M's Busytown Birthday!

M turned four this week and I can't really justify calling him "Baby M" any longer, so from here on out it's just "M".  For his fourth birthday party we decided to do a "Busytown" theme.  M loves the Richard Scarry books and is a bit obsessed with the show Busytown Mysteries.  Now every year I say I'm going to make it easy on myself and just take M to PartyCity and make him pick out a pre-packaged theme, but I just can't bring myself to do it.  I spend too much time looking at sites like ohdeeoh and Pinterest and keep forgetting that I am not that crafty or patient.

Case in point: here is the inspiration for one of our party activities

and here is how it actually turned out

You will notice I did not get out my jigsaw and fiberboard to create the cutouts.  In fact, I did not even bother to cover up the copy on cereal boxes.  Minus 1 for me, I should have at least glued some construction paper on the back of the boxes.

Anyway, if you are looking for the gold standard of Busytown Birthday parties, check out this post over on stitch/craft.  It's a really beautiful party. But if you are looking for some ideas that the average, lazier, Type-B parent can pull off you have come to the right place.

We had our party outside at a local park, so we didn't have a lot of decorations.  We had the "town" and figures for the kids to play with.  I photocopied the pages out of What Do People Do All Day and The Adventures of Lowly Worm, glued them to the back of cereal boxes and stuck them on the end of the table.  I purchased the figures online; we had Huckle, Sally, Lowly, Mr. Fixit, Hilda Hippo, Pig Will and Bananas Gorilla.  I put out a few of our Richard Scarry books so that guests who weren't familiar with Busytown would have some context.  We had crayons and coloring pages from the Hello Busytown! coloring book for guests as well.  Although I must admit none of these activities were nearly as popular as the Stomp Rockets that we decided to bring along at the last minute.  No connection to Busytown, but the kids were lining up to launch them while the coloring pages blew around in the wind.

When it was time for cake we surprised our guests with a mystery.  We gathered everyone around the table and then opened the cake box to reveal not a cake, but a picture of Goldbug with a note that read

It's the Mystery of the Missing Birthday Cake!

It's a Busytown Mystery just for you!  To find your cake follow the clues!  

For your first clue, ask where would Lowly go?  He likes to play tic, tac toe

At first the kids were a little confused, but we had rehearsed this game with M a few weeks prior to the party so he knew what was going on.  He led all of his friends over to the Tic Tac Toe board in the park where a friend of ours was waiting with a picture of Lowly and another clue.  The kids had to go to 4 different locations in the park and eventually ended up back at the table where we had the actual cake waiting for them.  I wasn't sure if this game would work, but it ended up being lots of fun and I cannot tell you how cute it was to see a line of 20 kids running around the park chanting "Cake! Cake!" 

My mother-in-law is an excellent and adventurous cake maker and volunteered to make us a Huckle cake.  Since we were at the park and didn't have a cooler big enough to hide the cake she wrapped it as if it was a present and hid it in plain view.  When the lid was removed the sides fell down to reveal the cake.  (My mother-in-law probably could pull off an ohdeedoh worthy party).

In our favor bags we had mini magnifying glasses, little notebooks that I decorated with Busytown stickers (which came with the Hello Busytown! coloring book), party blowers and pretzels.  M loved his party and even his friends who had never heard of Busytown had a great time.

Eczema Part 2: The Naturopath

So I kept waiting to write a follow up post on Baby S's eczema.  I was hoping that if I tried enough treatments sooner or later I would find some lotion or change to my diet or strange folk remedy and I could come back to the blog and write "Hooray!  Baby S's skin is clear!  Here's the solution!"  Well, that has not happened, although I did try a lot treatments.  I eliminated dairy, soy and caffeine from my diet.  I tried various creams obtained from the corner drugstore, the herbal pharmacy, even the Indian Market.  Everywhere Baby S and I went some well meaning stranger claimed to know a miracle cure-- everything from rubbing Baby S's cheeks with banana peels (which I tried) to peeing on his face (which I did not).

