3 Day Potty Training - Kinda

So I've been meaning to write a post about potty training Baby M.  About 3 weeks ago I finally took plunge and committed to getting him potty trained.  A friend of a friend had success with Lora Jensen's 3-day Potty Training Method so we decided to give it a try.  I should note that the friend tried the method a week later without much success, but by that point I had already bought the e-book, blocked out the 3 days on our calendar and stocked up on underpants so we decided to go for it.  It's probably also worth mentioning that we had tried a more "child-directed" version of potty training a few months prior.  We made the potty available, bought cool underwear and encouraged Baby M to wear them for a few hours on the weekends.  That process ended up with Baby M ripping off his underpants, attempting to diaper himself and more or less stating that the potty was not for him.  After taking a few months off, I decided it was time to try something a little more "parent-directed."

The general idea  of the 3-day method is that you put your child in underpants 24 hours a day, ask him to tell you when he needs to use the potty and rush him to the toilet the minute he starts to go in his pants.  This pretty much requires you to be next to your child around the clock.  If he has an accident you don't reprimand or make a big deal about it, but you do reward any bit of success with praise, stickers and/or prizes.  (I know this completely contradicts my whole Unconditional Parenting philosophy which eschews rewards as well as punishments, but I decided 3 days of praise and rewards wouldn't scar Baby M for life.  Plus, I really wanted him out of diapers before Baby #2 came along.)

I knew staying home for 3 days straight was going to be difficult for us-- Baby M and I go out at least once and usually twice a day.  We have classes, play dates, parks to visit, shopping etc.  So I prepared.  I stocked up on food, planned art and cooking projects, and recorded new TV shows for him to watch.  I thought I had at least 2 days worth of activities planned.  Well, four hours into Day One I was out of activities.  Those first three days were rough.  Baby M went through 8 pairs of underpants a day.  He begged to go to the park.  He said he couldn't figure out how to poop sitting down (his preferred method was standing).  Even though he had been waking up dry for weeks he started wetting the bed, sometimes twice a night.  And even if he didn't wet the bed he would wake up crying hysterically at 4am and want to be carried around the house like a newborn.  

At the end of the 3 days, though he had made progress, I would not claim to anyone that Baby M was potty trained.  The number of accidents was way down but he hadn't pooped for 2 days, and his sleep was still a mess.   So I wrote the Lora Jensen helpdesk for advice.  The e-book purchase includes free online mentoring and here is where the $24 I spent on a 50 page e-book really felt worth it.  I received a prompt, encouraging response with some explicit techniques to deal with the problems we were having.  Some of them were a little odd (I could not bring myself to tell Baby M that Mommy's poops were lonely in the toilet and needed some company) but they were effective.  By Day 7 there were no more daytime accidents and now, 3 weeks later, we only have the occasional nighttime accident.  Baby M is still not sleeping great, but his sleep has always gone in phases, so I'm not sure how much of that we can attribute to potty training.  Overall, I'm pleased with the method and results and am glad that we got through the worst of it before the new baby arrives.

Potty Training Pressure

For the past few months whenever anyone asked me about potty training I'd (truthfully) reply that my pediatrician said not to bother starting until Baby M was two and a half.   I cited recent research showing that the biggest predictor of success for potty training is when you start, optimally between 24 and 32 months.  But as more and more of Baby M's playmates made the switch to underwear I started feeling the pressure.  My in-laws gave me a DVD on potty training. Huggies started sending me coupons for Pull-Ups instead of diapers. I just kept repeating  my mantra-- "two and a half, two and a half."  But now Baby M is just days away from from the 30 month mark and the pressure is on.

The potty is not a new concept to Baby M.  We've had a little green Ikea potty in his bathroom for months.  We talk about the potty and what goes it in.  We've read all about how Elmo uses the potty.  But Baby M has no interest in using the potty himself.  When I notice that he is about to have a bowel movement I ask if he wants to sit on the potty and he says, "No, I'll just go in my diaper."  When we talk about how babies poop in diapers and big boys poop in the potty he is always sure to add, "but sometimes big boys pop in a diaper."  When I ask him if he wants to learn to use the potty he brushes me off saying, "Maybe in the summertime."

And to be honest, I am just as ambivalent about potty training as he is.  I don't relish the idea of being confined to the house so that we can sit on the potty every 30 minutes.  I don't want to carry a potty with me in addition to the snacks, toys and whatever else it is that I lug around in my ridiculously heavy diaper bag.  And then there is the extra laundry, upholstery and carpet cleaning that will undoubtedly result from the process.  Most importantly, I don't want to get into a battle of wills with Baby M.  I know I will lose.

So I think I may delay a little longer.  I've still got 2 more months before we hit the 32 month deadline, after which point he will be more likely to suffer ongoing urge incontinence issues.  And it is starting to get pretty warm outside, so maybe in a few weeks I can convince Baby M that it's the summertime.  Although the last time I asked him about learning to use the potty he said, "Maybe when I go to preschool in the fall."  Hmmm.... I can't imagine where he gets this tendency to procrastinate from.

Potty Training is the New Breastfeeding

Last week I went to my local library's toddler story time. It was packed. Baby M and I were sitting on the floor happily singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" when the woman sitting next to us, just inches away, pulled a little red potty chair out of her bag. She proceeded to pull off her daughter's panties, sit her on the potty and exclaim happily when she produced. Then the woman stood up, lifted the alarmingly full bowl of urine over my head and walked to the bathroom to dispose of it.

Now I know that potty training is difficult process and I understand not wanting to take your child to a public bathroom (although I've been in that library bathroom and it's exceptionally clean), but couldn't she have taken her daughter to the corner of the room? Or at least somewhere where she wouldn't have to navigate a room full of dancing toddlers while carrying a bowl full of pee? Yes, it was probably preferable to a puddle of pee on the floor, but I would have voted for moving away from the crowd, even if it involved a bit of fussing from my kid.

I mentioned this incident to a friend and she laughed and said, "I guess potty training is the new breastfeeding." She has a point. Some of us (including myself) nursed our children whenever they were hungry, wherever we were. I nursed in libraries, restaurants, even on the Wild Animal Park Safari Train without apologies. I was discrete, but I certainly didn't run off to the bathroom or cover myself with a tablecloth when it was time to nurse. Maybe with potty training you just have to whip out the potty when your kid needs it, no matter where you are. Of course what do I know? I've been sitting Baby M on the potty for 2 months now before his bath and when he asks to go (well the one time he asked to go), and we haven't seen a drop in that potty yet.