in the middle of the trail for a little nap.  The entrance fee included a "tipico" lunch (beans, rice, shredded chicken & tortillas) and fresh squeezed guyabana juice.

El Avion - We had lunch in this restaurant housed in an old cargo plane.  Good food, nice view and the kids had a blast pretending to fly the plane.  Large and kid-friendly, it's on the main road in Manuel Antonio.

El Arado - Our favorite restaurant in Cost Rica-- we came here for dinner and breakfast.  The friendly women who work in the kitchen will cook you up whatever you feel like, although if Saltin, a kind of seafood stew,  is on the menu order it-- you won't regret it.  I also recommend the fresh squeezed watermelon juice. On the old road between Quepos and Manuel Antonio.

The Old LA Zoo

We love going to Griffith Park and though it is a huge park with tons to do we tend to go to the same places over and over. Weekdays we usually head over to Travel Town for train rides and on the weekends we typically have brunch at Trails Cafe followed by a hike up to the observatory.  We never manage to make it to the carousel, the pony rides, the bat cave,  Shane's Inspiration , etc.  So a few weekends ago we decided to mix it up.  We still had brunch at the Trails Cafe (I cannot pass up their granola and coffee) and then we took a short drive to the other side of the park to check out the Old LA Zoo.

The original LA zoo was built in 1912 and closed in 1965 when the new zoo, also in Griffith Park, opened . The cages and enclosures from the old zoo are still in place and it's fun to hike around and let your kids pretend to be zoo animals.  They can growl in the bear enclosure and rattle the bars of the old iron cages animals were kept in before we knew better.  Although many people talk about the area being secluded and hard to find, it's actually just a short walk from the parking lot and right next to a big grassy picnic area.  In fact, in an inspired bit of party planning, there was an animal themed birthday party going on with a bunch of 3 year olds with painted faces running around in the cages.  I'm sure the parents ended up with some very cute pictures.  And further up the path, in some creepier looking abandoned cages we found a local band taking some promotional photos.

The Old LA Zoo is near Shane's Inspiration Playground.  Drive past the playground so that it is on your left.  A parking lot will be on your right. Keep following the road until it dead ends.  You can park for free at the end of the road and then off to your left (facing the barricade) are the stairs to where the old zoo is.

MOMS Club of Marina Del Rey and Mar Vista

If you've read any of my posts from when M was an infant you know that I had my struggles adjusting to parenthood and staying at home.  Really, what new mom doesn't?  One of the best things I did to help me get through that period, and actually every new phase of parenting since then, was to join my local MOMS Club chapter.  I tried out a few different classes, playgroups and meet-ups, but the moms I really ended up clicking with were those in the MOMS Club.  The families I met through the club are now our close friends-- the ones we vacation with, the ones who I count on to watch the boys in a pinch and the ones I call when M doesn't get into that charter school we were hoping for.  And the club now has a web site -- The MOMS Club of Marina Del Rey and Mar Vista.  So check them out!  If you live in the neighborhood consider joining.  And either way,  I really encourage any stay at home parents out there to find a group to be a part of.  Staying home with children can be wonderful, but it can also be frustrating, exhausting and lonely.  We all need people we can count on who can understand what we're going through.

Eczema Part 3: The Allergist

So last time I posted about Baby S's eczema we were seeing a naturopath, avoiding gluten and doing some homeopathic remedies.  After 6 weeks of brown rice pasta and mealy gluten free bread Baby S's cheeks were still a red mottled mess.  We returned to the naturopath, hoping to get the okay to pick up some bagels on the way home, but instead were instructed to stay off gluten and eliminate about 20 other foods from our diet.  The 6 page list included corn, avocados, lentils, dairy and more.  I decided I just couldn't do it.  So after a 2 week binge where I ate absolutely anything I wanted, we proceeded to meet with an allergist.

The allergist did a scratch test which revealed Baby S is allergic to dairy, eggs, peanuts, dust mites and dogs.  So we are back to eliminating problematic foods.  We also ditched our down pillows, bought allergenic covers for our mattresses, started vacuuming daily and sent our dog for a 3 week vacation at my parent's house.  We're using coconut oil and CeraVe cream on his skin.  After 3 weeks Baby S's face was nearly clear.  It had been so long since his face had been smooth and just wanted to rub my cheeks against his all day long.  No toddlers pointed at him shouting "boo-boo".  No well meaning strangers told me I just needed to buy a tub of Aquaphor.  A week ago Baby S caught the stomach flu and the eczema flared up again, but it is starting to subside and I am hopeful that this new regime will keep it under control.