In my previous post I noted that the eczema did not bother Baby S much.  That is no longer the case.  During the day he does okay, but at night he thrashes around and scratches at his cheeks.  He wakes every few hours and I pat or nurse him back to sleep. I cut and file his nails constantly but still wake to bloody sheets.  I pledged I wasn't going to use the steroid cream anymore, but seeing him so uncomfortable led me to start using it again.  The cream did help some, but even after using it for 10 days straight his skin was still red and mottled so that 's when I decided I needed to seek out additional help.  Our pediatrician and dermatologist just weren't cutting it.

Yesterday we went to see a highly recommended naturopath.  I'm generally not into alternative medicine, but since conventional medicine wasn't helping I decided it was worth trying.  The doctor took a detailed history and observed Baby S's behavior.  Because Baby S's eczema is primarily on his cheeks, as opposed to the more classical presentation on the elbows and knees, the doctor believes the root cause is related to diet or digestion.  And it is true that Baby S has had problems with constipation and still spits up frequently.  The naturopath  recommended we eliminate gluten from our diet (for 6 weeks - ugh!), add daily probiotics, multi-vitamins and cod-liver oil for Baby S.  He gave us a prescription for a homeopathic remedy and Tamanu oil to use topically.  I really hope this will help Baby S.

Threats and Sighs

So we've been having a little problem with Baby M for the last week or so.  At three and a half he has started biting.  He never bit anyone before, but now he does.  Hard.  And he doesn't let go until you physically unclamp his jaw from your arm.  On the plus side, he only bites my husband and me, but really, is that much of a plus?  We ask him why he is biting and he replies "I don't know."  We've told him biting is unacceptable, that it hurts us, that he should use his words, that if he is angry or frustrated he can bite a pillow.  None of these statements have had any effect. He bites seemingly without cause or provocation.  Yesterday he leaned over and bit me while we were eating dinner.  Tonight he bit my husband while getting into the bath.  I suspect that he is biting because he feels he's not getting enough attention, and we are doing our best to spend dedicated time with him, but we still really would like the biting to stop.

Today I was sitting on the couch with the boys and I saw Baby M lean in for the bite.  Tired, angry, tangled up with Baby S and unable to move away I said, "If you bite me you cannot play your Super-Grover game on the computer." (I'd told him he could play it after lunch.)  He paused for a moment and then sunk his teeth into my wrist.  In theory I don't believe in threatening children, especially with "consequences" completely unrelated to the problem behavior.  But in practice?  Well, stuff happens.  But today I was reminded why I try not to use threats.  As soon as I said "Ok, no computer game" he started the tantrum to end all tantrums.  He screamed and cried for about an hour (apologies to my neighbor with the open house).  The tantrum I could handle, but then he told me "The thing that will make me stop biting is if you let me play a game."  Not exactly the message I was going for.  Later that night I overheard Baby M relating the episode to my husband.  His explanation of what happened was "Mommy took away my game to make me frustrated because I made Mommy frustrated when I bit her."  Again, not really the lesson I wanted him to learn.  Furthermore, Baby M bit my husband about 15 minutes prior to this conversation, so aside from not teaching him anything useful my threat didn't curb the problem behavior either.

I'd like Baby M to learn that biting is wrong because it hurts people and understand that hurting people is wrong.  I'd like him to learn to express his feelings and ask for what he needs.  I am just not sure how to teach him this. I talk about treating people with respect. I try to label his own and other's feelings.  Our number one house rule is that we do not hurt people or animals.  I just do not know what to do.  Sigh.

The Dining Passport

Baby M is not a terrible eater, but he is not a great eater and I'm always looking for ways to get him to eat a wider variety of foods. The Dining Passport is a clever idea that I got from Family Fun Magazine.  The passport is a booklet your child can record all of his culinary adventures in.  We kept ours very simple.  I punched holes in a bunch of 3 x 5 cards and strung them together.  Then we printed out flags from around the world at the CIA website.  Whenever Baby M eats an ethnic meal he gets to paste the nation's flag onto one of the cards and I write in the date and a few details about the meal.  Then we look up the country on the globe and see how far it is from Los Angeles.  I've found this is a terrific way to expand Baby M's diet.  He really loves getting to paste new flags into his passport, so much so that he'll gladly eat falafel or dosa or other foods that might normally be rejected.  And as a bonus, he is learning a bit of geography at the same time.  So far his passport contains flags from Egypt, Morocco, Italy, Mexico, Thailand and India.

