Pretend City

A few weeks ago we drove down to Irvine to go to Pretend City.  This children's museum is an interconnected "city" where kids can pretend to be everything from a fireman to a farmer.  There is a pretend fire station, post office, restaurant, hospital, supermarket, construction site, beach, farm and theater.  All of the exhibits include appropriate props and costumes.  Additionally, there is a large water table and a well stocked arts and crafts room.  The museum is relatively new and everything was clean and in good condition.  At 3 years old, Baby M was in heaven.  He spent a lot of time pretending to be a dispatcher in the fire station, served me about 20 plates of spaghetti in the restaurant, worked the sound and light board in the theater and got to hold a real live chick at the "farm."

Irvine is a bit of a drive for us, but my mother lives in San Diego so Pretend City was the perfect half-way meeting point.  Aside from being a chance for us to visit, it was great to have my mother around to do some of the pretending (4 hours of make-believe play with Baby M is pushing it for me).  She also watched Baby M while I fed Baby S in the nursing room.  The nursing room is equipped with a glider rocker and since there aren't a lot of quiet places to sit in the museum, it's a nice amenity.  We had lunch in the cafe, which was the only real disappointment-- it's just a group of tables, a microwave, some vending machines and a woman selling sandwiches and salads out of cooler. Our sandwiches were fine, but next time we'll probably pack a lunch.

There are a few padded play areas for little ones, but Pretend City is really best for kids between 2 and 8 years old.   Tickets are $11 per person (free for babies under 1 year), but you can get a 2-for-1 admission on the second Friday of every month here.  If we lived closer I'd consider getting a membership.  We were in the museum for 4 hours and Baby M could have stayed longer, plus the museum has a full calendar of events and classes.

So how is it with 2 kids?

Before I had Baby S I worried about how I'd do with two kids.  Would I have enough patience, attention and energy to go around?  Would Baby M regress?  Would my house completely fall apart?  Would we ever take a vacation again?  Was a second child a bad idea?

Well I'm happy to report that two kids is fine.  Better than fine.  Great even.  I'm not one to wax poetic about the happiness of children, but having two kids is pretty wonderful.  Now it may just be that I am on a double upswing of the happiness curve (according to studies parental happiness climbs from birth to six months and again after age 3) and I'm going to come crashing down again in a few weeks, or maybe it's a hormone fueled, sleep deprivation mirage, but for now, I am really enjoying having two.

On the Baby S side, the second time around I am so much more relaxed, that I can really enjoy every little cuddle, coo and funny expression.  I'm not obsessed with tracking how often he's nursing, peeing and pooping.  I'm not compulsively reading sleep books trying to figure out an optimal sleep routine.  And I don't have time to get bored with the monotony of caring for an infant.  There is no spinning him around in an office chair 10 times a day in order to improve his spatial reasoning like I did with Baby M.  I'm just  making funny faces and stealing kisses between playing Thomas the Train and coloring pictures with my 3 year old.

On the Baby M side, I appreciate how far he has come in just 3 years.  He can talk and reason, run and climb.  All the things I can't do with Baby S yet.  And I can't describe the warmth I feel when I see Baby M act lovingly towards Baby S-- bringing him a toy, singing him a song, talking to him about the bunk beds they will share someday.  I'm getting glimpses of what I hope will be a strong sibling relationship.

Of course everything is not chocolates and roses.  I'm still tired.  I don't get enough time with my husband.  I spend an inordinate amount of time doing laundry.  My three year old whines a lot and seems hell bent on destroying my home.   The baby is teething.  He doesn't sleep through the night.  But at the end of the day I know without question that it's all worth it.

My New Favorite Breakfast Recipe

Baby M adores pancakes, but I generally don't have enough time or energy in the morning to make a big batch.  Plus, traditional pancakes are not the healthiest way to start the morning.  I love the recipe below because it is easy, healthy and Baby M gobbles them up.

