Mommy Mania

Baby M has been quite the Mommy's Boy lately. And this is not the typical wanting only Mommy to tuck him in or give him his bath, this is some serious Mommy mania. Every morning Baby M wakes me up by mashing his face into mine. He doesn't bang my head, he simply lines up our foreheads and presses his face towards mine, patiently, with increasing pressure, as if he's trying to somehow merge our molecules together. Next he will lay down on my head, essentially smothering me with love. I tell him that he is hurting me and say that maybe Daddy would like a hug. "No, Mommy" he replies. When I roll out from under him, get out of bed and stumble towards the bathroom he shouts "You forgot to pick me up! and chases after me hanging onto my leg until I relent and pick him up.

I hold him while I prepare our breakfast, while we eat our breakfast, until sometime about 2 hours later when he is ready to be put down. The rest of the day our activities are interrupted frequently with kisses, hugs and more face mashing. When we go to the park he ignores his friends and drags me over to ride his "train" (a train is anything we can both sit on, I have ridden "couch trains", "stair trains" and "slide trains").

Don' t get me wrong, I love all the affection and I know it won't last long. Soon enough Baby M will be shrugging off my hugs, calling me "Mom" and spending all his time with his little skate-punk friends. But the thing is, he is heavy! Going about your day carrying while extra 30 lbs is tiring, no matter how many hugs and kisses you get in return. By the end of the day my arms and back are aching. I have to admit I am looking forward to the "Daddy Phase" and I think my husband is too. He has been feeling a little unappreciated lately.

So there you have it. I am actually complaining about too many toddler kisses. Look for my future posts where I discuss how my waist is too skinny and my wallet is too fat.

Hawaii Baby!

We just got back from our week long trip to the Big Island of Hawaii. Baby M did quite well and I think he is ready for pretty much any trip we might want to do. Of course his favorite part of the trip was staying in the hotel and riding in a minivan, so he probably would have been just as happy in Cleveland, but mom and dad were quite pleased to be in a tropical paradise.

As you may recall, 4 days before leaving on this trip I learned that I had miscarried 11 weeks into my pregnancy. I had a D&C the next day and left for Hawaii with a bottle of antibiotics and strict instructions not to submerge my lower half in any sort of water for a week. That meant no snorkeling, no swimming and no relaxing in the jacuzzi while watching the sun set over the Pacific. Lucky for me the Big Island has lots to do and we kept busy with other activities.

The Big Island is, as the name indicates, big and if there is one thing I regret about our trip it's that we didn't plan out our week better. There are rocky, sandy, sunny, rainy and volcanic sides to the island. Each has interesting sites, but it can take several hours of driving on winding, 2 lane roads to get to the different areas. Our haphazard approach to sightseeing resulted in missing a few places we wanted to see and probably more time in the car than was really necessary. If you're going to try to see the entire island, I would suggest booking a few days on the Kona side and a few on the Hilo side to eliminate some of the driving.

We stayed at Aston Kona By the Sea in Kailua-Kona and shared a 2 bed/2 bath condo with some friends. The condo was reasonably priced and worked well for us. It was large, had a kitchen and laundry in the unit, a balcony overlooking the ocean and its carpet and wicker furniture were very kid friendly. The resort had a pool, jacuzzi and a strip of sand between the pool and the rocky coast. There are not a lot of sandy beaches around Kailua-Kona (mostly rocks) and since Baby M loves digging this strip was a key attraction for us.

A few of our other favorite activities:

Pu'uhonua o Honaunau - a national park and historical site, there are ancient structures and recreations of Hawaiian temples, plus there are huge sea turtles wandering around.

Chocolate Factory Tour - this was a very detailed tour explaining how the chocolate is grown and processed. The grounds are lovely and there are free chocolate samples.

Greenwell Coffee Tour - we went on tours of several coffee plantations and this one was our favorite, but the best tasting coffee was actually at the Mountain Thunder plantation.

Hilton Waikaloa Village - This resort feels a bit like "Las Vegas - Hawaii!!", but it was a nice place to visit with Baby M. There are boats and trains to get around, a dolphin pond, a protected sandy beach, bridges, waterfalls, basically if Baby M could design a hotel this would be it.

Mauna Kea Beach - Best beach on the island. Beautiful, sandy, waves just the right size for Baby M, fancy hotel bar nearby... I couldn't swim but I would have been happy laying on this beach all day.

Kilauea and Volcanoes National Park - Hawaii has an active volcano and if you are lucky you'll be able to see lava flowing into the ocean. We didn't plan ahead and weren't dressed appropriately for the hike down to the coast, and it probably would have been too difficult with Baby M anyway, but we did enjoy the film in the visitor center, walking through the lava tubes and watching the steam rise out of the crater.

One and Done?

Yesterday I had my 3rd miscarriage. Out of 4 pregnancies, we've ended up with 1 baby. A baby I am eternally grateful for and that I feel very lucky to have, but nevertheless we've got a batting average of 25%. Not so hot. Aside from mourning this pregnancy, which involved a significant amount of heartache despite my efforts not to get too attached to it, I've also been questioning how many times I am willing to go through this. It's not like getting pregnant in the first place is easy for us. Conception involves daily temperature readings, precision timing, sperm friendly lubricants and the occasional pharmaceutical. For us the whole process of getting pregnant and then making it through the first 4 months is stressful, emotional and not nearly as much fun as it should be. I jealously watch those couples who get pregnant easily and then happily begin decorating the nursery, never questioning that in 9 months they will be holding a screaming bundle of joy.

Increasingly, or for today at least, the idea of "one and done", is sounding more and more appealing. I can stop piling up outgrown ExerSaucers and bassinets in the garage. Travel, dinners out, concerts are all much more manageable with only one child. Our house is perfectly adequate for 1 child, two and we'd probably need to move. Our sleeping and eating schedules are finally starting to even out. And committing to one child would mean I could toss my copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, my binder full of fertility charts and Clomid prescriptions.

People often tell me to relax, stop worrying, just see what happens. And as much as I say we'll play it by ear, the possibility that we'll have another child is always in the back of mind. I keep my eye on real estate listings, I apply to preschools with the expectation that I may have an infant to look after. I keep telling my husband that trip to India needs to be put off a few more years. Two children is written into our financial plan.

Still, I would like Baby M to have a sibling. I think he'd make a great big brother. I think that there is room in our family for one more. But at the same time, everyone has a limit. There is only so much heartache you can take. I know for some people their drive for a child, or a second child, is so strong that they will endure years of fertility treatments and failed pregnancies. I just don't think that kind of dedication is in my constitution. At some point, I will decide I am done. How will I decide? I just don't know.