Road Trip

Last weekend we took a road trip up to Northern California to visit family.  I was not looking forward to 8+ hours in the car with a 7 month old and a 3 1/2 year old, but it seemed preferable to spending $1000 and navigating the airport with 2 kids, 2 car seats, a stroller and all the other junk we end up taking when we travel. 

Happily, the trip went better than expected.  We left early in the morning and both kids were still too sleepy to be uncooperative.  We stopped for breakfast, lunch and a few breaks along the way.  Both boys slept a fair amount.  To keep Baby M occupied I had checked out a bunch of children's books on CD from the library, but our CD player stopped working half-way through the trip. (Mysteriously, it is now working again which leads me to wonder if the malfunction was just part of my husband's plot to listen to 4 hours of The.Best.Saxophone.Podcast.Ever.)  Luckily for us driving up the 5 freeway provides plenty of entertainment for preschoolers.  Some of Baby M's favorite games:
 
Find My Foot
Raise Your Hand If You See Train Tracks
Hey, That's a Windmill
Cows: CAFO or Pasture

Admittedly not the most stimulating pastimes for me, but definitely better than the hours of whining that I had anticipated.  I'm hoping by the next road trip Baby M will be ready for some more challenging car games, maybe License Plate Bingo, 20 Questions or one of these car games from Travelhacker.

A Baby Eating Solids Means No Time To Blog

Well, obviously not, but now that Baby S is eating solids I certainly feel like my entire day is spent prepping meals, feeding and cleaning up after my family.  Around here mealtimes are a messy, messy business.  Sometimes I will walk by a woman in the park or at the mall and she'll have her baby propped up in the stroller and a jar of sweet potatoes perched on her knee.  The mother will offer up a small spoon of orange mush and the baby will obligingly open her mouth, gum it, swallow and then open up for more.  Invariably the baby will be dressed in something white and her bib is really just an accessory because there WILL NOT BE A SPOT OF FOOD ON IT!  How is this possible?  

The minute I put Baby S in his high chair he becomes a miniature many-armed Hindu God grabbing spoons away quicker than I can wash them. When I sit down to feed Baby S I bring no less than 5 spoons with me.  Baby S actually does enjoy his food, but he and I have not mastered the dance that is feeding.  Sometimes he leans forward too eagerly and bumps his head on the spoon. Sometimes he turns away at the last moment and gets a cheek full of peas.  Sometimes he decides to practice blowing raspberries while eating and sprays pureed pears all over my face.  And it doesn't help that he requires a thumb chaser after each bite.  As soon as the spoon comes out, in pops the thumb.  Before each new bite I extract a sticky, gooey thumb from Baby S's mouth.  After a few spoonfuls Baby S's face and hands are covered in food, along with my face, the walls and floor.  Food dribbles down his chin, leaks under his bib and stains the neckline of his shirt.  We go through this process 3 times a day, along with the requisite clothes changing and clean up.  Once Baby S is fed, I proceed to feed the rest of us, who are generally, but I must admit not always, a bit neater.

The Mess Bed

For the past few months Baby M has been telling me that his toddler bed is "not comfortable".  I figured this was just another one of his bedtime stalling techniques, along the lines of "I need some icy water" and "my feet are cold."  But perhaps his bed really is not comfortable because last week he took matters into his own hands and made himself a "mess bed." He took every stuffed animal he could find (which is at least 30) and spread them out in the middle of his bedroom floor.  He pulled his pillow and blankets off his bed and slept on his mattress of toys.  He's been sleeping there every night for the last week and claims his mess bed is eminently more comfortable than his regular bed.  He's going to bed without much trouble and sleeping through the night so I'm not going to mess with it.  A messy bedroom is a small price to pay for a full night's sleep.

