Raising Freethinkers

I just finished reading Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief by Dale McGowan. I read Parenting Beyond Belief a few years ago; it's a series of reflections on non-religious parenting written from a variety of perspectives, everything from "spiritual but not religious" types to those in interfaith marriages to militant atheists. I enjoyed that book so when I heard there was a sequel out I decided to take a look.

Raising Freethinkers is more of a practical parenting guide and, despite having several authors, the perspective is relatively unified. The message is pretty middle of the road-- lots of calls for tolerance, the Unitarian church and letting kids make their own choices. The book's format makes for a quick read. For each major topic there is a 2-3 page introduction followed by a Q&A section and a list of related activities and resources. Topics range from how to build critical thinking skills to the value of religious literacy to sexuality. Most of the activities are geared towards older kids (ages 6 and above), so there weren't a lot of projects for me to do with Baby M right now. The resource lists, however, are exhaustive-- books, web sites, organizations with a secular bent for every conceivable topic. Looking for tips on planning a funeral for a goldfish? Got it . Alternative organizations to the Boy Scouts? Check. Toys that teach kids about evolution and natural selection? No problem. I checked the book out of the library, but I'm considering adding it to my parenting library for the resource lists alone.

I should note that so far it has not been very difficult being a non-religious parent. I live in Los Angeles, not Utah. There are plenty of non-religious activities and groups here to be a part of. I don't have any terribly religious relatives pushing traditions on me and my husband and I are more or less in sync when it comes to morals and ethics, celebrating holidays and the lack of religion in Baby M's life. That being said, there are things that religion does seem to make easier. I can see how it would be nice to have the shortcut answer "because God says so" to certain questions. Trying to explain why lying is wrong to a 2 year old can be difficult. And when Baby M asked why peacocks have big feathers it certainly would have been quicker to say "because God made them that way" instead of going into an explanation of mutation and natural selection. Raising Freethinkers does a good job of giving non-religious parents some ideas and techniques for discussing these sorts of complex ideas with children.

McGowan also points out that there are some things non-religious parents might want to take a cue from the devout on. Organized religion does a very good job of supporting the members of its community. It creates a space where everyone can work together to teach common values to their children. I can see the benefit of my child being around other adults who regularly talk about the importance our our family's values -- honesty, respect, responsibility, fairness and compassion (yes we do have them, just because we don't go to church doesn't mean we don't have values). Also, religions have built in traditions to mark and celebrate milestones. I may not want to throw Baby M a Bar Mitzvah, but it might be nice to acknowledge and celebrate his eventual transition to adulthood, noting both its benefits and responsibilities. Raising Freethinkers gives ideas and suggestions on how to incorporate community and ritual into a secular family.

The book gave me a lot to think about, most of which will probably just get filed away for later as I deal with the more pressing issues of potty training, nose picking and getting Baby M to eat something other than Kashi cereal. Seriously, he is addicted to Kashi cereal. Last night he was talking in his sleep, chanting "More Kashi cereal. More Kashi cereal." At least I know he's getting enough fiber.