Oatmeal- Banana Pancakes
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 banana mashed up
1 egg
1/4 cup skim milk
1/4 - 1/2 tsp cinnamon

Mix everything together and cook on a lightly greased skillet.  Makes about 4 pancakes.

Today I added a handful of frozen blueberries and used soy milk instead of regular milk and they came out great.

Letting it All Hang Out at the UCLA Language Lab

I took Baby S to the UCLA Language Lab to participate in a study this week.  I'd been to the lab before with Baby M, but this was Baby S's first trip to campus.  As with my previous visits, a grad student met us at the parking garage and escorted us to the lab.  The researcher explained the study to us, I answered a short questionnaire about the languages spoken in our home and Baby S got his picture taken for a certificate of participation.  We also go to pick out a baby T-shirt as a thank you gift for our participation.

The goal of this study was to determine when babies begin to distinguish their own language from other languages.  Baby S and I sat in a small, dark room while recordings of people speaking English and Japanese played.  The researcher watched us over a video feed and recorded whether or not Baby S paid attention to the voices.  I wore head phones blasting Frank Sinatra tunes so that I wouldn't inadvertently influence Baby S as I held him in my lap.   About 2 minutes into the session Baby S let out the loudest, smelliest fart ever.  It was so loud I could hear it over Frank belting out My Way.  Then Baby S proceeded to have an explosive bowel movement. It was one of those situations where you marvel at how much noise, odor and poop one tiny baby can produce.  I held him, grimacing, and tried to decide if I should stop the study or not.  These experiments are usually pretty short so I thought we could just tough it out, but it kept going on and on and on.  The Way You Look Tonight.  Luck Be A Lady.  The Girl From Ipanema.  All punctuated by loud noises from Baby S's bottom.  Eventually the researcher came out from behind the curtain and told us we were done.  I don't know if they'll be able to use our tape or not, but at least they'll get a good laugh watching it.

TV 2.0

A few weeks ago Baby M's Waldorf-inspired preschool asked him for his favorite part of the day.  He replied it was when he got to watch a video.  I was horrified, but now I've decided I am giving up my guilt over Baby M's TV viewing.  He watches an hour of TV a day, pretty much every day and he loves it.  Whenever anyone asks me about TV I usually justify it with "He doesn't nap" or "I am selective about what he watches."  Which are both true, Baby M is regularly up for 13 hours a day straight, so even with an hour of TV he is still spending more time playing, drawing and exploring than many of his 2-hour napping peers.  And now that we primarily watch videos over Netlix instant download it's easy to limit his choices. We generally stick to Busytown Mysteries, with the occasional Kipper or Thomas thrown in.

Of course, just because I've come to terms with 60 minutes of TV time a day doesn't mean that Baby M has.  He always wants more.  I've written before about trying to manage Baby M's TV habit, but now that he is nearly 3 and a half his strategies are getting more sophisticated.  He still makes use of the tried and true whiny tantrum, but he has also started trying to charm me ("I'll watch a show and you can take a nap in your bed") , argue with me ("It's just a short one") or reason with me ("My brain is already ruined").  At least I know the message that TV is bad for his brain is getting through.

I'll admit it, I'm one of those parents that has a hard time saying no. So I kept trying to find the perfect approach that would make limiting the TV easy.   I tried coupons.  I tried TV only at certain times.  I tried a fixed number of shows.  But no matter what strategy I tried, Baby M wanted more TV.  Or Kideos on the iPhone.  Or YouTube videos on the PC.  Nothing made it easy. Ultimately, I just had to pick a rule and stick to it.  I know, this is Parenting 101.  But when it's so easy to make the whining stop and when a nap for me is part of the package, saying no can be pretty difficult.  But I did eventually do it. I decided one hour of TV a day, any time after breakfast and before dinner.  He can use that hour however he wants-- two Busytowns, one Sesame Street, any show approved by me.   He can break it up or use it all in one sitting, but when it's used up the remotes get put away.  Baby M still whines about the TV every day, but now that he knows I won't budge he gives up after 5 minutes or so and finds something else to do.  And, goofy as it sounds, I feel a little bit proud of myself every time he does.