M's Busytown Birthday!

M turned four this week and I can't really justify calling him "Baby M" any longer, so from here on out it's just "M".  For his fourth birthday party we decided to do a "Busytown" theme.  M loves the Richard Scarry books and is a bit obsessed with the show Busytown Mysteries.  Now every year I say I'm going to make it easy on myself and just take M to PartyCity and make him pick out a pre-packaged theme, but I just can't bring myself to do it.  I spend too much time looking at sites like ohdeeoh and Pinterest and keep forgetting that I am not that crafty or patient.

Case in point: here is the inspiration for one of our party activities

and here is how it actually turned out

You will notice I did not get out my jigsaw and fiberboard to create the cutouts.  In fact, I did not even bother to cover up the copy on cereal boxes.  Minus 1 for me, I should have at least glued some construction paper on the back of the boxes.

Anyway, if you are looking for the gold standard of Busytown Birthday parties, check out this post over on stitch/craft.  It's a really beautiful party. But if you are looking for some ideas that the average, lazier, Type-B parent can pull off you have come to the right place.

We had our party outside at a local park, so we didn't have a lot of decorations.  We had the "town" and figures for the kids to play with.  I photocopied the pages out of What Do People Do All Day and The Adventures of Lowly Worm, glued them to the back of cereal boxes and stuck them on the end of the table.  I purchased the figures online; we had Huckle, Sally, Lowly, Mr. Fixit, Hilda Hippo, Pig Will and Bananas Gorilla.  I put out a few of our Richard Scarry books so that guests who weren't familiar with Busytown would have some context.  We had crayons and coloring pages from the Hello Busytown! coloring book for guests as well.  Although I must admit none of these activities were nearly as popular as the Stomp Rockets that we decided to bring along at the last minute.  No connection to Busytown, but the kids were lining up to launch them while the coloring pages blew around in the wind.

When it was time for cake we surprised our guests with a mystery.  We gathered everyone around the table and then opened the cake box to reveal not a cake, but a picture of Goldbug with a note that read

It's the Mystery of the Missing Birthday Cake!

It's a Busytown Mystery just for you!  To find your cake follow the clues!  

For your first clue, ask where would Lowly go?  He likes to play tic, tac toe

At first the kids were a little confused, but we had rehearsed this game with M a few weeks prior to the party so he knew what was going on.  He led all of his friends over to the Tic Tac Toe board in the park where a friend of ours was waiting with a picture of Lowly and another clue.  The kids had to go to 4 different locations in the park and eventually ended up back at the table where we had the actual cake waiting for them.  I wasn't sure if this game would work, but it ended up being lots of fun and I cannot tell you how cute it was to see a line of 20 kids running around the park chanting "Cake! Cake!" 

My mother-in-law is an excellent and adventurous cake maker and volunteered to make us a Huckle cake.  Since we were at the park and didn't have a cooler big enough to hide the cake she wrapped it as if it was a present and hid it in plain view.  When the lid was removed the sides fell down to reveal the cake.  (My mother-in-law probably could pull off an ohdeedoh worthy party).

In our favor bags we had mini magnifying glasses, little notebooks that I decorated with Busytown stickers (which came with the Hello Busytown! coloring book), party blowers and pretzels.  M loved his party and even his friends who had never heard of Busytown had a great time.

Eczema Part 2: The Naturopath

So I kept waiting to write a follow up post on Baby S's eczema.  I was hoping that if I tried enough treatments sooner or later I would find some lotion or change to my diet or strange folk remedy and I could come back to the blog and write "Hooray!  Baby S's skin is clear!  Here's the solution!"  Well, that has not happened, although I did try a lot treatments.  I eliminated dairy, soy and caffeine from my diet.  I tried various creams obtained from the corner drugstore, the herbal pharmacy, even the Indian Market.  Everywhere Baby S and I went some well meaning stranger claimed to know a miracle cure-- everything from rubbing Baby S's cheeks with banana peels (which I tried) to peeing on his face (which I did not).