A Good School

Now that Baby M and most of his friends are safely ensconced in suitable preschools, the hot topic is "where are you sending him for kindergarten?"  Parents are on a never-ending quest for a "good school."  I have heard the words "good school" thrown around so much in the past months that they have lost all meaning.  Is a good school the one with high test scores?  Involved parents?  An arts focussed curriculum?  A lawn?  Mostly white kids?  Any school that is not part of LAUSD?  Depending on who you talk to it could be any of these.

So when I saw Diane Ravitch on the Daily Show talking about the state of public education, I decided to pick up her new book The Death and Life of the Great American School System.   Diane Ravitch is a historian of school reform and served in the Education Department under the George H.W. Bush and Clinton administrations.  Her book provides an in depth look at the last 20 years or so of school reform. Interestingly, many of the policies she once advocated for-- testing, accountability, choice and markets--  she has now reversed position on.  As she explains in the book, her views changed as she "saw how these ideas were working out in reality."

The main point of the book is that market based and data driven reforms will not help, and quite possibly are hurting the quality of our public schools.  She uses several case studies and, somewhat ironically, test scores to illustrate her point.  Indeed, one problem with data is that depending on how you slice it, it can be used to show schools are or are not improving.  Ravitch convincingly makes the case that by obsessing over scores on standardized tests of the most basic math and reading skills, we are leaving our students unable to do much more than fill in a bubble on a multiple choice test.  They are "unprepared to lead fulfilling lives, to be responsible citizens and to make good choices."  And by using those scores exclusively to evaluate schools, teachers and administrators will teach only the test material, will manipulate who takes the test or will cheat in order to keep their jobs.  She argues that by creating a market for schools, we create winners and losers as the most motivated students and families flock to charter schools and neighborhood schools are left with unmotivated or problem students.  Instead of citizens linked together by a school, we are consumers, each looking out only for our own interests.  She writes, "The market, with its great strengths, is not the appropriate mechanism to supply services that should be distributed equally to people in every neighborhood in every city and town in the nation without regard to their ability to pay or their political power."  She does see a role for religious, private and even charter schools, but one that does not drain away the best students from public education.  Her prescription for fixing schools includes a well-defined comprehensive liberal arts based curriculum, an inspection based assessment method for schools and teachers, well-educated teachers and extra help for disadvantaged families.  This was a fascinating book and if you are at all interested in education policy I highly recommend it.

So what does this all mean for me and my search for a "good school"?  Well, I've always felt strongly about the importance of neighborhood schools.  And I was all set to attend my local school with its pretty good API score (but very good based on demographics), diverse student body, involved parents and new playground equipment.  But then I thought I should do some due diligence and learn about my other options-- charters, magnets, open enrollment.  I toured a nearby charter school and found they include foreign language, arts and music in their regular school day, things my neighborhood school only offers in after school enrichment classes.  The charter school also has a pretty good API score, but it is well below average based on demographics.   So, what to think?  Is my neighborhood school teaching to the test at the expense of other subjects? Are the charter school students lagging behind on basic skills? I'd love for Baby M to learn a second language and be well-versed in the arts.  At the same time, I want to support my neighborhood school and allow Baby M to make friends who live nearby.  After reading this book, I will spend a little more time researching the curriculum used by the schools and observe some classes in each.  I still have least a year before Baby M starts kindergarten and plenty of time to find that all elusive "good school."

Giving Away My Baby Names

We're done having kids.  I've given away my maternity clothes, the bassinet, the newborn outfits and the swaddle blankets.  But you know you're really done having kids when you give away your baby names.  You know, the names you alway kept to yourself, the ones that you were paranoid someone else might use.  So here they are,  my gift to you, the list of names for the girl baby we never had.  Please use one of them, really, it will make me happy.

Charlotte - I know this is a popular name (#45 according to the SSA database, and I'd guess it ranks even higher in West LA) and I'm sure that it wormed it's way into my consciousness via Sex and the City, but I still love it.  And for all her neuroses, Charlotte was the kindest of the SATC girls.

