The 5 Stages of Potty Training Regression

So, in my last post I noted that Baby M was no longer having daytime accidents.  We've had a bit of a regression since then.  He is now pooping his pants once or twice a day.  He still happily pees in the potty and generally wakes up dry, but he has no interest in getting his poops into the potty.  He will run behind the table where I can't reach him and insist he's not pooping while I try to convince him to come with me to the bathroom.  He poops his pants at the park, at school, at home, whenever he gets the urge. Oddly, he abhors wet underpants but doesn't seem to mind having poop in his pants at all and will go on about his business until I drag him kicking and screaming into the bathroom.

This has been going on for a little over a week and I have passed through all 5 stages of potty training regression.

Denial - Initially I convinced myself it was just a one off accident or a bad day or a few bad days...

Anger - I am not proud to admit that I yelled.  I waved poopy underpants in his face.  I told him he couldn't wear his favorite pirate underpants because they were covered in f@#*-ing poop.  Then I felt like the worst mother in the world, cried and apologized.  It was not my finest moment.  In fact, it was probably my worst parenting moment ever.

Bargaining - I brought the sticker charts back out, I promised trips to Travel Town, as the days wore on I threatened to take away his 30 minutes of TV time (which I did but it was harder on me than him and didn't make a difference anyway).

Depression - I looked back at my schizophrenic behavior over the past week, at the way I did all the things I said I wouldn't do, the things every book and web site tells you not to do, and wondered why the heck I was having another child when I couldn't even manage a week of poopy underpants without a major freak out.  I also ate a lot of ice cream.

Acceptance - I bought a tub of Oxiclean and a bucket for soaking poopy clothes. I keep my diaper bag stocked with plastic bags.  I realize there is no way I can force Baby M to poop in the potty. If I can't fight it, I might as well prepare for it.  I now simply praise him for using the toilet, remind him that poop goes in the potty and try to keep everything clean with as little drama as possible.  At some point he will decide pooping in his pants is not worth the trouble of getting cleaned up.

I don't know what, if anything, brought on the regression.  Maybe the novelty of the potty wore off.  Maybe Baby M saw how upset all the poop was making me and liked getting a response.  Maybe it's a delayed reaction to starting preschool or an advanced reaction to the impending birth of his brother.  Hopefully my new Zen attitude will encourage him to go back to the potty.  If not, you should seriously consider investing in Oxiclean, because at 2 poops a day, we're going through a lot of that stuff.

Potty Training Pressure

For the past few months whenever anyone asked me about potty training I'd (truthfully) reply that my pediatrician said not to bother starting until Baby M was two and a half.   I cited recent research showing that the biggest predictor of success for potty training is when you start, optimally between 24 and 32 months.  But as more and more of Baby M's playmates made the switch to underwear I started feeling the pressure.  My in-laws gave me a DVD on potty training. Huggies started sending me coupons for Pull-Ups instead of diapers. I just kept repeating  my mantra-- "two and a half, two and a half."  But now Baby M is just days away from from the 30 month mark and the pressure is on.

The potty is not a new concept to Baby M.  We've had a little green Ikea potty in his bathroom for months.  We talk about the potty and what goes it in.  We've read all about how Elmo uses the potty.  But Baby M has no interest in using the potty himself.  When I notice that he is about to have a bowel movement I ask if he wants to sit on the potty and he says, "No, I'll just go in my diaper."  When we talk about how babies poop in diapers and big boys poop in the potty he is always sure to add, "but sometimes big boys pop in a diaper."  When I ask him if he wants to learn to use the potty he brushes me off saying, "Maybe in the summertime."

And to be honest, I am just as ambivalent about potty training as he is.  I don't relish the idea of being confined to the house so that we can sit on the potty every 30 minutes.  I don't want to carry a potty with me in addition to the snacks, toys and whatever else it is that I lug around in my ridiculously heavy diaper bag.  And then there is the extra laundry, upholstery and carpet cleaning that will undoubtedly result from the process.  Most importantly, I don't want to get into a battle of wills with Baby M.  I know I will lose.

So I think I may delay a little longer.  I've still got 2 more months before we hit the 32 month deadline, after which point he will be more likely to suffer ongoing urge incontinence issues.  And it is starting to get pretty warm outside, so maybe in a few weeks I can convince Baby M that it's the summertime.  Although the last time I asked him about learning to use the potty he said, "Maybe when I go to preschool in the fall."  Hmmm.... I can't imagine where he gets this tendency to procrastinate from.

Potty Training is the New Breastfeeding

Last week I went to my local library's toddler story time. It was packed. Baby M and I were sitting on the floor happily singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" when the woman sitting next to us, just inches away, pulled a little red potty chair out of her bag. She proceeded to pull off her daughter's panties, sit her on the potty and exclaim happily when she produced. Then the woman stood up, lifted the alarmingly full bowl of urine over my head and walked to the bathroom to dispose of it.

Now I know that potty training is difficult process and I understand not wanting to take your child to a public bathroom (although I've been in that library bathroom and it's exceptionally clean), but couldn't she have taken her daughter to the corner of the room? Or at least somewhere where she wouldn't have to navigate a room full of dancing toddlers while carrying a bowl full of pee? Yes, it was probably preferable to a puddle of pee on the floor, but I would have voted for moving away from the crowd, even if it involved a bit of fussing from my kid.

I mentioned this incident to a friend and she laughed and said, "I guess potty training is the new breastfeeding." She has a point. Some of us (including myself) nursed our children whenever they were hungry, wherever we were. I nursed in libraries, restaurants, even on the Wild Animal Park Safari Train without apologies. I was discrete, but I certainly didn't run off to the bathroom or cover myself with a tablecloth when it was time to nurse. Maybe with potty training you just have to whip out the potty when your kid needs it, no matter where you are. Of course what do I know? I've been sitting Baby M on the potty for 2 months now before his bath and when he asks to go (well the one time he asked to go), and we haven't seen a drop in that potty yet.