Raising Happiness

 Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps For More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents is my new favorite parenting book.  I checked it out of the library a few weeks ago and found myself marking so many passages to photocopy that I finally decided to just purchase my own copy of the book.  Christine Carter, the director of UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, draws on the latest research and her own experience to come up with a succinct guide on how to raise not only happy children, but ones that are kind, grateful and self-motivated.  Not surprisingly, part of the recipe for happy children includes happy parents, so there are also plenty of tips on how to increase your own happiness and create a joyful family environment.

If you've read books like NurtureShock or Unconditional Parenting the science covered in Raising Happiness will not be new, and Carter does not spend a lot of time rehashing the research, she is more interested in the conclusions and how we can apply them to our parenting practice.  The thing that this book does amazingly well is offer specific advice while providing enough flexibility to tailor the recommendations to your family.  If saying a prayer before dinner as part of a gratitude practice doesn't work for you, how about a toast?  If you can't volunteer with your child, maybe you can pick up trash at the park together.  So many parenting books are either so rigid you feel that one misstep will doom your child for life or else so nebulous that you can't figure out how to apply any of their suggestions.

Initially I was a little put off by the book. The first chapter draws heavily on Carter's experiences as a working mom and I was starting to wonder if her tips would apply to parent who stays home.  Especially when, in a section on building a good relationship with your partner, she wrote "busy couples with kids and two full-time jobs don't have sex less than couples with a stay-at-home parent."  As if I have nothing to do other than lay around in lingerie thinking sexy thoughts.  Anyway, despite the shaky start, I was totally won over by the end of the second chapter. Raising Happiness is organized into short chapters, with sub-headings and "Try This" sections that make finding the information you're looking for easy.  She only employs one acronym (ERN - empathy, reason, non-controlling language) which is actually simple enough for me to remember and make use of when dealing with my 3 year old.  Plus, she recognizes that kids may respond differently to her tactics.  She actually includes an example where labeling a angry child's feeling does not diffuse the situation, but instead prompts him to shout "I AM NOT FRUSTRATED.  I AM HAPPY!"  So many of the examples in this book spoke to my own experience, from being bored while playing with my son to chaotic dinner time situations.

Since the book is about creating a happy and fulfilling family situation, its messages are relevant to families with infants all the way up through the teenage years.  Once you are beyond the books on when to introduce solids and how to get your baby to sleep (I read plenty of those!) I highly recommend picking up Raising Happiness.

Two Kids Means No Time to Blog

Sorry for the long absence.  With 2 kids there just never seems to be time for the blog.  One or the other always needs my attention and in the rare moment that they are both occupied (or sleeping) there is laundry, cooking, cleaning, or episodes of True Blood to be watched.  And if I ever try to do any writing while they're awake the baby starts crying and the three year old demands to watch a YouTube video (curse you Peppa Pig!)  But, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about this blog, so here are a few things that I really wanted to blog about but never got around to

-- How well Baby M has adjusted to his new brother and how much I love the fact that he makes plans for their future together (Halloween costumes, sleeping arrangements, who gets to ride shotgun in their first car)
-- How much more I'm enjoying Baby S and whether it is because I know he's probably my last baby or because I'm more comfortable taking care of a newborn or simply because he doesn't cry for 8 hours a day
-- Despite never wanting more than 2 children, why it is so hard to say that I'm done having babies?
-- My fear that Baby M will never develop empathy (after a disturbing incident involving a fire truck and a friend's head)
-- My ridiculous guilt over not starting Mommy & Me classes with Baby S yet
-- How can adding one person to the family quadruple the amount of laundry I need to do?

And, perhaps most importantly,
-- In going for a lower maintenance hairstyle, did I inadvertently give myself "mom hair"