In my previous post I noted that the eczema did not bother Baby S much.  That is no longer the case.  During the day he does okay, but at night he thrashes around and scratches at his cheeks.  He wakes every few hours and I pat or nurse him back to sleep. I cut and file his nails constantly but still wake to bloody sheets.  I pledged I wasn't going to use the steroid cream anymore, but seeing him so uncomfortable led me to start using it again.  The cream did help some, but even after using it for 10 days straight his skin was still red and mottled so that 's when I decided I needed to seek out additional help.  Our pediatrician and dermatologist just weren't cutting it.

Yesterday we went to see a highly recommended naturopath.  I'm generally not into alternative medicine, but since conventional medicine wasn't helping I decided it was worth trying.  The doctor took a detailed history and observed Baby S's behavior.  Because Baby S's eczema is primarily on his cheeks, as opposed to the more classical presentation on the elbows and knees, the doctor believes the root cause is related to diet or digestion.  And it is true that Baby S has had problems with constipation and still spits up frequently.  The naturopath  recommended we eliminate gluten from our diet (for 6 weeks - ugh!), add daily probiotics, multi-vitamins and cod-liver oil for Baby S.  He gave us a prescription for a homeopathic remedy and Tamanu oil to use topically.  I really hope this will help Baby S.

Threats and Sighs

So we've been having a little problem with Baby M for the last week or so.  At three and a half he has started biting.  He never bit anyone before, but now he does.  Hard.  And he doesn't let go until you physically unclamp his jaw from your arm.  On the plus side, he only bites my husband and me, but really, is that much of a plus?  We ask him why he is biting and he replies "I don't know."  We've told him biting is unacceptable, that it hurts us, that he should use his words, that if he is angry or frustrated he can bite a pillow.  None of these statements have had any effect. He bites seemingly without cause or provocation.  Yesterday he leaned over and bit me while we were eating dinner.  Tonight he bit my husband while getting into the bath.  I suspect that he is biting because he feels he's not getting enough attention, and we are doing our best to spend dedicated time with him, but we still really would like the biting to stop.

Today I was sitting on the couch with the boys and I saw Baby M lean in for the bite.  Tired, angry, tangled up with Baby S and unable to move away I said, "If you bite me you cannot play your Super-Grover game on the computer." (I'd told him he could play it after lunch.)  He paused for a moment and then sunk his teeth into my wrist.  In theory I don't believe in threatening children, especially with "consequences" completely unrelated to the problem behavior.  But in practice?  Well, stuff happens.  But today I was reminded why I try not to use threats.  As soon as I said "Ok, no computer game" he started the tantrum to end all tantrums.  He screamed and cried for about an hour (apologies to my neighbor with the open house).  The tantrum I could handle, but then he told me "The thing that will make me stop biting is if you let me play a game."  Not exactly the message I was going for.  Later that night I overheard Baby M relating the episode to my husband.  His explanation of what happened was "Mommy took away my game to make me frustrated because I made Mommy frustrated when I bit her."  Again, not really the lesson I wanted him to learn.  Furthermore, Baby M bit my husband about 15 minutes prior to this conversation, so aside from not teaching him anything useful my threat didn't curb the problem behavior either.

I'd like Baby M to learn that biting is wrong because it hurts people and understand that hurting people is wrong.  I'd like him to learn to express his feelings and ask for what he needs.  I am just not sure how to teach him this. I talk about treating people with respect. I try to label his own and other's feelings.  Our number one house rule is that we do not hurt people or animals.  I just do not know what to do.  Sigh.

The Dining Passport

Baby M is not a terrible eater, but he is not a great eater and I'm always looking for ways to get him to eat a wider variety of foods. The Dining Passport is a clever idea that I got from Family Fun Magazine.  The passport is a booklet your child can record all of his culinary adventures in.  We kept ours very simple.  I punched holes in a bunch of 3 x 5 cards and strung them together.  Then we printed out flags from around the world at the CIA website.  Whenever Baby M eats an ethnic meal he gets to paste the nation's flag onto one of the cards and I write in the date and a few details about the meal.  Then we look up the country on the globe and see how far it is from Los Angeles.  I've found this is a terrific way to expand Baby M's diet.  He really loves getting to paste new flags into his passport, so much so that he'll gladly eat falafel or dosa or other foods that might normally be rejected.  And as a bonus, he is learning a bit of geography at the same time.  So far his passport contains flags from Egypt, Morocco, Italy, Mexico, Thailand and India.

