Library Books

Baby M and I go to the library nearly every week and in the past I have spent a fair amount of time carefully picking out books for him.  I'd wander the children's section while Baby M played with blocks, looking for the perfect mix of books-- a variety of artistic styles, some with simple text and some with rhymes, some about trains and some about children from foreign lands.  If he expressed an interest in turtles I would find a book about a turtle.  But now that Baby M is two and a half and Mr. Independent he insists on choosing his own books to take home.  I am pleased that he is interested in books and reading, but I am not always happy with some of the lessons that the books he chooses impart.  Here are a few ideas found in some of the books Baby M has picked up that I could do without

1. Vegetables are yucky and should be fed to the nearest pet dinosaur
2. There are scary monsters in your closet, under your bed and peeking in your window at night
3. Ice cream is a good reward for just about anything
4. Little brothers are annoying
5. "Shut Up"
6. Girl trucks talk too much and might just be insane, while boy trucks are bent on destruction, or at a minimum, getting really dirty

Now I understand that some kids already think vegetables are yucky or that monsters are hiding in their bedroom, but I would really like to avoid introducing these concepts to Baby M if I can.  Sometimes when reading I'll change the story around, but then worry if I am hurting his literacy skills by not reading the words on the page.  Sometimes a book will mysteriously "get lost".  I still pick out books for Baby M and try to sneak them into his pile, but somehow The Stupids Take Off  always ends up on the top of the stack.

So how about it?  Have you ever been surprised by a message in a children's book?  How do you handle  it when you dislike the books your child chooses?

Baby M's Top 5 Toys for Toddlers

By request, here are Baby M's top toys for toddlers.  Baby M is two and half years old.  His interests include trucks, dirt, sticks, trains and dinosaurs.   So these are Baby M's favorite toys.  The ones he continues to play with week after week.  The ones that haven't broken after 2 hours and the ones that I haven't felt compelled to hide for my own sanity.  And, in case you were wondering,  I do not receive any free toys, coupons or any other sort of compensation from anybody.

Step2 Sand and Water Table
Baby M got this sandbox for his first birthday and he continues to play with it daily.  I am amazed at how much time he can spend happily digging, scooping and splashing.  Even better, he is quite content to play alone so that I can get a few things done.  The toy is not perfect; my patio is perpetually covered with sand and I need to re-purchase sand a few times a year.  Also, abandon any hope you have of the sand and water being sides staying separate.  If your child is anything like Baby M you will have 2 sections of muck within minutes of setting it up.  That being said, I highly recommend this toy.  It would be my desert island toy, if desert islands didn't already come with ample amounts of sand and water.




Animal Planet's Big Tub of Dinosaurs
Baby M loves dinosaurs and this set comes with 9 plastic dinosaurs,  a play mat, trees, rocks and volcanoes that you can set up to create a prehistoric world.  Baby M always wants to know the names of the various dinosaurs (actually by now he knows more of them than me!) and I like that this set prints each dinosaur's name on its belly.  Baby M and I set up the volcanoes and have the dinosaurs play hide and seek, look for food, play soccer, etc.  I also enjoy eavesdroping on Baby M when he plays with this toy alone.  His dinosaurs have all kinds of conversations, they usually go something like

T-Rex: Hey!  Are you a hungry, hungry herbivore?
Stegosaurus : Yes, I am
T-Rex: Roar

Crayola Sidewalk Chalk
Baby M likes to draw and I just send him outside with this chalk so he can color all over the driveway to his heart's content.  I like this set from Crayola because the chalk is nice and thick, doesn't break easily and there is a good selection of colors.  If we're feeling like being active we'll draw out a game of hopscotch.  If I think Baby M needs some intellectual stimulation we'll practice letters or draw a rainbow and talk about colors.  Sometimes we just draw squiggles.  I think because we can draw things on such a large scale and because we're doing it while we're outside he finds it more interesting than sitting at the kitchen table with a box of crayons.  (And I don't have to worry about crayon ending up all over my table, walls and hardwood floors)



