Trash Truck Day

This past weekend we attended the West LA Bureau of Sanitation Open House. My husband didn't understand why I wanted to go this event, but once we got there both he and Baby M had a blast. There were several trash trucks and street sweepers on display and kids could work the controls (with assistance from the employees), sit in the trucks, honk the horns and even go for a ride in one of the smaller trucks. Baby M liked working the controls at the back of the truck, but he got a little scared when he was sitting in the truck and the arm started lifting. It was noisy and the truck shook. I think next year when he is a little older he will LOVE it.

The truck yard on Stoner Ave was crawling with toddlers-- chasing the sassy blue recylcing bin robot, eating free hot dogs, dancing to the oldies and just having a great time. Baby M especially loved the miniature blue trash bin he won playing bean bag toss. He even slept with it. (Along with a stuffed Elmo, stuffed Santa, a fire truck, a dump truck and 2 blankets. The crib is getting a little crowded.) This was a great event and it is so nice of the city to sponsor it and for the employees to volunteer their time. We are already looking forward to next year; every morning Baby M looks at me and says "Trash Truck Day?" He can't wait.

Happy or Good?

I just finished reading Richard Weissbourd's book The Parents We Mean To Be: How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development. Despite the rather didactic title, I found the book thoughtfully written and full of valuable insights.

To be quite honest, I think I'm doing a pretty good job of raising a moral child. Yes he is not quite two yet so I haven't had many challenges with regard to morals, but once becoming a parent I did become very aware that Baby M is watching me to learn how to treat other people. And I think becoming a parent made me into a better person. Overnight I became the guardian to the elderly. I help them locate lost cars in the Target parking lot. I assist them down steep inclines after painstakingly following a sidewalk leading to nowhere (I'm looking at you Marina Del Rey Barnes & Noble!) At any rate, I was not expecting to see myself in any of the well-intentioned, but achievement crazed, sports obsessed, Dimpies (Doting Indulgent Modern Parents) described in the book. So I was surprised when I started questioning my parenting philosophy only two chapters in.

Weissbourd describes a study in which children were asked to rank the importance of being happy, being "a good person who cares about others", achieving at a high level and having a high-status career. Two-thirds of the children ranked happiness above being good and the same number predicted that their parents would also value their happiness over goodness. This is not terribly surprising, after all, as parents don't we always say, "I just want him to be happy"? It never occurs to me to say "I just want him to be good." To see if I was alone in this view I asked my husband, "Would you rather Baby M be sad and good or happy and evil?" After a moment my husband answered "happy and evil." Shocked, I probed a little further and determined that we had different definitions of "evil." I was picturing Hitler and he was picturing... well something less than Hitler. Of course, we both agreed that we want Baby M to be happy and good and that the question I had posed was unfair. Still it bothered me that this question of happiness and goodness was so difficult to answer for us.

In general I have a "say yes" parenting philosophy. I figure that there are so many things that Baby M will want that I must say no to-- playing with that electrical outlet, eating the delicious looking rat poison, riding in the front seat of the car-- that when he wants something that I can say yes to, even if it is inconvenient, I should try to make it happen. I stay an extra 5 minutes at the park. I let him pull all the CD's off the shelf. And even after reading this book I don't think that we should deny our children simply so that they can experience disappointment nor do I think this is what Weissbourd is implying. However I have to wonder what message I am sending if Baby M sees me repeatedly making sacrifices for his fleeting happiness. Is this showing him that I value his thoughts and feelings or is it showing him that I value his feelings to the detriment of my own? Am I inadvertently sending him the message that he should pursue his own happiness at that expense of others?

This book raised many interesting questions that I could go on about, but my number one reader has no patience for long blog posts. In fact, I think he'd prefer these updates in 140 character bursts. So instead I will just suggest you read the book and let me know what you think.

Feeling Lazy

So yesterday while aimlessly surfing the web and wondering why I wasn't doing something more productive I came across this interview with Mayim Bialik. You probably remember her as Blossom from the early 90's TV of the same name or maybe you saw her as the young Bette Midler in Beaches. Anyway, Blossom has ditched her pal Six and the floppy hats and is now a baby-wearing, home-birthing, granola-making mother of two. Just reading about her life tires me out.

Not only does she cook vegan and kosher meals for her family. She nurses her children until they self wean (the older one weaned around age 2), makes her own shampoo and practices elimination communication. If you're not familiar, EC is a technique where you watch your infant for signs that he needs to go the bathroom. Then you hold him over the toilet. She has been holding her son over the toilet 10 times a day since he was 2 days old! Oh and she also auditions and does some grant review work in her spare time.

Mothers like Mayim Bialik are amazing, and I admire them, but I'm starting to feel a bit like Peg Bundy. When Baby M was an infant, opening a can of soup was about all I could manage and even now we eat a little too frequently from Trader Joe's freezer aisle. I took a stab at potty training, but am too impatient, or selfish or lazy to sit next to him on the potty 3 times a day. Other moms in the neighborhood seem to have vaccination schedules memorized, their kids in multiple toddler programs and are already calculating their LAUSD "points" for getting into the kindergarten of their choice.

Not only do I find the logistics of managing all these tasks unwieldy, I also find them kind of unnecessary. My doctor knows the vaccination schedule and I trust her judgement. Baby M is happy going to the park and the occasional Moo Moo Musica class, does he really need a structured program at 20 months old? Why should I spend hours figuring out the labyrinthine LA Unified system when my local school is perfectly fine and within walking distance? Besides, if I was cooking and researching and sitting next to the potty all day how would I ever find time to keep up to date on the cast of Blossom?

Headless

Baby M woke up bawling today around 5:30 am. I went in to check on him and found him standing with his pajama top up over his head, gesturing wildly and pointing to where his head should have been. It was so cute that I didn't even mind waking up an hour early.

Crib Diver

Well the thing I've been fearing finally happened. Baby M jumped out of his crib. Maybe he climbed out. Maybe he fell. Whatever he did, it make a tremendous THUD when he landed on our hardwood floors and scared me half to death. Baby M was a bit rattled, but other than that he escaped unscathed.

I completely blame myself for this tumble. As you may recall, Baby M has been taking his nap in the car or stroller ever since I weaned him 4 months ago. The nap situation has been more or less working for us, but I think he'll be more comfortable in his crib and it is a bit inconvenient to have to drive or walk around for 20 minutes or more at naptime. So this last week I made a concerted effort to get him napping in his crib. Each day I took him for a walk or drive just before naptime in order to get him sleepy and then brought him inside, read a story and put him in the crib for his nap. He cried, but remained laying down and would generally fall asleep within 10 minutes.

On Saturday I continued with the process, but a few things mucked it up. First off Baby M was playing in the backyard with his dad and was not too keen on going on a walk. Secondly, the walk, when it finally happened, just wasn't as sleep inducing as it normally is. Lastly, Baby M cried for more than 10 minutes. Remembering our old sleep training books (but forgetting our old sleep training experiences) my husband and I decided to go in and comfort Baby M by telling him we were still here, that he needed to lay down and we'd play with him after his nap. When we left he was screaming and looked like an angry tomato. A few seconds later we heard the THUD. I should have known that going in the room would only increase his desire to get out of the crib and that after so much screaming the nap was just not going to happen. I knew there was a reason I never felt right about sleep training.

So now we are back to napping in the car, picking up a crib tent and shopping for toddler beds on Craigslist. Oddly enough, by car-hating husband seems intent on getting Baby M a race car bed. Must be some unfulfilled wish from his childhood fueld by too many episodes of Silver Spoons.