Clara - I always liked the idea of naming my child after a literary character, but had a hard time finding a worthy character with an appealing name.  Clara was one of the main characters in Zadie Smith's White Teeth.  She was wise, funny, imperfect and determined.  As I read the book I kept thinking, "Clara, now that's a nice name".  Plus with historical namesakes Clara Barton and Clara Bow you can't go wrong.

Mathilda - Okay, yes, I admit, this name pick was totally inspired by Heath Ledger and Michelle William's daughter.  But once in awhile celebrities do come up with a winner.  I like it best with the "h"  since it lends itself to the cute nickname Hildie.

Penelope - Penelope has so many great things going for it.  It's sound is unique, but not weird.  No one will ever get your name confused at Starbucks.  And if you are looking for pop culture references, it really doesn't get much better then Penelope. Penelope was Punky Brewster's full name and Inspector Gadget's clever niece (Penny).  You could sing your daughter Penny Lane as a lullaby.   And don't forget about Penelope Widmore on Lost.  Whenever Desmond said Penny's name there was so much love and heartache in his voice that I wished I was named Penny.

Sally - A few years ago I watched all of the episodes of BBC's Coupling and was surprised at how well the name Sally worked for a grown woman.  But, if I'm totally honest, this name choice was probably influenced more by Richard Scarry's Sally the Cat on Busytown Mysteries than anything else. Anyway, the name Sally is friendly, spunky and a little old fashioned.

Tamsyn - I could never sell my husband on this one, but when we first started talking baby names I had my heart set on it.  He thought it was weird and that people would shorten it to Tammy.  I thought it was unique and that we could always use Tassie if we wanted a nickname.  And I thought it would go so well with the name of our hypothetical son, Joss.  He thought it would sound ridiculous with our son who would obviously be named Chad.  It's actually kind of amazing that we ended up agreeing so easily on the names for Baby M and Baby S.

So that's the list.  No extra boy names, I always found male names much harder to come up with.  And no, I was not planning on having 6 daughters.  I just like having options.

Baby S's Eczema

So Baby S has eczema.  We're lucky in that it doesn't seem to bother him too much and for the most part it is confined to his cheeks.  At the same time, it is bad enough that strangers will ask me "What's wrong with his face?"  and I've been putting off getting his pictures done until it clears up.   The thing about eczema is that pretty much anything could cause it.  Is it the detergent I'm using?  The food I'm eating (Baby S is exclusively breastfed)?  Our dog? Our non-organic cotton sheets?  The weather?  Although most doctors believe only a small number eczema outbreaks are caused by food allergies, most moms I talked to seemed to think certain foods aggravated their kid's eczema.  I tried going off dairy for 2 weeks (my brother did, in fact, have a milk allergy growing up, so it seemed a good place to start).  Baby S's skin didn't really improve, but I questioned myself constantly.   Did his skin look a little less red?   A little more red?  I switched to soy milk and his skin seemed worse, did he have a soy allergy?  He was particularly fussy after I ate grapefruit, maybe citrus is the cause?  I could easily drive myself crazy and end up eating nothing but brown rice and avocados.

After changing our detergent, lotions and soaps, going off dairy and slathering Baby S with calendula ointment for weeks with no improvement we finally saw a dermatologist.  He diagnosed Baby S with eczema and a mild bacterial infection and gave us Mupirocin ointment for the bacterial infection, Fluticasone cream for the the eczema and told us to use Cetaphil or Aquaphor on the rest of his body to help ensure the eczema didn't spread.  Baby S's skin cleared up within a week of using the creams, but as soon as we stopped the eczema came right back.  The dermatologist put us back on the Fluticasone cream and told us to slowly wean Baby S off it, switching from twice a day to once a day to Aquaphor only over 3 weeks.  So that's what we're trying now.

