The 5 Stages of Potty Training Regression

So, in my last post I noted that Baby M was no longer having daytime accidents.  We've had a bit of a regression since then.  He is now pooping his pants once or twice a day.  He still happily pees in the potty and generally wakes up dry, but he has no interest in getting his poops into the potty.  He will run behind the table where I can't reach him and insist he's not pooping while I try to convince him to come with me to the bathroom.  He poops his pants at the park, at school, at home, whenever he gets the urge. Oddly, he abhors wet underpants but doesn't seem to mind having poop in his pants at all and will go on about his business until I drag him kicking and screaming into the bathroom.

This has been going on for a little over a week and I have passed through all 5 stages of potty training regression.

Denial - Initially I convinced myself it was just a one off accident or a bad day or a few bad days...

Anger - I am not proud to admit that I yelled.  I waved poopy underpants in his face.  I told him he couldn't wear his favorite pirate underpants because they were covered in f@#*-ing poop.  Then I felt like the worst mother in the world, cried and apologized.  It was not my finest moment.  In fact, it was probably my worst parenting moment ever.

Bargaining - I brought the sticker charts back out, I promised trips to Travel Town, as the days wore on I threatened to take away his 30 minutes of TV time (which I did but it was harder on me than him and didn't make a difference anyway).

Depression - I looked back at my schizophrenic behavior over the past week, at the way I did all the things I said I wouldn't do, the things every book and web site tells you not to do, and wondered why the heck I was having another child when I couldn't even manage a week of poopy underpants without a major freak out.  I also ate a lot of ice cream.

Acceptance - I bought a tub of Oxiclean and a bucket for soaking poopy clothes. I keep my diaper bag stocked with plastic bags.  I realize there is no way I can force Baby M to poop in the potty. If I can't fight it, I might as well prepare for it.  I now simply praise him for using the toilet, remind him that poop goes in the potty and try to keep everything clean with as little drama as possible.  At some point he will decide pooping in his pants is not worth the trouble of getting cleaned up.

I don't know what, if anything, brought on the regression.  Maybe the novelty of the potty wore off.  Maybe Baby M saw how upset all the poop was making me and liked getting a response.  Maybe it's a delayed reaction to starting preschool or an advanced reaction to the impending birth of his brother.  Hopefully my new Zen attitude will encourage him to go back to the potty.  If not, you should seriously consider investing in Oxiclean, because at 2 poops a day, we're going through a lot of that stuff.

3 Day Potty Training - Kinda

So I've been meaning to write a post about potty training Baby M.  About 3 weeks ago I finally took plunge and committed to getting him potty trained.  A friend of a friend had success with Lora Jensen's 3-day Potty Training Method so we decided to give it a try.  I should note that the friend tried the method a week later without much success, but by that point I had already bought the e-book, blocked out the 3 days on our calendar and stocked up on underpants so we decided to go for it.  It's probably also worth mentioning that we had tried a more "child-directed" version of potty training a few months prior.  We made the potty available, bought cool underwear and encouraged Baby M to wear them for a few hours on the weekends.  That process ended up with Baby M ripping off his underpants, attempting to diaper himself and more or less stating that the potty was not for him.  After taking a few months off, I decided it was time to try something a little more "parent-directed."

The general idea  of the 3-day method is that you put your child in underpants 24 hours a day, ask him to tell you when he needs to use the potty and rush him to the toilet the minute he starts to go in his pants.  This pretty much requires you to be next to your child around the clock.  If he has an accident you don't reprimand or make a big deal about it, but you do reward any bit of success with praise, stickers and/or prizes.  (I know this completely contradicts my whole Unconditional Parenting philosophy which eschews rewards as well as punishments, but I decided 3 days of praise and rewards wouldn't scar Baby M for life.  Plus, I really wanted him out of diapers before Baby #2 came along.)

I knew staying home for 3 days straight was going to be difficult for us-- Baby M and I go out at least once and usually twice a day.  We have classes, play dates, parks to visit, shopping etc.  So I prepared.  I stocked up on food, planned art and cooking projects, and recorded new TV shows for him to watch.  I thought I had at least 2 days worth of activities planned.  Well, four hours into Day One I was out of activities.  Those first three days were rough.  Baby M went through 8 pairs of underpants a day.  He begged to go to the park.  He said he couldn't figure out how to poop sitting down (his preferred method was standing).  Even though he had been waking up dry for weeks he started wetting the bed, sometimes twice a night.  And even if he didn't wet the bed he would wake up crying hysterically at 4am and want to be carried around the house like a newborn.  

At the end of the 3 days, though he had made progress, I would not claim to anyone that Baby M was potty trained.  The number of accidents was way down but he hadn't pooped for 2 days, and his sleep was still a mess.   So I wrote the Lora Jensen helpdesk for advice.  The e-book purchase includes free online mentoring and here is where the $24 I spent on a 50 page e-book really felt worth it.  I received a prompt, encouraging response with some explicit techniques to deal with the problems we were having.  Some of them were a little odd (I could not bring myself to tell Baby M that Mommy's poops were lonely in the toilet and needed some company) but they were effective.  By Day 7 there were no more daytime accidents and now, 3 weeks later, we only have the occasional nighttime accident.  Baby M is still not sleeping great, but his sleep has always gone in phases, so I'm not sure how much of that we can attribute to potty training.  Overall, I'm pleased with the method and results and am glad that we got through the worst of it before the new baby arrives.

First Day of Preschool

Today was Baby M's first day of preschool.  And to answer the most common question I've been getting... no, nobody cried. He didn't cry.  I didn't cry.  I like to think this just shows how well adjusted we both are, but based on some of the reactions I've been getting I guess this makes me something of a freak. Apparently, it's fine that Baby M didn't cry, but I should have been holding back the tears, peering through the gate and counting the minutes until I picked him up again.

Now maybe it's because today was really just a taste of preschool-- 2 hours with only half of the new kids attending.  Two hours gave me just enough time to drop my husband off at work, stop at the bank and pick up a few things at the grocery store before heading back to collect Baby M.  Perhaps if he'd been away longer I'd have worked myself into a tearful frenzy like the other mothers waiting outside the gate, but I don't think so.  I'm happy Baby M is growing up.  I'm proud that he's able to take on some independence and I'm excited about some of the things he's going to be learning. I'm confident that the preschool he's attending is a safe environment with caring teachers and good kids.  And I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the 12 hours a week that I get to reclaim for myself (at least until Baby #2 arrives).  Sure I felt a twinge of wistfulness that Baby M didn't need me the way he used to, but it was overshadowed by the satisfaction of looking at how far Baby M has come over the last 3 years.

Baby M talks to the Bump

Every so often I ask Baby M if he'd like to say anything to his brother.  Usually he replies, "No, I'll just wait until he comes out."  Other than a brief infatuation with my popped out belly button, Baby M has not been terribly interested in the new baby.  Yesterday, however, when I asked if he'd like to talk to his brother he said "okay."  He knelt down, put his face close to my belly and shouted, "Hey!  Can I get a glass of water?"  Somehow I think Baby M's got the big brother thing down.