Road Trip

Last weekend we took a road trip up to Northern California to visit family.  I was not looking forward to 8+ hours in the car with a 7 month old and a 3 1/2 year old, but it seemed preferable to spending $1000 and navigating the airport with 2 kids, 2 car seats, a stroller and all the other junk we end up taking when we travel. 

Happily, the trip went better than expected.  We left early in the morning and both kids were still too sleepy to be uncooperative.  We stopped for breakfast, lunch and a few breaks along the way.  Both boys slept a fair amount.  To keep Baby M occupied I had checked out a bunch of children's books on CD from the library, but our CD player stopped working half-way through the trip. (Mysteriously, it is now working again which leads me to wonder if the malfunction was just part of my husband's plot to listen to 4 hours of The.Best.Saxophone.Podcast.Ever.)  Luckily for us driving up the 5 freeway provides plenty of entertainment for preschoolers.  Some of Baby M's favorite games:
 
Find My Foot
Raise Your Hand If You See Train Tracks
Hey, That's a Windmill
Cows: CAFO or Pasture

Admittedly not the most stimulating pastimes for me, but definitely better than the hours of whining that I had anticipated.  I'm hoping by the next road trip Baby M will be ready for some more challenging car games, maybe License Plate Bingo, 20 Questions or one of these car games from Travelhacker.

A Baby Eating Solids Means No Time To Blog

Well, obviously not, but now that Baby S is eating solids I certainly feel like my entire day is spent prepping meals, feeding and cleaning up after my family.  Around here mealtimes are a messy, messy business.  Sometimes I will walk by a woman in the park or at the mall and she'll have her baby propped up in the stroller and a jar of sweet potatoes perched on her knee.  The mother will offer up a small spoon of orange mush and the baby will obligingly open her mouth, gum it, swallow and then open up for more.  Invariably the baby will be dressed in something white and her bib is really just an accessory because there WILL NOT BE A SPOT OF FOOD ON IT!  How is this possible?  

The minute I put Baby S in his high chair he becomes a miniature many-armed Hindu God grabbing spoons away quicker than I can wash them. When I sit down to feed Baby S I bring no less than 5 spoons with me.  Baby S actually does enjoy his food, but he and I have not mastered the dance that is feeding.  Sometimes he leans forward too eagerly and bumps his head on the spoon. Sometimes he turns away at the last moment and gets a cheek full of peas.  Sometimes he decides to practice blowing raspberries while eating and sprays pureed pears all over my face.  And it doesn't help that he requires a thumb chaser after each bite.  As soon as the spoon comes out, in pops the thumb.  Before each new bite I extract a sticky, gooey thumb from Baby S's mouth.  After a few spoonfuls Baby S's face and hands are covered in food, along with my face, the walls and floor.  Food dribbles down his chin, leaks under his bib and stains the neckline of his shirt.  We go through this process 3 times a day, along with the requisite clothes changing and clean up.  Once Baby S is fed, I proceed to feed the rest of us, who are generally, but I must admit not always, a bit neater.

The Mess Bed

For the past few months Baby M has been telling me that his toddler bed is "not comfortable".  I figured this was just another one of his bedtime stalling techniques, along the lines of "I need some icy water" and "my feet are cold."  But perhaps his bed really is not comfortable because last week he took matters into his own hands and made himself a "mess bed." He took every stuffed animal he could find (which is at least 30) and spread them out in the middle of his bedroom floor.  He pulled his pillow and blankets off his bed and slept on his mattress of toys.  He's been sleeping there every night for the last week and claims his mess bed is eminently more comfortable than his regular bed.  He's going to bed without much trouble and sleeping through the night so I'm not going to mess with it.  A messy bedroom is a small price to pay for a full night's sleep.