I know about the risks of using steriod creams and I am not thrilled about using them--  skin damage,  reduced ability to fight skin infections, permanent discoloration, etc.  My pediatrician is also not thrilled.  In fact, at Baby S's 6 month check up she urged me to stop the cream immediately and "see what happens".   I hate it when you get conflicting advice from doctors.  Her position is that eczema is a symptom of something happening internally and the steriod just covers up the problem, it doesn't solve it.  A valid point, but I also want my baby to be comfortable and, vain as it sounds, I want to see his cute smiling face unmarred by crusty red patches.  Or at least I'd like his skin clear long enough to get a nice photograph.  So, I booked his portrait session for a few days from now and afterwards we'll start weaning him off the steriod cream.  If the rash comes back I don't think will do another round of Fluticasone, we'll stick to baths and lotions and do our best to manage.

Pretend City

A few weeks ago we drove down to Irvine to go to Pretend City.  This children's museum is an interconnected "city" where kids can pretend to be everything from a fireman to a farmer.  There is a pretend fire station, post office, restaurant, hospital, supermarket, construction site, beach, farm and theater.  All of the exhibits include appropriate props and costumes.  Additionally, there is a large water table and a well stocked arts and crafts room.  The museum is relatively new and everything was clean and in good condition.  At 3 years old, Baby M was in heaven.  He spent a lot of time pretending to be a dispatcher in the fire station, served me about 20 plates of spaghetti in the restaurant, worked the sound and light board in the theater and got to hold a real live chick at the "farm."

Irvine is a bit of a drive for us, but my mother lives in San Diego so Pretend City was the perfect half-way meeting point.  Aside from being a chance for us to visit, it was great to have my mother around to do some of the pretending (4 hours of make-believe play with Baby M is pushing it for me).  She also watched Baby M while I fed Baby S in the nursing room.  The nursing room is equipped with a glider rocker and since there aren't a lot of quiet places to sit in the museum, it's a nice amenity.  We had lunch in the cafe, which was the only real disappointment-- it's just a group of tables, a microwave, some vending machines and a woman selling sandwiches and salads out of cooler. Our sandwiches were fine, but next time we'll probably pack a lunch.

There are a few padded play areas for little ones, but Pretend City is really best for kids between 2 and 8 years old.   Tickets are $11 per person (free for babies under 1 year), but you can get a 2-for-1 admission on the second Friday of every month here.  If we lived closer I'd consider getting a membership.  We were in the museum for 4 hours and Baby M could have stayed longer, plus the museum has a full calendar of events and classes.

So how is it with 2 kids?

Before I had Baby S I worried about how I'd do with two kids.  Would I have enough patience, attention and energy to go around?  Would Baby M regress?  Would my house completely fall apart?  Would we ever take a vacation again?  Was a second child a bad idea?

Well I'm happy to report that two kids is fine.  Better than fine.  Great even.  I'm not one to wax poetic about the happiness of children, but having two kids is pretty wonderful.  Now it may just be that I am on a double upswing of the happiness curve (according to studies parental happiness climbs from birth to six months and again after age 3) and I'm going to come crashing down again in a few weeks, or maybe it's a hormone fueled, sleep deprivation mirage, but for now, I am really enjoying having two.

On the Baby S side, the second time around I am so much more relaxed, that I can really enjoy every little cuddle, coo and funny expression.  I'm not obsessed with tracking how often he's nursing, peeing and pooping.  I'm not compulsively reading sleep books trying to figure out an optimal sleep routine.  And I don't have time to get bored with the monotony of caring for an infant.  There is no spinning him around in an office chair 10 times a day in order to improve his spatial reasoning like I did with Baby M.  I'm just  making funny faces and stealing kisses between playing Thomas the Train and coloring pictures with my 3 year old.

On the Baby M side, I appreciate how far he has come in just 3 years.  He can talk and reason, run and climb.  All the things I can't do with Baby S yet.  And I can't describe the warmth I feel when I see Baby M act lovingly towards Baby S-- bringing him a toy, singing him a song, talking to him about the bunk beds they will share someday.  I'm getting glimpses of what I hope will be a strong sibling relationship.

Of course everything is not chocolates and roses.  I'm still tired.  I don't get enough time with my husband.  I spend an inordinate amount of time doing laundry.  My three year old whines a lot and seems hell bent on destroying my home.   The baby is teething.  He doesn't sleep through the night.  But at the end of the day I know without question that it's all worth it.

