So yesterday while aimlessly surfing the web and wondering why I wasn't doing something more productive I came across this interview with Mayim Bialik. You probably remember her as Blossom from the early 90's TV of the same name or maybe you saw her as the young Bette Midler in Beaches. Anyway, Blossom has ditched her pal Six and the floppy hats and is now a baby-wearing, home-birthing, granola-making mother of two. Just reading about her life tires me out.
Not only does she cook vegan and kosher meals for her family. She nurses her children until they self wean (the older one weaned around age 2), makes her own shampoo and practices elimination communication. If you're not familiar, EC is a technique where you watch your infant for signs that he needs to go the bathroom. Then you hold him over the toilet. She has been holding her son over the toilet 10 times a day since he was 2 days old! Oh and she also auditions and does some grant review work in her spare time.
Mothers like Mayim Bialik are amazing, and I admire them, but I'm starting to feel a bit like Peg Bundy. When Baby M was an infant, opening a can of soup was about all I could manage and even now we eat a little too frequently from Trader Joe's freezer aisle. I took a stab at potty training, but am too impatient, or selfish or lazy to sit next to him on the potty 3 times a day. Other moms in the neighborhood seem to have vaccination schedules memorized, their kids in multiple toddler programs and are already calculating their LAUSD "points" for getting into the kindergarten of their choice.
Not only do I find the logistics of managing all these tasks unwieldy, I also find them kind of unnecessary. My doctor knows the vaccination schedule and I trust her judgement. Baby M is happy going to the park and the occasional Moo Moo Musica class, does he really need a structured program at 20 months old? Why should I spend hours figuring out the labyrinthine LA Unified system when my local school is perfectly fine and within walking distance? Besides, if I was cooking and researching and sitting next to the potty all day how would I ever find time to keep up to date on the cast of Blossom?
4 comments:
I feel for you, it's so easy to judge ourselves as mom's using someone else's standards. I've met your kid and have known you for years and know that you are a great mom. You might make less of an effort on some things than others do, but I think it's more because you don't think it's worth the time and energy spent. You only have so much time and energy, and you'd rather be introspective and write a cool blog (which includes necessary research on the lives of former sitcom stars) than search for some imaginary "perfect school" in LAUSD.
While I don't shadow you daily, I trust my instincts here and feel 100% sure Baby M is one of the luckiest kids around with parents as educated, sensitive, and good humored as you and Baby M's Daddy. I think we all have to find what works best for each of us as parents and try to just respect that others are doing what works for them...
A big "hear hear" for lazy but good moms, of which I am proudly a member. I have four kids, and the last two are twins. For their FOURTH birthday, they got underwear, and that's when they got potty trained. I don't have time to beg them to develop, I just wait til they're ready (kinda like seeing your dog sit and yelling "sit!" right before his butt hits the ground).
Aspire to be good enough. I also nursed my kids forever, because I knew that their future diets would consist of Happy Meals and Freezees.
Remember, don't compare your insides to anyone else's outsides!
I'm a new reader and I am going to risk some unsolicited advice, just avoid LAUSD altogether there are plenty of other wonderful options in LA, both public and private. If you aren't interested in points at this points, you probably will be come middle or high school. This is a genuinely friendly thought I had while reading your post.
Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful and supportive comments!
Spring - I know LAUSD can be a nightmare, but I have this possibly misguided notion about the importance of supporting your local public school. I was the first person in my family to go to college and I wouldn't have been able to do it without good public schools. Plus I think when people attend their local school it fosters a strong sense of community. It's important to me that public education remains available to all and I think the best way to make that happen is for parents who care to participate in the system. I know my opinion may change once I'm actually in the system, but I'm going to give it a try. Okay, of my soap box now! I really do appreciate your comment!
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