A Good School

Now that Baby M and most of his friends are safely ensconced in suitable preschools, the hot topic is "where are you sending him for kindergarten?"  Parents are on a never-ending quest for a "good school."  I have heard the words "good school" thrown around so much in the past months that they have lost all meaning.  Is a good school the one with high test scores?  Involved parents?  An arts focussed curriculum?  A lawn?  Mostly white kids?  Any school that is not part of LAUSD?  Depending on who you talk to it could be any of these.

So when I saw Diane Ravitch on the Daily Show talking about the state of public education, I decided to pick up her new book The Death and Life of the Great American School System.   Diane Ravitch is a historian of school reform and served in the Education Department under the George H.W. Bush and Clinton administrations.  Her book provides an in depth look at the last 20 years or so of school reform. Interestingly, many of the policies she once advocated for-- testing, accountability, choice and markets--  she has now reversed position on.  As she explains in the book, her views changed as she "saw how these ideas were working out in reality."

The main point of the book is that market based and data driven reforms will not help, and quite possibly are hurting the quality of our public schools.  She uses several case studies and, somewhat ironically, test scores to illustrate her point.  Indeed, one problem with data is that depending on how you slice it, it can be used to show schools are or are not improving.  Ravitch convincingly makes the case that by obsessing over scores on standardized tests of the most basic math and reading skills, we are leaving our students unable to do much more than fill in a bubble on a multiple choice test.  They are "unprepared to lead fulfilling lives, to be responsible citizens and to make good choices."  And by using those scores exclusively to evaluate schools, teachers and administrators will teach only the test material, will manipulate who takes the test or will cheat in order to keep their jobs.  She argues that by creating a market for schools, we create winners and losers as the most motivated students and families flock to charter schools and neighborhood schools are left with unmotivated or problem students.  Instead of citizens linked together by a school, we are consumers, each looking out only for our own interests.  She writes, "The market, with its great strengths, is not the appropriate mechanism to supply services that should be distributed equally to people in every neighborhood in every city and town in the nation without regard to their ability to pay or their political power."  She does see a role for religious, private and even charter schools, but one that does not drain away the best students from public education.  Her prescription for fixing schools includes a well-defined comprehensive liberal arts based curriculum, an inspection based assessment method for schools and teachers, well-educated teachers and extra help for disadvantaged families.  This was a fascinating book and if you are at all interested in education policy I highly recommend it.

So what does this all mean for me and my search for a "good school"?  Well, I've always felt strongly about the importance of neighborhood schools.  And I was all set to attend my local school with its pretty good API score (but very good based on demographics), diverse student body, involved parents and new playground equipment.  But then I thought I should do some due diligence and learn about my other options-- charters, magnets, open enrollment.  I toured a nearby charter school and found they include foreign language, arts and music in their regular school day, things my neighborhood school only offers in after school enrichment classes.  The charter school also has a pretty good API score, but it is well below average based on demographics.   So, what to think?  Is my neighborhood school teaching to the test at the expense of other subjects? Are the charter school students lagging behind on basic skills? I'd love for Baby M to learn a second language and be well-versed in the arts.  At the same time, I want to support my neighborhood school and allow Baby M to make friends who live nearby.  After reading this book, I will spend a little more time researching the curriculum used by the schools and observe some classes in each.  I still have least a year before Baby M starts kindergarten and plenty of time to find that all elusive "good school."

Giving Away My Baby Names

We're done having kids.  I've given away my maternity clothes, the bassinet, the newborn outfits and the swaddle blankets.  But you know you're really done having kids when you give away your baby names.  You know, the names you alway kept to yourself, the ones that you were paranoid someone else might use.  So here they are,  my gift to you, the list of names for the girl baby we never had.  Please use one of them, really, it will make me happy.

Charlotte - I know this is a popular name (#45 according to the SSA database, and I'd guess it ranks even higher in West LA) and I'm sure that it wormed it's way into my consciousness via Sex and the City, but I still love it.  And for all her neuroses, Charlotte was the kindest of the SATC girls.

Clara - I always liked the idea of naming my child after a literary character, but had a hard time finding a worthy character with an appealing name.  Clara was one of the main characters in Zadie Smith's White Teeth.  She was wise, funny, imperfect and determined.  As I read the book I kept thinking, "Clara, now that's a nice name".  Plus with historical namesakes Clara Barton and Clara Bow you can't go wrong.