Thomas and Friends Wooden Railway
So yes, it does seem every little boy loves trains and Thomas in particular.  We never really watched the show, but all it took were a couple Thomas and Friends books and trip to Travel Town to get Baby M on board.  We started with this oval set and then bought a few other pieces (a tunnel, some additional tracks, a Rosie Engine and a singing caboose).  Now our set up is still pretty simple but Baby M is seems happy with it.  I actually wouldn't mind having a few more pieces since I'm the one who usually ends up constructing the track and I'd like a little variety.  Once the track is built, Baby M is content to push the trains around yelling out "Uh oh, Rosie derailed!" every so often.  The wooden pieces are sturdy and go together easily, although I do know some parents who have spent a small fortune building out their sons' collections.


Bristle Blocks
We actually have a 50 piece Bristle Block set by Lakeshore Learning, but I'd love to have a larger set like the one shown here.  Baby M has several building toys that he enjoys playing with and they all have their merits, but the Bristle Blocks are my favorite.  Baby M can put these blocks together without any help from me and because you can connect them on nearly every surface it's easy to build complicated structures.  Baby M builds cars, airplanes, helicopters, robots, etc.  Also, unlike many of the building sets, the blocks do not specify what he is supposed to build, so they encourage his creativity.

A Trip to Sea World

Last week my mother and I took Baby M to Sea World.  Growing up in San Diego I took a lot of school field trips to Sea World.  It was basically a zoo for aquatic animals-- a few aquariums, tanks for dolphins and sea lions, the Penguin Encounter, some corny shows, the Sparkletts Water Show and, my favorite, Captain Kids World.  Captain Kids World was a playground with nets to climb on, giant bounce houses, and a maze of full size punching bags where inevitably a 12 year old would barrel through leaving a string of injured 3 year olds in his wake. 


It's been at least 15 years since my last trip to Sea World, and while much of it has stayed the same (the Penguin Encounter, the dolphin tanks), it definitely has more of an amusement park feel now.  The park has added a roller coaster, a raft ride and replaced most of Captain Kid's World with the Sesame Street Bay of Play.   They've also updated their ticket prices so that they are more Disneyland and less zoo.  An adult ticket costs $69, kids tickets (ages 3-9) are $59 and parking is $12.  It's definitely worth searching out discounts.  We got 20% off our tickets by showing our Southwest Rapid Rewards card and thankfully, Baby M, being under 3, was free.  Also, you cannot bring food into the park, so plan on buying your lunch or heading back to your car for a picnic.  I did bring in some snacks for Baby M and no one objected.


We got to the park around 10:30 and ended up waiting 30 minutes just to get into the park.  Buy your tickets in advance if you can.  We started out at The Sesame Street Bay of Play, which has Sesame Street themed rides and characters as well as some of the climbing nets from the old Captain Kids World.  Baby M enjoyed the spinning teacup ride and getting his picture taken with Elmo, but I have to admit I kind of miss the old unbranded, non-motorized, probably more dangerous playground that I grew up with.  We hit most of the exhibits breaking them up with lunch, the sea lion show (still as corny as ever) and the 4-D theater presentation of Sesame Street's Lights, Camera, Imagination.  The 4-D theater shows movies in 3-D but also has squirting water, vibrating seats and air jets.  Baby M managed to keep his 3-D glasses on and enjoyed the show, happily yelling out "I need an umbrella!" when it started "raining" in the theater.  There was one scary moment involving a giant flying cookie, but overall he did really well sitting through the 20 minute movie. 


We had fun at Sea World and since Baby M is particularly interested in sea creatures (and still free!) it was a great time for us to go.  But it was also a long and tiring day.  We were there for 8 hours on a hot day during Spring Break.  Some of the exhibits were crowded and the shows were very full. Baby M was pretty good about riding in the stroller, but still needed to be carried through some exhibits.  I'm definitely glad we went  but I don't feel a need to back again until he is older and can get more out of the shows and rides.