My New Favorite Breakfast Recipe

Baby M adores pancakes, but I generally don't have enough time or energy in the morning to make a big batch.  Plus, traditional pancakes are not the healthiest way to start the morning.  I love the recipe below because it is easy, healthy and Baby M gobbles them up.

Oatmeal- Banana Pancakes
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 banana mashed up
1 egg
1/4 cup skim milk
1/4 - 1/2 tsp cinnamon

Mix everything together and cook on a lightly greased skillet.  Makes about 4 pancakes.

Today I added a handful of frozen blueberries and used soy milk instead of regular milk and they came out great.

Letting it All Hang Out at the UCLA Language Lab

I took Baby S to the UCLA Language Lab to participate in a study this week.  I'd been to the lab before with Baby M, but this was Baby S's first trip to campus.  As with my previous visits, a grad student met us at the parking garage and escorted us to the lab.  The researcher explained the study to us, I answered a short questionnaire about the languages spoken in our home and Baby S got his picture taken for a certificate of participation.  We also go to pick out a baby T-shirt as a thank you gift for our participation.

The goal of this study was to determine when babies begin to distinguish their own language from other languages.  Baby S and I sat in a small, dark room while recordings of people speaking English and Japanese played.  The researcher watched us over a video feed and recorded whether or not Baby S paid attention to the voices.  I wore head phones blasting Frank Sinatra tunes so that I wouldn't inadvertently influence Baby S as I held him in my lap.   About 2 minutes into the session Baby S let out the loudest, smelliest fart ever.  It was so loud I could hear it over Frank belting out My Way.  Then Baby S proceeded to have an explosive bowel movement. It was one of those situations where you marvel at how much noise, odor and poop one tiny baby can produce.  I held him, grimacing, and tried to decide if I should stop the study or not.  These experiments are usually pretty short so I thought we could just tough it out, but it kept going on and on and on.  The Way You Look Tonight.  Luck Be A Lady.  The Girl From Ipanema.  All punctuated by loud noises from Baby S's bottom.  Eventually the researcher came out from behind the curtain and told us we were done.  I don't know if they'll be able to use our tape or not, but at least they'll get a good laugh watching it.

TV 2.0

A few weeks ago Baby M's Waldorf-inspired preschool asked him for his favorite part of the day.  He replied it was when he got to watch a video.  I was horrified, but now I've decided I am giving up my guilt over Baby M's TV viewing.  He watches an hour of TV a day, pretty much every day and he loves it.  Whenever anyone asks me about TV I usually justify it with "He doesn't nap" or "I am selective about what he watches."  Which are both true, Baby M is regularly up for 13 hours a day straight, so even with an hour of TV he is still spending more time playing, drawing and exploring than many of his 2-hour napping peers.  And now that we primarily watch videos over Netlix instant download it's easy to limit his choices. We generally stick to Busytown Mysteries, with the occasional Kipper or Thomas thrown in.

Of course, just because I've come to terms with 60 minutes of TV time a day doesn't mean that Baby M has.  He always wants more.  I've written before about trying to manage Baby M's TV habit, but now that he is nearly 3 and a half his strategies are getting more sophisticated.  He still makes use of the tried and true whiny tantrum, but he has also started trying to charm me ("I'll watch a show and you can take a nap in your bed") , argue with me ("It's just a short one") or reason with me ("My brain is already ruined").  At least I know the message that TV is bad for his brain is getting through.

I'll admit it, I'm one of those parents that has a hard time saying no. So I kept trying to find the perfect approach that would make limiting the TV easy.   I tried coupons.  I tried TV only at certain times.  I tried a fixed number of shows.  But no matter what strategy I tried, Baby M wanted more TV.  Or Kideos on the iPhone.  Or YouTube videos on the PC.  Nothing made it easy. Ultimately, I just had to pick a rule and stick to it.  I know, this is Parenting 101.  But when it's so easy to make the whining stop and when a nap for me is part of the package, saying no can be pretty difficult.  But I did eventually do it. I decided one hour of TV a day, any time after breakfast and before dinner.  He can use that hour however he wants-- two Busytowns, one Sesame Street, any show approved by me.   He can break it up or use it all in one sitting, but when it's used up the remotes get put away.  Baby M still whines about the TV every day, but now that he knows I won't budge he gives up after 5 minutes or so and finds something else to do.  And, goofy as it sounds, I feel a little bit proud of myself every time he does.