Mathilda - Okay, yes, I admit, this name pick was totally inspired by Heath Ledger and Michelle William's daughter.  But once in awhile celebrities do come up with a winner.  I like it best with the "h"  since it lends itself to the cute nickname Hildie.

Penelope - Penelope has so many great things going for it.  It's sound is unique, but not weird.  No one will ever get your name confused at Starbucks.  And if you are looking for pop culture references, it really doesn't get much better then Penelope. Penelope was Punky Brewster's full name and Inspector Gadget's clever niece (Penny).  You could sing your daughter Penny Lane as a lullaby.   And don't forget about Penelope Widmore on Lost.  Whenever Desmond said Penny's name there was so much love and heartache in his voice that I wished I was named Penny.

Sally - A few years ago I watched all of the episodes of BBC's Coupling and was surprised at how well the name Sally worked for a grown woman.  But, if I'm totally honest, this name choice was probably influenced more by Richard Scarry's Sally the Cat on Busytown Mysteries than anything else. Anyway, the name Sally is friendly, spunky and a little old fashioned.

Tamsyn - I could never sell my husband on this one, but when we first started talking baby names I had my heart set on it.  He thought it was weird and that people would shorten it to Tammy.  I thought it was unique and that we could always use Tassie if we wanted a nickname.  And I thought it would go so well with the name of our hypothetical son, Joss.  He thought it would sound ridiculous with our son who would obviously be named Chad.  It's actually kind of amazing that we ended up agreeing so easily on the names for Baby M and Baby S.

So that's the list.  No extra boy names, I always found male names much harder to come up with.  And no, I was not planning on having 6 daughters.  I just like having options.

Baby S's Eczema

So Baby S has eczema.  We're lucky in that it doesn't seem to bother him too much and for the most part it is confined to his cheeks.  At the same time, it is bad enough that strangers will ask me "What's wrong with his face?"  and I've been putting off getting his pictures done until it clears up.   The thing about eczema is that pretty much anything could cause it.  Is it the detergent I'm using?  The food I'm eating (Baby S is exclusively breastfed)?  Our dog? Our non-organic cotton sheets?  The weather?  Although most doctors believe only a small number eczema outbreaks are caused by food allergies, most moms I talked to seemed to think certain foods aggravated their kid's eczema.  I tried going off dairy for 2 weeks (my brother did, in fact, have a milk allergy growing up, so it seemed a good place to start).  Baby S's skin didn't really improve, but I questioned myself constantly.   Did his skin look a little less red?   A little more red?  I switched to soy milk and his skin seemed worse, did he have a soy allergy?  He was particularly fussy after I ate grapefruit, maybe citrus is the cause?  I could easily drive myself crazy and end up eating nothing but brown rice and avocados.

After changing our detergent, lotions and soaps, going off dairy and slathering Baby S with calendula ointment for weeks with no improvement we finally saw a dermatologist.  He diagnosed Baby S with eczema and a mild bacterial infection and gave us Mupirocin ointment for the bacterial infection, Fluticasone cream for the the eczema and told us to use Cetaphil or Aquaphor on the rest of his body to help ensure the eczema didn't spread.  Baby S's skin cleared up within a week of using the creams, but as soon as we stopped the eczema came right back.  The dermatologist put us back on the Fluticasone cream and told us to slowly wean Baby S off it, switching from twice a day to once a day to Aquaphor only over 3 weeks.  So that's what we're trying now.

I know about the risks of using steriod creams and I am not thrilled about using them--  skin damage,  reduced ability to fight skin infections, permanent discoloration, etc.  My pediatrician is also not thrilled.  In fact, at Baby S's 6 month check up she urged me to stop the cream immediately and "see what happens".   I hate it when you get conflicting advice from doctors.  Her position is that eczema is a symptom of something happening internally and the steriod just covers up the problem, it doesn't solve it.  A valid point, but I also want my baby to be comfortable and, vain as it sounds, I want to see his cute smiling face unmarred by crusty red patches.  Or at least I'd like his skin clear long enough to get a nice photograph.  So, I booked his portrait session for a few days from now and afterwards we'll start weaning him off the steriod cream.  If the rash comes back I don't think will do another round of Fluticasone, we'll stick to baths and lotions and do our best to manage.