Potty Training Pressure

For the past few months whenever anyone asked me about potty training I'd (truthfully) reply that my pediatrician said not to bother starting until Baby M was two and a half.   I cited recent research showing that the biggest predictor of success for potty training is when you start, optimally between 24 and 32 months.  But as more and more of Baby M's playmates made the switch to underwear I started feeling the pressure.  My in-laws gave me a DVD on potty training. Huggies started sending me coupons for Pull-Ups instead of diapers. I just kept repeating  my mantra-- "two and a half, two and a half."  But now Baby M is just days away from from the 30 month mark and the pressure is on.

The potty is not a new concept to Baby M.  We've had a little green Ikea potty in his bathroom for months.  We talk about the potty and what goes it in.  We've read all about how Elmo uses the potty.  But Baby M has no interest in using the potty himself.  When I notice that he is about to have a bowel movement I ask if he wants to sit on the potty and he says, "No, I'll just go in my diaper."  When we talk about how babies poop in diapers and big boys poop in the potty he is always sure to add, "but sometimes big boys pop in a diaper."  When I ask him if he wants to learn to use the potty he brushes me off saying, "Maybe in the summertime."

And to be honest, I am just as ambivalent about potty training as he is.  I don't relish the idea of being confined to the house so that we can sit on the potty every 30 minutes.  I don't want to carry a potty with me in addition to the snacks, toys and whatever else it is that I lug around in my ridiculously heavy diaper bag.  And then there is the extra laundry, upholstery and carpet cleaning that will undoubtedly result from the process.  Most importantly, I don't want to get into a battle of wills with Baby M.  I know I will lose.

So I think I may delay a little longer.  I've still got 2 more months before we hit the 32 month deadline, after which point he will be more likely to suffer ongoing urge incontinence issues.  And it is starting to get pretty warm outside, so maybe in a few weeks I can convince Baby M that it's the summertime.  Although the last time I asked him about learning to use the potty he said, "Maybe when I go to preschool in the fall."  Hmmm.... I can't imagine where he gets this tendency to procrastinate from.

Raising Freethinkers

I just finished reading Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief by Dale McGowan. I read Parenting Beyond Belief a few years ago; it's a series of reflections on non-religious parenting written from a variety of perspectives, everything from "spiritual but not religious" types to those in interfaith marriages to militant atheists. I enjoyed that book so when I heard there was a sequel out I decided to take a look.

Raising Freethinkers is more of a practical parenting guide and, despite having several authors, the perspective is relatively unified. The message is pretty middle of the road-- lots of calls for tolerance, the Unitarian church and letting kids make their own choices. The book's format makes for a quick read. For each major topic there is a 2-3 page introduction followed by a Q&A section and a list of related activities and resources. Topics range from how to build critical thinking skills to the value of religious literacy to sexuality. Most of the activities are geared towards older kids (ages 6 and above), so there weren't a lot of projects for me to do with Baby M right now. The resource lists, however, are exhaustive-- books, web sites, organizations with a secular bent for every conceivable topic. Looking for tips on planning a funeral for a goldfish? Got it . Alternative organizations to the Boy Scouts? Check. Toys that teach kids about evolution and natural selection? No problem. I checked the book out of the library, but I'm considering adding it to my parenting library for the resource lists alone.

I should note that so far it has not been very difficult being a non-religious parent. I live in Los Angeles, not Utah. There are plenty of non-religious activities and groups here to be a part of. I don't have any terribly religious relatives pushing traditions on me and my husband and I are more or less in sync when it comes to morals and ethics, celebrating holidays and the lack of religion in Baby M's life. That being said, there are things that religion does seem to make easier. I can see how it would be nice to have the shortcut answer "because God says so" to certain questions. Trying to explain why lying is wrong to a 2 year old can be difficult. And when Baby M asked why peacocks have big feathers it certainly would have been quicker to say "because God made them that way" instead of going into an explanation of mutation and natural selection. Raising Freethinkers does a good job of giving non-religious parents some ideas and techniques for discussing these sorts of complex ideas with children.