Raising Happiness

 Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps For More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents is my new favorite parenting book.  I checked it out of the library a few weeks ago and found myself marking so many passages to photocopy that I finally decided to just purchase my own copy of the book.  Christine Carter, the director of UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, draws on the latest research and her own experience to come up with a succinct guide on how to raise not only happy children, but ones that are kind, grateful and self-motivated.  Not surprisingly, part of the recipe for happy children includes happy parents, so there are also plenty of tips on how to increase your own happiness and create a joyful family environment.

If you've read books like NurtureShock or Unconditional Parenting the science covered in Raising Happiness will not be new, and Carter does not spend a lot of time rehashing the research, she is more interested in the conclusions and how we can apply them to our parenting practice.  The thing that this book does amazingly well is offer specific advice while providing enough flexibility to tailor the recommendations to your family.  If saying a prayer before dinner as part of a gratitude practice doesn't work for you, how about a toast?  If you can't volunteer with your child, maybe you can pick up trash at the park together.  So many parenting books are either so rigid you feel that one misstep will doom your child for life or else so nebulous that you can't figure out how to apply any of their suggestions.

Initially I was a little put off by the book. The first chapter draws heavily on Carter's experiences as a working mom and I was starting to wonder if her tips would apply to parent who stays home.  Especially when, in a section on building a good relationship with your partner, she wrote "busy couples with kids and two full-time jobs don't have sex less than couples with a stay-at-home parent."  As if I have nothing to do other than lay around in lingerie thinking sexy thoughts.  Anyway, despite the shaky start, I was totally won over by the end of the second chapter. Raising Happiness is organized into short chapters, with sub-headings and "Try This" sections that make finding the information you're looking for easy.  She only employs one acronym (ERN - empathy, reason, non-controlling language) which is actually simple enough for me to remember and make use of when dealing with my 3 year old.  Plus, she recognizes that kids may respond differently to her tactics.  She actually includes an example where labeling a angry child's feeling does not diffuse the situation, but instead prompts him to shout "I AM NOT FRUSTRATED.  I AM HAPPY!"  So many of the examples in this book spoke to my own experience, from being bored while playing with my son to chaotic dinner time situations.

Since the book is about creating a happy and fulfilling family situation, its messages are relevant to families with infants all the way up through the teenage years.  Once you are beyond the books on when to introduce solids and how to get your baby to sleep (I read plenty of those!) I highly recommend picking up Raising Happiness.

Two Kids Means No Time to Blog

Sorry for the long absence.  With 2 kids there just never seems to be time for the blog.  One or the other always needs my attention and in the rare moment that they are both occupied (or sleeping) there is laundry, cooking, cleaning, or episodes of True Blood to be watched.  And if I ever try to do any writing while they're awake the baby starts crying and the three year old demands to watch a YouTube video (curse you Peppa Pig!)  But, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about this blog, so here are a few things that I really wanted to blog about but never got around to

-- How well Baby M has adjusted to his new brother and how much I love the fact that he makes plans for their future together (Halloween costumes, sleeping arrangements, who gets to ride shotgun in their first car)
-- How much more I'm enjoying Baby S and whether it is because I know he's probably my last baby or because I'm more comfortable taking care of a newborn or simply because he doesn't cry for 8 hours a day
-- Despite never wanting more than 2 children, why it is so hard to say that I'm done having babies?
-- My fear that Baby M will never develop empathy (after a disturbing incident involving a fire truck and a friend's head)
-- My ridiculous guilt over not starting Mommy & Me classes with Baby S yet
-- How can adding one person to the family quadruple the amount of laundry I need to do?

And, perhaps most importantly,
-- In going for a lower maintenance hairstyle, did I inadvertently give myself "mom hair"