The Existential Question of Baby M

I am starting to wonder if Baby M really exists since there seems to be no official records of his birth. Maybe he is just one big, fussy, hungry, sleep-robbing and every so often absolutely adorable delusion. I have been trying for weeks to get Baby M's social security number. I probably wouldn't have thought twice about the number, except for several relatives who have generously offered to help us get Baby M's college fund started and another who would like to purchase him a savings bond. For both of these actions a SSN is needed.

According to my hospital documents we should have received Baby M's SSN in the mail 6-10 weeks after his birth. We never did. I called the Social Security office and after 30 minutes on hold and repeatedly shouting “Agent” to the automated system, I finally got through to a real live person who told me she couldn't tell me the status of Baby M's SSN unless I knew the SSN. Apparently the only way for me to find out if Baby M was issued a SSN is to go down, in person, to the local Social Security office with a copy of his birth certificate. And no, I was told, you can't make an appointment, so bring a book and some diapers.

The first step is to get a copy of Baby M's birth certificate which I couldn't obtain until 90 days after his birth. So today I went to the LAX courthouse to pick up a copy of the certificate from the Registrar's office. I had downloaded all of the forms and information several weeks ago and unfortunately everything – the form, the fee information and courthouse address were all incorrect. To save anyone else from this hassle, the correct information can be found at

http://www.lavote.net/RECORDER/BDM_Records.cfm

Even with the incorrect information the process would have been fairly painless except for the fact that the clerk couldn't find any record of Baby M being born. Of course the physical evidence, namely Baby M, was right there in front of him, but I understand that he can onnly print records that are in the system and Baby M is currently living off the grid. He suggested I call the Department of Health. So our existential quest continues.