McGowan also points out that there are some things non-religious parents might want to take a cue from the devout on. Organized religion does a very good job of supporting the members of its community. It creates a space where everyone can work together to teach common values to their children. I can see the benefit of my child being around other adults who regularly talk about the importance our our family's values -- honesty, respect, responsibility, fairness and compassion (yes we do have them, just because we don't go to church doesn't mean we don't have values). Also, religions have built in traditions to mark and celebrate milestones. I may not want to throw Baby M a Bar Mitzvah, but it might be nice to acknowledge and celebrate his eventual transition to adulthood, noting both its benefits and responsibilities. Raising Freethinkers gives ideas and suggestions on how to incorporate community and ritual into a secular family.

The book gave me a lot to think about, most of which will probably just get filed away for later as I deal with the more pressing issues of potty training, nose picking and getting Baby M to eat something other than Kashi cereal. Seriously, he is addicted to Kashi cereal. Last night he was talking in his sleep, chanting "More Kashi cereal. More Kashi cereal." At least I know he's getting enough fiber.

Kid's Music, Train Music, Finger Dancing Music

About a year ago I visited a friend whose toddler was addicted to kid's music. Not good kid's music. Not a variety of kid's music. One CD of kid's music. The kind of kid's music that gives kid's music a bad name. There were no clever lyrics a la They Might Be Giants no catchy tunes from The Sippy Cups, no duets between Perry Farrell and Deborah Harry. There was one chirpy woman over enunciating "This Old Man" accompanied by a piano and, I'm not kidding, a recorder. You just knew this woman had buggy eyes, an extra wide grin and probably a "fun" hat. But for whatever reason the child loved this music. The CD had to be playing the moment the car started and it was the only music he allowed in the house. During the pauses between songs the boy would panic, apparently convinced he would never hear that cloyingly sweet voice again. I left the long weekend with "Trot Old Joe" on an endless loop in my head and a renewed commitment to avoid exposing Baby M to kids music.

To be honest, I never really understood the need for kids music. I grew up listening to my parents old Beatles albums and the Grease soundtrack. Why couldn't Baby M just listen to the music we enjoyed? He seemed to like it well enough. Then one day we were in the car and Nine Inch Nails came on the radio. "What's this song all about?" Baby M asked. "Animals", I said and left it at that. But Baby M did get several age appropriate CDs for Christmas (Jazz for Kids, Sesame Street Playground, and A World of Happiness).

Lately, however, Baby M has become more discerning in his musical tastes. He likes "Train Music" and "Boat Music" but not "People Music" or "Dancing Music" (although "Finger Dancing Music" is approved.) Unfortunately I have not been able to crack his classification system. For "Train Music" I tried songs about trains. I tried songs with train whistles in them. I tried songs with drum beats that sounded like the clickety-clack of train cars. I even tried a song by the band Train. None of those worked. Then yesterday we were driving in the car and Baby M cried out "This is Train Music!" Turns out "Love Cats" by the Cure is Train Music. Who knew?

Fire Truck Museum

Today we went to the LAFD Historical Society museum in Hollywood, aka The Fire Truck Museum. If your kid is into fire trucks, this is a great place to visit. The museum is located in Old Fire Station 27 which was built in the 1930’s and for many years was the largest fire station west of the Mississippi. Inside you’ll find antique fire trucks, ambulances, hoses, etc. They even had some of those big nets for catching people with the red bull’s-eye in the middle; apparently they don’t only exist in cartoons.

The first floor has all of the big trucks and equipment, along with a display of miniature fire trucks behind glass. Sadly, the kids are not allowed to climb on the trucks. Upstairs there are more exhibits and a large room with toy fire trucks and dress up uniforms for the kids to play with. Baby M and his good friend Baby F killed about 2 hours running around the museum and playing with the toys. It’s worth noting that there were only 3 or 4 trucks in the play area, possibly a problem if more than a few kids show up. Today it was just us and one other child, and, oddly enough, the Daughters of the American Revolution, who were using the upstairs meeting room. The museum staff, mostly made up of retired firemen, was very friendly and gave the kids free plastic fire hats to take home with them. And as a bonus for us moms, there are also active firemen hanging around which is nice if you get tired of looking at trucks and ladders.

The museum is open Saturdays only from 10am – 4pm and is free, although a $5 donation per adult is requested. I found free street parking less than a block away without too much trouble and there were plenty of metered spots available as well.